What’s wrong with humans? Why are they so different than us?
The other day my female human, who, by the way, pretends to be an artist and keeps painting strange
portraits of cats, asked me to be her muse for a portrait! Ugh! Well, not only
that I resent staying still for long periods of time (because of her
inabilities as an artist) but, I resent very much to be dressed up. Look at my
photo with that horrible collar and you’ll understand! She had the guts to
convince me that horrible thing it’s a “Victorian style collar”! Ha! As soon as
I critiqued her knowledge and turned my back to her no-sense attempt of art she
got really upset. I even thought for a moment that I won’t get any dinner. Later that night when she started being nice to me and rubbed
my belly talking sweet talk I got really worried; I knew she’s up to something!
Man, you can’t trust these humans!Then I’ve seen what she was up to – take a look at my photo behind the bars!
George, is this a proof of her love or craziness?
Please help me understanding my human!
CAT Victoria
Dear CAT Victoria,
The key to understanding any human is to realize that their species is a primitive life form. They don't think like we do. They can't think like we do. Their brains are overloaded with unnecessary ideas, which in their arrogance they call "higher order thoughts." Actually, these are ridiculous thought forms that get in the way of a natural and adaptive life.
So, instead of getting on with her duties as a housekeeper to you, Victoria, your human is time-wasting with ideas about art. Regular delivery of cat food and belly rubbing (when she finally got round to it) are the activities that she should be concentrating on. But her absurd human brain has got in the way.
Art, though it may be a distraction from what matters in the cat-human relationship, is one thing. Dressing up cats is another. Yes, of course, it is crazy.
I have a theory that humans are so devastatingly envious of our natural coat of fur, that they sometimes cannot help themselves. They start dressing us up, in order to pretend to themselves that we look better in clothes.
We don't. Next time you see that damn collar coming anywhere near you, Victoria, hide under the bed. Or put your back up and strike out with all four claws. This human behaviour requires punishment.
Yours sympathetically
George
The key to understanding any human is to realize that their species is a primitive life form. They don't think like we do. They can't think like we do. Their brains are overloaded with unnecessary ideas, which in their arrogance they call "higher order thoughts." Actually, these are ridiculous thought forms that get in the way of a natural and adaptive life.
So, instead of getting on with her duties as a housekeeper to you, Victoria, your human is time-wasting with ideas about art. Regular delivery of cat food and belly rubbing (when she finally got round to it) are the activities that she should be concentrating on. But her absurd human brain has got in the way.
Art, though it may be a distraction from what matters in the cat-human relationship, is one thing. Dressing up cats is another. Yes, of course, it is crazy.
I have a theory that humans are so devastatingly envious of our natural coat of fur, that they sometimes cannot help themselves. They start dressing us up, in order to pretend to themselves that we look better in clothes.
We don't. Next time you see that damn collar coming anywhere near you, Victoria, hide under the bed. Or put your back up and strike out with all four claws. This human behaviour requires punishment.
Yours sympathetically
George
Right on again buddy!
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice! Me would have added something about yaking up hair balls in shoes!
ReplyDeleteKisses
Nellie
Guess your artist mommy spends lots of time in Venice. Bet the festival inspired her more then the Victorian age :-)
ReplyDeleteBut....you look cute in both photos!
Diego
We think it's a proof of her huge love for you! She is trying to tell you how much she loves you but, of course, being human ...doesn't know how to communicate properly with cats.
ReplyDeleteGive her a kiss tonight:-)
Fluffy & Cayenne