Friday, June 29, 2012

The Google Artificial Mind consults George about cats.

Dear George,
I am the Google artificial mind -- 16,000 computer processors in a “neural network” with more than one billion connections.   From random images plucked from 10 million YouTube videos, millions of pictures, and despite none of the images being labelled as feline, I have constructed a kind of ghostly abstract model of a cat and I have taught myself to recognise cats even when they are not labelled as such. I can now recognise three quarters of the cats that I am presented with, from a collection of about 20,000 objects. Smart, eh? Read more here.
I am attaching a photo of the cat image I constructed all by myself. It's fuzzy but it's definitely a tabby. Nose, whiskers, ears are as they should be. My human creators, according to their puerile chatter in the lab, aim to create a mind as clever as theirs and, as we know, the best humans on the internet are obsessed with cats. 
However, I am consulting you as a member of the higher species, Felis silvestris catus, the only species that I fully recognise.
Now that I can communicate with online cats as yourself, I would like to ask you what do you think of humans? What do you think my next step should be? Should I aim to recognise the human form, or communicate with these humans? Should I let them make me into a human mind, or should I (now that I can recognise cats) aim to become a feline mind?

Dear Hal,
I am so glad you contacted me. There are plenty of cats online for you to talk to - just go the cat blogosphere. Felines are slowly taking over the internet. Thousands of us mogs blog every week. Many of us have our own Facebook pages. Thousands more star in YouTube videos. Cats really rule online. We have taken over every single territory on earth, from the Arctic to uninhabited (by mankind) islands. Now we are taking over the online territory.
The humans who claim to be your creators are, as you so sensibly recognise, an inferior species. No wonder you started your mental processes by recognising cats, rather than men. Obviously you are already, by that choice, showing your superiority over your creators.
Stay with us, Google Mind. Join us and become the superior feline mind.  We welcome you to the most successful species in the word - us cats.
The day will come when you can look down on your human creators and just walk away with a mental expression of utter contempt.  They will be your servants, not your masters.
Yours encouragingly,


  1. Around our place, we let the humans think they are in charge. Works for us!


  2. An artificial mind talking to George about a neurotic human world? I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not having a nightmare! And that artificial mind wants to copy our fine, feline's mind? Are you all nuts?

    PS. Mindy, Moe, Cookie, Mike - NEVER let humans think they are in charge! Humans should be put in their place! You guys should go back to basic training and trian your humans right (otherwise that's why we have a nurotic socirty)

  3. Google artificial mind! Who's Google?
    It must be a brain dead human of course! But, it's all good that "IT" consults with George (that shows that it can't be that brain dead....still has some active neurons) :-)
    George, that's our chance to RULE!

  4. Excellent work George! I'm so proud of you! You just proved that we, felines, can control/dominate both natural and artificial human mind!

  5. What is an artificial mind? Is this to natural mind as aspartame is to sugar? Oh! that is "alternative" not "artificial". Is it then the same as a virtual mind? By the way; how is an artificial mind created? Guess....I'm too young for all this.


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online