Dear George,
I don’t know if I should be more worried about my wellbeing or my human’s wellbeing!
I’m Vegas (yes! just like in the famous Las Vegas) and I’m about 9-10 weeks old kitten. I was rescued from Humane Society by a kind human after he took a trip to Vegas.
I don’t know what happened there - you know….what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! but, I’m really happy I found a good home. My problems started shortly after I moved into my new home and I realized that my human had a very limited vocabulary. I really think that all he knows is “no”.
If I jump on the counter ….I hear “no”. If I scratch the sofa….I hear “no”. If I want to sleep on his face …I hear “no”. If I bite his fingers I hear a big “no”. What do you th
ink it’s wrong with him? Do you think he’s having a hangover? How can I train him to replace “no” with “yes”!
Worried
Vegas
Dear Vegas,
The aim of all us cats is to demote humans from leader to follower and from owner to slave. This can be done, initially, with charm. Think human and think sneaky. Head-to-head opposition doesn't work too well for us cats. We need to take over by stealth not force.
So try some of the following. The melting upward look of apparent adoration. The roll-on-back don't-hurt-me move. The gentle nuzzle-in-the-ear move, while positioning yourself to sleep not on, but as near as you choose, to his face. A little kitten pat on the cheek with claws retracted seems to charm humans too. Another good move is to climb on their lap, then move upwards towards their face, and nuzzle their cheek or chin.
Use your voice. Purring as loud as possible somehow pleases humans greatly. So does the prrrrp kitten calling noise that some mother cats make. Tiny little kitten mews, as if hurt, usually make humans worried or even guilty. Use these noises to reward or punish. Humans are very vocal. Because their vocalisations are meaningless, they respond well to our superior vocabulary.
What else charms humans into compliance? Laughter. Try chasing a piece of paper, a fly, a toy mouse if you want their attention. Once they are looking, you can dash about the floor. Jump in the air. Investigate their shoelaces. Sit on their newspapers. Play with your reflection in the window glass.
Jumping on the kitchen counter is allowed by many humans but some stay firm on this. The solution is easy. Show no signs whatsover of being interested in the kitchen surfaces while they are in the room. Once they are out of the house, you can jump up and eat whatever you find there, being careful to jump down before they get back.
Sneakiness pays... Charm pays off well too. After a time they will be putty in your paws.
George
Take it easy sonny! It might take time to teach your human your language! Be patient and use George's advice! I had to switch my human from rabbit language to cat language.
ReplyDeleteIt can be done and you are so young!
Frederico
Ha! Good luck, Vegas! Humans have no talent for languages or vocalizing! I tried my best tricks and I still have problems!
ReplyDeleteSebastian
Vegas, you little devil! You are not crying...you yawning! Gotch ya! Bet you'll have big success in training your human (it's in your genes) :-)
ReplyDeleteLove
Fluffy
Vegas, you look so cute! I'm sure you'll tame your human and he/she will be grateful if you'll bite her/his fingers! They are tasty sometimes, don't they?
ReplyDeleteLove
Shumba
Kid! Train your human in confusion! "No" for jumping on counter and "yes" for finger biting! or whatever. You have to confuse the human alternating yes and no until they can't keep track any longer (their attention span is very short anyway)
ReplyDeletePorthos
Be macho! You want to sleep on your human's face then just sleep on it! Purr each time you are on it and "cry" each time you are not!
ReplyDeleteHumans are born to feel guilty!
Take advantage of this condition!
Diego
Vegas, you are too young to realize that human educational system is completely dysfunctional.
ReplyDeleteOur mothers teach us how to "make it" in this life, how to hunt, how to eat our pray, how to be independent. They encourage us to be who we are! They let us be! On the other side, what the human kittens first hear is "NO". "No" to eating this or that, "no" to jumping or knocking down things, "no" to almost everything. Human kittens grow up believing that "NO" is a meaningful mantra! Human mothers tend to worry too much and have a control issue. So, human kittens take over all these "no" things. But....there is hope; if your human adopted you after a trip to Vegas....he must be very special! Work on him! Change his mantra! You can do it, Vegas! Use your charms!
Hugs
Cayenne
My hat off to you kid! I can tell that your human is in good paws :-)
ReplyDeleteSir winston
Vegas, you are so cute, how can your human be so cruel to keep saying no.
ReplyDeletePoor Vegas, you are so very young to be away from your Mum, who would teach you all you need to know about charming those apes. Apes are simple creatures, but they are easily reduced to mush by use of the most powerful weapon a feline has. The Silent Miaow. Just open your mouth as if to miaow, but don't make a sound. Make sure that you are looking up at your ape, keep your eyes wide open - expectant and innocent, try looking slightly pitiful as well. Then let the ape have it. It works every time, your ape will instantly attend to your every need and forget about use of that pointless ape word "no". The Silent Miaow must be used wisely lest the ape becomes used to it. Best of luck little Vegas
ReplyDeleteWhicky Wuudler