The cat that eats his broccoli....

Dear George,
It's true... I eat broccoli! And once more I put humans to shame as most of them “hate” broccoli! But not me. Of course I eat a species proper diet (meaning carnivore and well balanced) but I like to snack on broccoli … little bites at a time! My Mom is quite worried but I know it is good for me and it’s not doing any harm! I can even be a “poster cat” advertising for humans to eat their veggies! I’m setting up an example for kids!

Parents should be grateful! What do you think?

Gizmo

Dear Gizmo,
There are many ways that humans can learn from cats. Eating broccoli is only one of them. Humans can learn the value of silence from us, the importance of sleep, the beauty of graceful movement, and ability not to desire material possessions. These are spiritual as well as moral talents.
This all adds up to a spiritual superiority to humans. We have a natural absence of self pity: an acceptance of life as it is without the yearning for things to be different: the courage to live with pain: and a straight forward ability to live in the present most of the time. We don't shop. We don't envy. We don't try to control others. We walk away from, instead of towards, trouble. We keep ourselves clean without being vain about it.
So yes, you are an example for kids who won't eat their broccoli. But more than that. You, and every cat that is alive, sets an example of modest spirituality for humans to follow.
Yours
George.
PS. If you Mom is worried about your habit of eating broccoli she should keep an eye on the litter box. There is a special chart here which will gives graphic illustrations of what poo stools. Grades 2-3 are what should be in the box. grade 3.5 onwards suggests you should ease up on the broccoli!

Born to be wild.... or perhaps not.

Dear George, 

Is this a valid statement or not so much? We were born of a feral cat but in a human house! Does that make us wild? We are five kitten - seven week old now - and quite social. We are ready for adoption (if anybody is interested). Our mother, who actually let this nice, generous human touch her, is getting to the clinic to be spayed. We heard our “temporary” human mother saying that she won’t release our feral mother back to the wild since she’s quite used to human touch now. But, what about us?

Are we going to be OK? One of the "girls' in the gang is getting used to catnip toys as you can see in the first photo.

Any wise advice George?

In a very playful mood,

The Three Musketeers (out of five)

Dear Kittens,
You are getting the best education you could have for a happy future  - warm shelter,  regular meals, soft beds, and attentive human servants. Train them using rewards (purrs, rubs, and the opportunity to stroke you) and punishments (hisses, ignoring them, and if necessary swipe and bite).
Start as you mean to go on. An intelligent kitten will have trained his human within the first four weeks to feed the correct food, change the litter tray regularly, and play enjoyable games with him. And all this without the human knowing that she has been trained.
Don't be too selfish. Allow them to share the bed with you. They make good hot water bottles.
Love 
George.
 

Good manners means starting at the nose not the tail.

Dear George, 
I wonder if you can help me with my human. I believe, if what I read on your admirable blog is representative, that she is not really any more stupid than the average for her species, but she seems unable to understand the correct procedure for eating wild food. My mother, a cat of impeccable manners and breeding, taught me that the correct way to eat a rabbit is to start with the head. Then, if your appetite is delicate, you can leave the body to be shared by your family. Amy Vanderbilt’s invaluable Complete Book of Cattiquette confirms that this is how prey is consumed in the best circles, and I have followed her additional advice to leave an eyeball uneaten for “Mr Manners.” My human seems unable to understand this basic concept and keeps asking me why I eat the head first. She seems unsatisfied when I tell her that this is simply the right way to do it. How can I make her understand? 
Yours ever, 
 Scaramouche

Dear Scaramouche,
Humans don't understand fur. They don't have any (except for some long fur on the head and some in the pits and pubes). Males have a few bristles and that it that. But mice and rats have fur - lots of it. If you eat it from the head first, the fur lies down flat. If you eat it from the backside forward, the fur gets ruffled up and makes it difficult to eat.

So it's not just good manners to eat that way: it's good practice. I do know of a bad mannered cat called Toby who starts in the middle. But he has lost 7 teeth and grew up on the street. You can take a cat out of the slum but you can't take the slum out of the cat. 
Keep up the good manners.
Yours respectfully, brother,
George.
PS. I leave the scut of a rabbit for Mr Manners.

Why is there so much animal abuse lately?

Dear George,
I  like to live my life in harmony & balance! I always thought that’s the right way and, silly me….I thought everybody else was thinking and feeling the same way! 

But I was wrong - lately there were lots of reports on animal abuse everywhere! 

What happened to humans? Why are they so cruel? My first human listed me on Kijiji 

I was lucky I was adopted by a kind human; usually no one knows what happens with the cats and dogs listed on such places. Usually they are bought to be abused and killed. 

Why are humans so sick? What happened to their soul and spirit?

Hoping for a miracle!

Gizmo

Dear Gizmo,

Human cruelty to animals is sickening. Here in the UK, an eighteen year old has just been convicted of torturing Jager, a Staffy dog, for a whole day - beating her, rupturing her liver, breaking her ribs, and burning her with a cigarette. He probably ended his torture play by strangling her - or so the RSPCA concluded after examining her battered dead body.
The magistrates sentenced him to a mere 18 weeks in jail and he will probably serve only half of that.
One of his family yelled in court: "He's only a kid and didn't know what he was doing' - which I think says something about the family he came from. The only sensible part of his sentence was that he has been banned from keeping animals for life. There's a petition asking for a longer sentence here.
Get justice for Jager.
Yours gloomily,
George  
PS. You look glamorous in that sink.

Make declawing illegal....

Dear George, 
Mommy signed a petition asking to ban declawing in Canada. You can sign it here. She was very upset and was saying that this was mutilation and vets should refuse to perform it and should educate people instead. Guess this must be something terrible if mommy was so mad!
I can only imagine how painful the procedure must be and the terrible feeling after.

I know I need my claws to protect myself, to strike a chord on my guitar or to strike my brother Stanley (like in the picture attached).

George, can you explain why declawing should be banned worldwide and how can we better educate humans on this issue?

Rocky

Dear Rocky,
Human beings enjoy cutting bits off animals. They used to cut off the tails of horses until it became illegal. They still cut off the tails and part of the ears of dogs in the USA (not in the UK, thank goodness). And in Canada and the USA declawing is still legal. But it's not just declawing. The operation involves cutting off the end joint of each digit (which includes the claw). If somebody cut off the end joint of their human fingers, they would protest.
The operation is painful. Most cats survive all right after it, but they live diminished lives. Cats enjoy scratching and leaving their scent where they scratch. They can no longer do this. Cats enjoy climbing and now they can climb less easily, though they can still jump. There may be neuropathic pain for some of them: and they find some kinds of litter difficult to manage. So for declawed cats, life presents fewer pleasures and more problems. 
But the the so called "owners" of these cats, life presents fewer problems. The furniture is never scratched, neither is the human. In Japan, they go even further. If your cat scratches or bites, you can have it declawed and all its teeth pulled out. Human problem solved. The cat is now defenceless against owners who mistreat it.
"I think humans have reached the peak of cruelty, greediness and selfishness," says Rocky's friend, Michelle. She's right. I'd like to get my claws into the vets that do the declawing.
Yours gloomily
George.

 

Food – such hot topic for cats but still a dilemma

Dear George, 

Since you mentioned my name in your post recently I thought it’s time for an update! 

Well, I’m pleased to report that I totally adopted the couple who rescued me; they make good pets. They are very responsive to my needs and are very well trained. I have quite a clear, simple schedule – wake-up at 6 am for a round of play, eat breakfast by 7 am and then play some more and sleep until evening when I get my dinner! Some more play and cuddling and sleep again! I live a blessed, simple life! But, I have a dilemma when it comes to food. When I was living on the streets I was eating from garbage bins unless people would give me some dry food in their backyard. 
I’m no expert in food or nutrition but I see my human mummy spending a lot of time to carefully prepare my meals. I’m on a raw meat diet (80% meat and 20% organs) mixed with a Healthy Powder (it contains Lecithin, nutritional yeast, kelp, bone meal, eggshell powder, Vit. C and other vitamins and minerals) and raw yolks. Each serving in mixed with a teaspoon of organic gluten free oats (cooked) and 1/2 teaspoon cooked butternut squash. Three times a week I get fish oil/omega 3 and an extra taurine supplement to make up for whatever is lost through freezing the meat. Go figure! She follows the recipes from Dr. Richard Pitcairn’s book and sometimes from Dr. Karen Baker’s book.

I’ve seen her watching videos on www.catnutrition.org too. George, one thing I’ve learned while eating from garbage bins was that humans are completely immersed in toxic food culture.

They are fundamentally wired to prefer junk food as we are fundamentally wired to prefer treats over healthy food. I heard a lot about “dry food is no good”, “canned food it is better” but lately I heard canned food is no good either because the can lining is toxic, carcinogenic, etc. And yet I’ve learned about cats who lived to be 18 or 20 or even 22 years old on either canned or dry food. So, what’s the truth about food? There is no way around that! Or is it?

Purring in content

Chico

Dear Chico,
It's inspiring to read your survival story.
Most humans are just not clever enough to feed their cats a proper home-made diet. So good quality cat food, whether dry or in an envelope, will be the right choice for a cat. Avoid anything which is 'giblet flavoured' or anything labelled 'complementary.' Here in the UK that last label means the food isn't a complete diet. Avoid anything made in China. We cats have strict diet requirements, unlike dogs, and most good quality ready-made food will at least be adequate.
You can read about the dangers of a badly-made home diet here. The other danger is too much liver. We adore it and we would eat any amount of it. But that leads to an overdose of Vitamin A and severe health problems. So my advice to cats is, unless you have a truly well trained human and most are not, stick to good quality envelopes or dried food. Canned food may be OK for most cats, but there is a suggestion that the can lining might be involved in the development of hyperthyroidism. It's a bit of a minefield!
Yours
George
PS. I've just found a new product called Cat Soup. This might be useful for cats on a dry diet or cats that have a history of  cystitis.

The Feral Life - is it right for me?

Dear George,
I have a very important question to ask you: as a feral cat who was trapped (as you can see in the picture attached) and taken to be neutered what chance I have to become domesticated? I’m asking this because I was very happy living with my colony of feral cats in an absolutely gorgeous place (an open space shrine, ravine and a lake with lots of vegetation and hiding places). Some kind humans built us shelters. Same humans will feed us daily. My life was quite idyllic until this woman trapped me and took me to this awful smelling place. Someone asked her if she’ll put me up for adoption but she said no! She said she'll keep me with her until I heal and then I’ll be released back to the same place where I came from! I’ll forever be a feral cat and that I’ll never accommodate to living with humans! Is that true?
Ferdy the Feral. 

Dear Ferdinand,
It all depends on your kittenhood. If you were loved and handled by humans before the age of eight weeks or so, you will find that you can readjust to them after a little while. Of course, you will be scared at first, but if you choose the right humans, like a cat I know called Chico, you will be happy adopting them as pets.
If you never met humans, when you were young, you may always see humans as your enemy. And, alas, they often are. Homeless or feral cats can be chased, abused and occasionally even tortured by cruel humans. I called these feral humans - as they are savage, not domesticated. And they are far crueller than any cat.
That said, you may find after you have been put back into your normal territory, that you begin to warm to the humans that come and feed you. If that is so, and if you feel like it, you may begin to form relationships with them. I have known of feral cats that were fed regularly, that finally adopted humans and moved into their homes.
It is your choice. Trust your instinct and all will be well. It looks like your territory now has shelter and food, which are what feral cats need most. 
Yours 
George. 
PS. A word about neutering. Believe me, I have never regretted losing my bits. Neutering lets us lead longer healthier lives.

 

Farewell my lovely Abby the Tabby.

Dear George,
I am distraught. I have lost my playmate, Abby the silver Tabby. We spent hours and hours with each other - chasing each other through a tunnel, poking each other, rolling around on our backs, biffing each other, embracing each other in a rough way. It was such fun.
Now she has gone. I am betrayed by Celia who packed her into a cat carrier, handed her to two strangers, who drove off down the track with her. I shall never see her again and there is nobody to play with.
Tilly, my tortoiseshell companion cat, dislikes me. I try to play but she just runs away. Would you believe it? She lay on her back on the concrete outside the house and rolled in pleasure once she knew Abby had gone. She's a real loner and I can't see what Celia sees in her.
Here are some of Celia's videos with Abby and a photo of me and Abby counter surfing. My heart is broken.
Yours sorrowfully
Toby.

Dear Toby,
Life is full of greetings and departures. You were Abby's mentor. You helped her grow from a frightened kitten (here) to a domesticated pet. She owes her happiness, in large part, to you. Try to remember that and be glad you could help her.
Now she is setting out on a new and happy life, in a home she will never have to leave, with a young human couple who will make good pets. She is young. They are young. She can live to be 20 years old with them: something she couldn't do with your older pet, Celia. 
Yours sympathetically
George

Mia the Cat, a true world traveller with a Scandinavian sweater.

Dear George,

I’m a world traveller! I have travelled, first class of course, to many places, some far away and some closer to home.  I’ve travelled by car, by ship, by train and by plane. All was fun – I enjoyed every single trip! I’ve even learned of a famous cat in UK who is a train station chief – I don’t know if she travels too but she got a very nice station manager suit! Well, my story is a happy tail! I was rescued when I was just few weeks old by this nice (and good looking) human who found me abandoned in a carrier with no food or water on a sidewalk near a newly demolished house. I was scared and hungry and too young to know what to do! I think at the beginning he was scared too; he didn’t know what to do with me so he start taking me with him on his trips (some for business and some for fun). He even got me a nice warm sweater for when we go up north and it’s a bit chilly! I love my sweater – it feels so cozy (see photo attached). Last month we went for a short vacation to the Caraibes! No, I didn’t get a swimsuit – I went “au naturel” since I preferred to spend my time inside the hotel room and not on the beach!

George, I’m so grateful for having such a wonderful human pet! Who could ask for more? However, last night he told me that he no longer will take me with him on his trips because he read somewhere that static electricity and the EMF (whatever is that) are very bad for cats’ health.  George, is that true? What is static and what is EMF?

Or maybe he plans to bring in another kitty and can’t afford two extra tickets?

What do you think? I know he’s looking for a cat sitter right now!

Mia 

Dear Mia, 
It's difficult to know what to suggest. Electromagnetic fields are created by almost anything we plug into the mains - fluorescent lighting, TVs, computers, mobile (cell) phones, microwave ovens, Wi-Fi, powerlines..... Our homes are full of these devices, so if he is leaving you at home, you won't be protected against them. Even if he turns everything off, there will still be the field coming from your neighbour's devices.
Perhaps he just thinks you will be happier in your home surroundings. Outgoing cats can enjoy travel - camping, caravanning, etc.  Others find it too stressful.  
Below is a photo of the Japanese station manager cat at Kishi train station in Wakayama. Nitama had previously served as a stationmaser at Idakiso Station but her new job is a promotion to a bigger station.
Purrsonally I don't want to be a station manager. I hate wearing the Santa hat Celia once put on me. And I don't want to travel. I enjoy having my own territory. Just make sure that your human gets the right kind of cat sitter - one with a heavy hand when it comes to putting out food and a light touch with a fishing rod toy. Oh yes, and purrlease a cat sitter who keeps the litter box very very clean.
Yours
George.

ia, a tru

I am the thousandth cat..... celebrating a happy ending.

Dear George,
This is the family I have adopted as my pets. I chose a family with a couple of human kittens - just to have some fun with them. I'm that sort of cat: ready to play at any time.
Why am I the thousandth cat? Well, Cats Protection Fareham and Waterloo district branch has rescued 200 unwanted or homeless cats every year since they started up, and I am number 1000. 
I had made a bad first choice of humans. When I got flea allergy they just chucked me out and I spent a long time wandering around looking for a suitable home. It wasn't easy. But by the time I found Fareham Cats Protection, they helped me adopt the right people.
So thank you, all the 30 or so people who volunteered, raised money, and helped us Fareham cats find suitable human pets. And if any cats reading this want their humans to make a small donation to celebrate my new home, they can go to the donation page at www.fareham.cats.org.uk 
Now I must get back to training those human kittens of mine.... they need my help.
Yours thankfully
Erica.

Dear Erica,
I was a Cats Protection kitten, brought up and hand fed by Lou (now of Sunshine Cat Rescue), before I adopted Celia. So it is great to hear of the good work some humans do. Like you I am black and beautiful, with green eyes and a talent for making humans do what I want.
In a world where cats are so often mistreated or abused, it is great to celebrate a happy ending for a change.
Yours
George.

Cat-ha Yoga.....

Dear George, 

I need your help to set the record straight! Humans are claiming the fame for inventing yoga thousands of years ago which is absolutely not true! What it’s true thou is that, indeed, some thousands of years ago were some wise men (sages) observing us in utter admiration and, then they started copying our moves and poses! They quickly realized the benefit of breathing and stretching and they called this art Hatha Yoga (a mere typo as in truth it was Cat-ha Yoga).

We know humans are as flexible as dogs and that means ZERO flexibility (easily to observe in downward dog pose)! But us? Whoa! Just look at my twist in the photo attached! Can you see my perfect pose? Ah! That’s exactly what I mean! Do you see any human performing a twist to perfection? No! I tried to teach my human family but only one of my human kittens succeeded. She is very young and beautiful and very talented; she makes beautiful music and sings for me! I love her very much; like my own blood and flesh! She is so good now that I allowed her to teach other humans. 

But, George, how do we take back the credit as founders of yoga?

Namaste

Beau

Dear Beau,
Humans really are maddening. Of course yoga was invented by cats. Indeed, we are still adding to the yoga poses. An acquaintance of yours, Lenny, developed a new asana called “Cat Slipping” as you can see in the photo on the blog for for May 22 last year. And we have been doing zen meditation and other forms of oriental spiritual practices from the times before we even thought of domesticating humans. 
How do we get humans to admit this? I don't think we can. They are just dumb an animals, desperately trying to aspire to our level of spiritual intelligence. 
But why not purrsuade your young human to start a cat and human class. I can recommend sharing Yoga sessions with humans: it is immensely amusing seeing them trying to do a cat stretch. Take a look at this session here. The sheer clumsiness of the humans has to be seen to be believed. What is rather nice is that the whole session was also in aid of cats adopting rescue humans. 
Namaste
George

The smarter the whiskers, the smarter the cat.....

Dear George,

I read an article about whiskers and IQ; the article stated that more whiskers we have higher the IQ. I wonder if it’s true! Because if it is true I must be the most intelligent in our house. Not only my whiskers outnumber everybody else whiskers but mine are slightly curly too! Does this give an extra kick to my grey matter?

Can you expand on this idea George? It is very important for me as I’m trying to protect my Alpha Cat status in a household with four cats.
In whiskers I trust

Bentley

Dear Bentley,  
Whiskers rule! I agree with you - the smarter the whisker, the smarter the cat. It's a question of style.
It's not just the size or length - the longer the whisker the wider the cat, because whiskers allow us to put our head through a space and measure it. If the whiskers get through, the whole cat gets through. 
It's also the way they move. We can't see our prey if we are too close to it but the whiskers "see" it for us. They sweep forward and touch the prey so that we know where to put our claws to grab it. You can see that in slow motion here. It is so fast that humans cannot see it unless they slow down the film. 
We've also got whiskers above our eyes and on our legs (look at the photo on the right) - again to help us sense prey or the environment.

We are super-tactile. Poor humans their whiskers are more like fur, and what is more they usually shave them off. I suppose they are ashamed of them. What a strange species.
Yours
George

Are sprouting beans good for cats? I am not a rabbit.

Dear George,
I seriously wonder if my mummy knows the difference between a cat and a cow (yes, I know…both start with a “C”) or rather said between an herbivore and a carnivore!
I am saying this because for the last three weeks she is trying really hard to grow something for me, something that she calls “sprouts” (photo attached). I mean take a look at the photo and tell me how on earth does she think I’m going to it that ugly, unappealing stuff? She’s telling me that it’s winter and I don’t have any grass to chew on if I’d like to. But, for God’s sake then just grow some grass for me.
George, can you post a list of “greens” good for cats? PLEASE!

Yours truly and always,
CAT Victoria

Long digestive tract with huge caecum

Dear Cat Victoria,
I can't post a list of greens that are good for cats. But there is a list of human food which is poisonous to cats here. Grapes, raisins and onions (even in gravy) are on this list. The more you eat of these dangerous foods, the more poisonous they are. 
A little vegetable is probably good for cats, but not too much. We humans, and dogs,  are omnivores, and are designed to eat both meat and also vegetables. Cats are not.
Cats are "obligate" carnivores, meaning that their intestines are designed for meat - the whole carcase, skin and bones, not just flesh. You can see this in the illustrations here which show a a rabbit's intestines (an animal that is designed to eat nothing but vegetation) above with a cat's digestive system below. The rabbit (above) has a long intestine with a huge wavy pouch called a caecum which breaks down the cellulose in vegetables, while the cat has a short intestine with a small caecum which you cannot even see in this illustration. 
Here in the UK, you can buy special grass for cats. I think you would enjoy that better than sprouting beans. I know I would.
Yours
George

Internet down – Panic attack! Humans suffer cat withdrawal symptoms.

Dear George,
I almost had a panic attack tonight! I tried to connect to your blog to see what’s new and exciting and I realized that even if my computer wasn’t sick ….I still could not connect to you. My mommy explained to me that the Internet was down! I didn’t really understand what that means nor did I really care but, she told me that there are computers’ doctors called “nerds” and she’ll call one to the rescue. George, I know from your letters that Celia has a lot of trouble with her computer which is always sick and in the hospital. But, if my computer is healthy why the Internet will be down? What is the Internet? 
Mommy is trying to convince me that internet is like living a virtual life and that my real life is “here and now” with them, down on earth and in the kitchen. But, I don’t agree!
When my humans are coming home late and my brother Beau is hunting far away from home if I don’t have the internet I feel lonely, abandoned and disconnected. My real life is in the cyberspace, of course within the feline community. My humans tell me I’m addicted! Addicted to what? George, what is a good “escape plan” in case of Internet failure? I need a survival kit! Please advise. 
Yours…..definitely futuristic
Paco 

Dear Paco, 
You may have panicked, Paco, but that is nothing compared with human panic. I have seen Celia, with head on hands shoulders heaving or in a fury swearing at the computer. And once I saw Ronnie actually punch the computer. When humans lose it, they lose it.
The internet is quite simply a device to spread cat pictures, videos and information across the world. Cat blogs, cat jokes, cat photos and cat videos take up most of the space, even putting porn into second place! (And with extraordinary sexual carrying ons of humans, that really is saying something.) 
Cats rule in cyberspace. The Google Artificial Mind, 16,000 computer processors in a neural network, constructed a ghostly abstract model of a cat as its first project in artificial thinking. What else would it do? 

The Google Artificial Mind

Cats addicted? No, as much as humans. We do blog a lot - see the cat blogosphere here - of course.We have more or less taken over Cheezburger photos here and Youtube here. Do you know why? We are doing it to HELP humans. Watching cat videos actually contributes to their emotional health? Yes, really. Read the science paper in my postscript if you don't believe me. 
When the internet is down humans suffer from cat withdrawal symptoms, a serious human disorder. So no wonder you panicked - your concern was for your human. 
Yours George.

 PS. Myrick, J. G., (2015), 'Emotion regulation, procrastination, and watching cat videos online: Who watches Internet cats, why, and to what effect?' Computers in Human Behaviour, 52, 168-167.

Who's my father? Try the armpit test or quit worrying and be yourself

Dear George, 
Hope you can help as I’m living a big dilemma. I know who my biological mother is, I know who my adopted mother is, I know who my adopted father is but how would I know who my biological father is? When humans are looking for child support they do a DNA test and the “bad guy” ends up paying until the human kitten finishes university or is 21 years old. Well, in most cases we don’t get to live that long so our biological fathers won’t have to supply a daily fresh mouse for the next 21 years!
However, I don’t think it’s fair not to make them bring a mouse once in a while! 

My biological mother was rescued when she was very young and very pregnant! I was one of the kittens in the litter. The human who rescued my mother kept all of us so I had a very happy kittyhood! But, I wonder ….could that stray coming for dinner in the backyard be my father? Should I approach him? Ask him for a DNA test?

George, what cats do in such situations?

Eager to hear from you
Speedy

Dear Speedy,
It's a wise cat that knows its own father. I don't. A fair number of humans don't either: they only think they do. The joy of feline sex is that two or three different toms father a litter. It's nature's way of ensuring diversity. Humans have to have rules about this: we do it naturally. Gingers, blacks, black-and-whites, grey (all shades of) tortoiseshells and tabbies are all brought up as equals.
Forget your father. It's only boring humans care about paternity, and get DNA tests, and worry and upset themselves. It's mothers that count for us. They feed us and teach us. There's no kitten support from our fathers.
Yes, if that stray cat in the backyard looks like you, sniff the air and see if you can recognise a familiar scent. It's the armpit test and some believe cats can recognise their relatives. But that might just be catlore.
Purrsonally I never give my father a second thought. I am Glorious Me and that is all that matters.
George.  

I wish my mommy join the ….”no poo” (no shampoo) movement!

Dear George,
“No poo” which is short for “no shampoo” is the latest craze in North America getting more and more supporters every day! We’ve all seen humans going from one extreme to another in their search for happiness. So, for the time being, they decided that soap and shampoo are bad for them and stop using either. I heard some went as long as one year without shampooing their fur! Yak! Some are using some kind of oil and vinegar to clean themselves (guess these are fond of salad dressing) and some swear by “sun bathing”! But, NOT MY MOMMY George, not my mommy! Of course….she is at the other extreme taking showers twice a day and probably washing her hair as often too! Now, she wants to give me a bath every once in a while so I’ll shine! My skin horripilated at the idea! I shine anyway as I meticulously and rigorously groom myself!

George, PLEASE post some basic rules of cat hygiene so humans will understand we hate water and don’t need baths!

Yours in “no poo and water” for cats

Stanley

Dear Stanley,

What will humans think of next! Just because they cannot clean themselves (tongues too small and bodies too inflexible) they think we cannot. We can. We groom ourselves beautifully. We enjoy doing it. It soothes us into serenity. It is a very important part of our daily lives.

As an expert on humans, I understand (though I dislike) their habit of throwing themselves into water or pouring water on themselves. They cannot clean themselves properly so that is what they need to do to stay clean. We do not need baths. Never. 

Well, almost never. The only circumstances when cats need baths is if they get something dangerous on their coats - lily pollen for instance or paint or creosote. If that happens, humans should ring the vet (that loathesome but informed human), ask what to do and follow their instructions to the letter.

Just shampooing us for no good reason will irritate our skin and, if they use human shampoo, may even be dangerous.  

There are specialist shampoos for cats - used by those humans who put us into little cat cages and leave us for hours at cat shows. Cat shows are extremely boring for most of us though a few enjoy the human adoration. If you have that kind of human, you may well decide to rehome yourself. 

So no shampoo, please. Brushing us? Yes please. That is particularly useful for older cats who may not be able to reach all their body parts. And we enjoy it as much as we HATE baths.

Yours 

George

My new toy.... the TV zapper.

Dear George.
I have discovered a new toy, the TV zapper. There are two games I play with it. The first, and easiest one, is just to push it off whatever surface it lies on. Here on the sofa, I give it a good shove on to the carpet, then push it under the sofa.
The fun is seeing my human on her hands and knees trying to poke it out from underneath.
The second game needs all my Maine coon strength. I press it with my front paw. It has to be a firm press so usually I stand on it, rather than just poke. 
The result is very satisfactory. The moving picture on the TV changes. The humans get very aroused and angry about this. It's amazing how that square TV can wind them up.....
I recommend these two games to all cats, though small ones will only be able to do the shove-push-and-hide game.
Yours intelligently
Bob.

Dear Bob,
It is always good to hear of a new game, especially one that arouses humans from their lethargic gaze at the TV. Their visual addiction is one of the most irritating habits, though it may allow a quick whisk round the kitchen and a quiet crunch of anything edible on the high surfaces there.
My own way of interrupting TV addiction is to leap onto the top of the TV (if it is an old fashioned one) and drape my tail over the picture. If that is not possible, and nowadays modern TVs are designed to stop this, I go as near as I can to it, sit below and make meow noises at the screen.
That usually gets their attention.
Yours
George.