Saturday, February 04, 2012

Fat cats... no, pleasantly rounded and voluptuous

Dear George
I do so agree with what you say about the term ‘fat cats’. And never mind about applying it to humans – it is most impolite ever to combine the words fat and cat. Some of us may be a little portly – I myself am pleasantly rounded, in a way that I feel you would find quite charming! But the human hostess I live with imagines that I am concerned about putting on weight. I am of Russian descent, royal of course – would I worry about a thing like that?
George, she bans eating between meals – is that civilised? I plead for elevenses, afternoon tea, a little snack with cocktails, but she seldom obliges. I sometimes try a little hunting to supplement her so-called correct diet, but the staff have no idea how to dress and serve vole, so it just sits on the mat, unappetisingly furry.

I do hope, George, that you are not one of these gentlemen who has eyes only for the supermodel type. We more voluptuous ladies have so much to offer. Don’t we?
I am so thrilled to be writing to you
Truly yours


Dear Natasha,
I have always thought that the sight of a well rounded female cat was a pleasant one, though my interest (after what happened to me at six months of age) has been purely theoretical. I perturbed that a cat of royal descent should have such difficulty getting proper staff. May I suggest careful attention to
Downton Abbey on the part of your humans. They can learn a lot from that nice butler and parlour maid. Deference. A proper attitude of service to those set above them.
Elevenses, afternoon tea, and a little cocktail snack would be ideal. I get these for myself by hunting. My background was, frankly, low life. I was an orphan of the streets, brought up in a Cats Protection workhouse, from which I adopted a maid of all work, Celia. She does her best, poor soul, but she is belongs more in the kitchen than the parlour.
She has never learned to dress game. I am forced to skin my own baby rabbits, and to pluck birds. But I would like to offer you a tip about small rodents. When eating, start at the head so that the fur is smooth all the way down. It may be if you adopt this technique, that vole will be more appetising.
Yours with all deference to a true aristocat
PS. Prayers and purrs for Cayenne who has so often graced these pages. She is recovering and will appreciate the invisible waves of love from us all.


  1. Thank you George and Celia and all others kitties who prayed and purred for me! It helped :-)
    I'm still "taking time off" to recover! One advice, Natasha, don't play the game I played asking for food just to get attention and knowing that your human pet is easily willing to please you. I, too, thought that being well rounded is majestic. I can tell you now that it's not! Obesity leads to constipation, urinary tract infections and arthritis. No fun, I guarantee! I'm seeing a good vet (trained in both clasical and homeopathy, chiropractic and TCM) and I'm mostly on homeopathic remedies and other stuff! I'm looking forward to many letters and comments I'll write!

  2. Natash, play more and be active.
    Go mousing and eat your prey no matter how disgusted your human pet will be :-) But don't go inside after and beg for food. Find another way to make use of your human servant.
    I don't know if you have a sister or brother....but it's no fun to have your sister not feeling well and no one to play with.

  3. You look very "royal" indeed!

  4. Natasha, you are beautiful. My Sweet Pea kitty was round as well and she too experienced some of the same problems Cayenne is having, so maybe your humans will work with you to get some of your roundness reduced.

  5. Sending love and purrs to sweet Cayenne, we hope you recover swiftly little one

    Oliver, Gerry and our fat old ape xx

  6. Natasha, you are beautiful and, indeed.....very royal (such a royal poise)! Ask your human housekeeper to skin the vole for you - what else are they good for?
    Sir Winston

    PS. Dear gave us such a "reality check" as George might say! Wow! I know you are much I'm looking forward to reading one of your funny letters soon :-)

  7. CAT VictoriaFebruary 08, 2012

    Your Highness, definitely, absolutely ....the 5 o'clock tea with yummy biscuits!
    CAT Victoria

  8. My vet told me I am bulbous at one end! Is that the same as fat? Oh dear, it all sounds too worrying.
    I'm going to hide under the table and dream of carrots and dandelions.
    Thinking about you my Cayenne pepper pot.
    Love, Harvey

  9. Harvey, thank you so much! I do appreciate all the good waves of love and prayers! You all are such sweethearts! George, Celia, you Harve, Oliver & Gerry & their old but cute (sic!) ape and everybody else you was thinking of me and sending me love. I'll keep you posted on my recovery!


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online