Saturday, May 14, 2016

The cat that eats his broccoli....

Dear George,
It's true... I eat broccoli! And once more I put humans to shame as most of them “hate” broccoli! But not me. Of course I eat a species proper diet (meaning carnivore and well balanced) but I like to snack on broccoli … little bites at a time! My Mom is quite worried but I know it is good for me and it’s not doing any harm! I can even be a “poster cat” advertising for humans to eat their veggies! I’m setting up an example for kids!
Parents should be grateful! What do you think?
Gizmo

Dear Gizmo,
There are many ways that humans can learn from cats. Eating broccoli is only one of them. Humans can learn the value of silence from us, the importance of sleep, the beauty of graceful movement, and ability not to desire material possessions. These are spiritual as well as moral talents.
This all adds up to a spiritual superiority to humans. We have a natural absence of self pity: an acceptance of life as it is without the yearning for things to be different: the courage to live with pain: and a straight forward ability to live in the present most of the time. We don't shop. We don't envy. We don't try to control others. We walk away from, instead of towards, trouble. We keep ourselves clean without being vain about it.
So yes, you are an example for kids who won't eat their broccoli. But more than that. You, and every cat that is alive, sets an example of modest spirituality for humans to follow.
Yours
George.
PS. If you Mom is worried about your habit of eating broccoli she should keep an eye on the litter box. There is a special chart here which will gives graphic illustrations of what poo stools. Grades 2-3 are what should be in the box. grade 3.5 onwards suggests you should ease up on the broccoli!

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Born to be wild.... or perhaps not.

Dear George, 
Is this a valid statement or not so much? We were born of a feral cat but in a human house! Does that make us wild? We are five kitten - seven week old now - and quite social. We are ready for adoption (if anybody is interested). Our mother, who actually let this nice, generous human touch her, is getting to the clinic to be spayed. We heard our “temporary” human mother saying that she won’t release our feral mother back to the wild since she’s quite used to human touch now. But, what about us?
Are we going to be OK? One of the "girls' in the gang is getting used to catnip toys as you can see in the first photo.
Any wise advice George?
In a very playful mood,
The Three Musketeers (out of five)

Dear Kittens,
You are getting the best education you could have for a happy future  - warm shelter,  regular meals, soft beds, and attentive human servants. Train them using rewards (purrs, rubs, and the opportunity to stroke you) and punishments (hisses, ignoring them, and if necessary swipe and bite).
Start as you mean to go on. An intelligent kitten will have trained his human within the first four weeks to feed the correct food, change the litter tray regularly, and play enjoyable games with him. And all this without the human knowing that she has been trained.
Don't be too selfish. Allow them to share the bed with you. They make good hot water bottles.
Love 
George.
 





Friday, April 29, 2016

Good manners means starting at the nose not the tail.

Dear George, 
I wonder if you can help me with my human. I believe, if what I read on your admirable blog is representative, that she is not really any more stupid than the average for her species, but she seems unable to understand the correct procedure for eating wild food. My mother, a cat of impeccable manners and breeding, taught me that the correct way to eat a rabbit is to start with the head. Then, if your appetite is delicate, you can leave the body to be shared by your family. Amy Vanderbilt’s invaluable Complete Book of Cattiquette confirms that this is how prey is consumed in the best circles, and I have followed her additional advice to leave an eyeball uneaten for “Mr Manners.” My human seems unable to understand this basic concept and keeps asking me why I eat the head first. She seems unsatisfied when I tell her that this is simply the right way to do it. How can I make her understand? 
Yours ever, 
 Scaramouche

Dear Scaramouche,
Humans don't understand fur. They don't have any (except for some long fur on the head and some in the pits and pubes). Males have a few bristles and that it that. But mice and rats have fur - lots of it. If you eat it from the head first, the fur lies down flat. If you eat it from the backside forward, the fur gets ruffled up and makes it difficult to eat.
So it's not just good manners to eat that way: it's good practice. I do know of a bad mannered cat called Toby who starts in the middle. But he has lost 7 teeth and grew up on the street. You can take a cat out of the slum but you can't take the slum out of the cat. 
Keep up the good manners.
Yours respectfully, brother,
George.
PS. I leave the scut of a rabbit for Mr Manners.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Why is there so much animal abuse lately?



Dear George,
like to live my life in harmony & balance! I always thought that’s the right way and, silly me….I thought everybody else was thinking and feeling the same way! 
But I was wrong - lately there were lots of reports on animal abuse everywhere! 
What happened to humans? Why are they so cruel? My first human listed me on Kijiji 
I was lucky I was adopted by a kind human; usually no one knows what happens with the cats and dogs listed on such places. Usually they are bought to be abused and killed. 
Why are humans so sick? What happened to their soul and spirit?
Hoping for a miracle!
Gizmo

Dear Gizmo,
Human cruelty to animals is sickening. Here in the UK, an eighteen year old has just been convicted of torturing Jager, a Staffy dog, for a whole day - beating her, rupturing her liver, breaking her ribs, and burning her with a cigarette. He probably ended his torture play by strangling her - or so the RSPCA concluded after examining her battered dead body.
The magistrates sentenced him to a mere 18 weeks in jail and he will probably serve only half of that.
One of his family yelled in court: "He's only a kid and didn't know what he was doing' - which I think says something about the family he came from. The only sensible part of his sentence was that he has been banned from keeping animals for life. There's a petition asking for a longer sentence here.
Get justice for Jager.
Yours gloomily,
George  
PS. You look glamorous in that sink.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Make declawing illegal....

Dear George, 
Mommy signed a petition asking to ban declawing in Canada. You can sign it here. She was very upset and was saying that this was mutilation and vets should refuse to perform it and should educate people instead. Guess this must be something terrible if mommy was so mad!
I can only imagine how painful the procedure must be and the terrible feeling after.
I know I need my claws to protect myself, to strike a chord on my guitar or to strike my brother Stanley (like in the picture attached).
George, can you explain why declawing should be banned worldwide and how can we better educate humans on this issue?
Rocky

Dear Rocky,
Human beings enjoy cutting bits off animals. They used to cut off the tails of horses until it became illegal. They still cut off the tails and part of the ears of dogs in the USA (not in the UK, thank goodness). And in Canada and the USA declawing is still legal. But it's not just declawing. The operation involves cutting off the end joint of each digit (which includes the claw). If somebody cut off the end joint of their human fingers, they would protest.
The operation is painful. Most cats survive all right after it, but they live diminished lives. Cats enjoy scratching and leaving their scent where they scratch. They can no longer do this. Cats enjoy climbing and now they can climb less easily, though they can still jump. There may be neuropathic pain for some of them: and they find some kinds of litter difficult to manage. So for declawed cats, life presents fewer pleasures and more problems. 
But the the so called "owners" of these cats, life presents fewer problems. The furniture is never scratched, neither is the human. In Japan, they go even further. If your cat scratches or bites, you can have it declawed and all its teeth pulled out. Human problem solved. The cat is now defenceless against owners who mistreat it.
"I think humans have reached the peak of cruelty, greediness and selfishness," says Rocky's friend, Michelle. She's right. I'd like to get my claws into the vets that do the declawing.
Yours gloomily
George.

 

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org