Cats in High Places. Royalty?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kattenstoet#/media/File:Kattenstoet.jpg

 Some good news, for a change, on the human front. We cats are slowly but surely changing human nature for the best.

I have just heard of Kattenstoet in Belgium, a cat festival. Humans dress up as giant cats, showing that they aspire to be as beautiful and as wise as we are.

Admittedly, these giant cats are wearing clothes not fur, but this is probably just due to the slow intellect of the organisers. Humans hoping (rather pathetically) to be like cats is nevertheless a step forward.

Why do I say this? Because the festival originally focused on throwing living cats from the church tower. An act of cruelty committed yearly by lowlife humans against their superiors, us. 

So fellow felines, our efforts to purrsuade humans to behave better, to accept our superiority, to act better towards us, have not been wasted. We are making progress little by little.

Indeed, this made me think further. I have been wondering whether we should not take over from the British Royal family. We would do a better job than the current Royals.

It is true that we slaughter wildlife. But so do the Royal family. They shoot and they used to hunt. The number of birds shot by a prince is far greater than the number of mice killed by a cat during the same period of time.  

We are far better looking than most of them. We are not money obsessed and do not take payments from spies. We do not have sex with kittens, and we know how to purr politely in difficult circumstances.  

King George V11 sounds rather good to me. 

Exciting news...my book may be chosen by a book club!

 

Yay, fellow cats... I have just had an email suggesting my book, A Cat's Guide to Humans, may be chosen by a Washington DC book club. At last, at long last, my effort at understanding humans may be taking off. 

As we cats know, humans are a strange species, misleadingly known as Homo sapiens. "Sapiens" is Latin for "wise." 

Which they are not.

Just to run through a few examples. Humans use alcohol and drugs and get hopelessly drunk and high. We use
catnip and after a little high of ten minutes get sensible again.

Humans don't have any fur. They have to cover their nakedness with artificial substitutes for fur. Our fur is one of the glories of being feline. We wear it all the time: we don't have to take it off or put it on.

Humans have kittens that are so slow to learn that they cannot walk for months and months. Our kittens are walking well after about four weeks.

Humans cannot purr. We can.

However humans, when they are properly trained, are very useful round the house. They make excellent servants - they feed us, provide laps, and warm radiators.

They are not bad: just very limited and of low IQ. 

 

Behind every successful author is a hard working cat

 

I have been a feline ghost writer for many years. My human, Celia, has published several books about cats. With her name, not mine, on them. My contributions have been essential but they have also been entirely glossed over.

I have toiled for months to help her understand cats. I have meowed. I have purred. I have scratched. I have nipped. All in the effort to get that dumb human to engage her brain in a proper feline way. 

Only one of "my" books has given me due credit. 

Even then, she insisted on having her name attached as well. A pathetic desire to get in on the act. Poor woman is so needy that she could not help herself!

Most cats would not have put up with this. Most cats would have refused to co-operate further. Many cats would simply have left home in search of a less selfish human.

I stayed. Why?

I stayed in the hope that eventually, with months of training, with endless patience on my part, that she would purrhaps fully UNDERSTAND CATS. 

She still doesn't. 

 

• If you want to buy iit, go to UK Amazon or US Amazon  It would make me purr with pleasure -- though your human might not like it.

Cats go walkies? Purrsonally, never.

Purrsonally, I have never allowed my human to put me on a leash and go walkies. It is demeaning, as well as unpleasant, to be treated like a dog.

We are not dogs. Most of us do not do walkies. 

Some cats - very few - feel OK about it. So they may be taken to the park or perhaps even down a street on a lead.

But is it safe? Will dogs in the street attack us? They might well. Will the human then be able to scoop us up and protect us? 

Do you trust your human to be sensible. Purrsonally I consider trusting humans to be a mistake. They are too stupid to be trusted.

But if your human insists, or if you would like to try it, get a proper training course - https://kittycatgo.com/cat-harness-leash-training-course/ 

• Also, remember that Christmas is coming up. My best selling book, A Cat's Guide to Humans, is available now here

  

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Look at the ears...

Maltese cat outside an archeological site - ear tip on left ear just visible.

With the help of my human I have been researching unowned cats in Malta. There are not many.

During a 6 day investigation, my human observed only 8 cats. Of these 7 appeared to be unowned - no sign of collar etc. And all 7 had tiny notches in their ears.

This was a sign that they had been trapped, neutered and spayed then returned to the site they belonged to. In 5 cases there were signs of feeding bowls and shelter suggesting a managed colony.

 It is called TNR - Trap, Neuter and Return. Malta are doing it wonderfully.