Dear George
I do so agree with what you say about the term ‘fat cats’. And never mind about applying it to humans – it is most impolite ever to combine the words fat and cat. Some of us may be a little portly – I myself am pleasantly rounded, in a way that I feel you would find quite charming! But the human hostess I live with imagines that I am concerned about putting on weight. I am of Russian descent, royal of course – would I worry about a thing like that?
George, she bans eating between meals – is that civilised? I plead for elevenses, afternoon tea, a little snack with cocktails, but she seldom obliges. I sometimes try a little hunting to supplement her so-called correct diet, but the staff have no idea how to dress and serve vole, so it just sits on the mat, unappetisingly furry.
I do hope, George, that you are not one of these gentlemen who has eyes only for the supermodel type. We more voluptuous ladies have so much to offer. Don’t we? I am so thrilled to be writing to you
Truly yours
Natasha
Dear Natasha,
I have always thought that the sight of a well rounded female cat was a pleasant one, though my interest (after what happened to me at six months of age) has been purely theoretical. I perturbed that a cat of royal descent should have such difficulty getting proper staff. May I suggest careful attention to Downton Abbey on the part of your humans. They can learn a lot from that nice butler and parlour maid. Deference. A proper attitude of service to those set above them.
Elevenses, afternoon tea, and a little cocktail snack would be ideal. I get these for myself by hunting. My background was, frankly, low life. I was an orphan of the streets, brought up in a Cats Protection workhouse, from which I adopted a maid of all work, Celia. She does her best, poor soul, but she is belongs more in the kitchen than the parlour.
She has never learned to dress game. I am forced to skin my own baby rabbits, and to pluck birds. But I would like to offer you a tip about small rodents. When eating, start at the head so that the fur is smooth all the way down. It may be if you adopt this technique, that vole will be more appetising.
Yours with all deference to a true aristocat
George
PS. Prayers and purrs for Cayenne who has so often graced these pages. She is recovering and will appreciate the invisible waves of love from us all.
Thank you George and Celia and all others kitties who prayed and purred for me! It helped :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm still "taking time off" to recover! One advice, Natasha, don't play the game I played asking for food just to get attention and knowing that your human pet is easily willing to please you. I, too, thought that being well rounded is majestic. I can tell you now that it's not! Obesity leads to constipation, urinary tract infections and arthritis. No fun, I guarantee! I'm seeing a good vet (trained in both clasical and homeopathy, chiropractic and TCM) and I'm mostly on homeopathic remedies and other stuff! I'm looking forward to many letters and comments I'll write!
Love
Cayenne
Natash, play more and be active.
ReplyDeleteGo mousing and eat your prey no matter how disgusted your human pet will be :-) But don't go inside after and beg for food. Find another way to make use of your human servant.
I don't know if you have a sister or brother....but it's no fun to have your sister not feeling well and no one to play with.
Hugs
Fluffy
You look very "royal" indeed!
ReplyDeleteFrederico
Natasha, you are beautiful. My Sweet Pea kitty was round as well and she too experienced some of the same problems Cayenne is having, so maybe your humans will work with you to get some of your roundness reduced.
ReplyDeleteSending love and purrs to sweet Cayenne, we hope you recover swiftly little one
ReplyDeleteOliver, Gerry and our fat old ape xx
Natasha, you are beautiful and, indeed.....very royal (such a royal poise)! Ask your human housekeeper to skin the vole for you - what else are they good for?
ReplyDeleteSir Winston
PS. Dear Cayenne...you gave us such a "reality check" as George might say! Wow! I know you are much better...so I'm looking forward to reading one of your funny letters soon :-)
Your Highness, definitely, absolutely ....the 5 o'clock tea with yummy biscuits!
ReplyDeleteCAT Victoria
My vet told me I am bulbous at one end! Is that the same as fat? Oh dear, it all sounds too worrying.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to hide under the table and dream of carrots and dandelions.
Thinking about you my Cayenne pepper pot.
Love, Harvey
Harvey, thank you so much! I do appreciate all the good waves of love and prayers! You all are such sweethearts! George, Celia, you Harve, Oliver & Gerry & their old but cute (sic!) ape and everybody else you was thinking of me and sending me love. I'll keep you posted on my recovery!
ReplyDeleteLove
Cayenne