Builders in my territory....hiss

Don't you hate them.... strange men carrying a hold-all full of tools. Smelling of wood, plaster, metal, and sometimes of the yappy dog that is in their van.

They invade our home, bringing in their horrible scent to ruin the reassuring family scent. They are noisy -  drilling, thumping, banging, and hammering. And, if we're unlucky, they bring a radio with loud rock music.

In the evening when they have gone and we inspect our home territory, we find there is CHANGE.

I hate change. I want my safe family territory to stay the same, just as I want my daily routine to be unaltered.

Builders ruin that. So I hiss at them. I might even need to pee on their toolbox. 

Builders! You have been warned.

Stop feline cultural appropriation!

The name is George. George Online Cat. 

Only it isn't.

This name is cultural appropriation at its most disgusting.

George is NOT my name, but the name given to me by humans, who purrsist in calling us cats by names they, not we, invent. They don't seem to realise how bad mannered it is.

"George" is just a word to me. People are so stupid that when I react to the word, they think it means I "know my name."

Of  course I don't. It's not my name. My identity is bound up with my personal smell, my signature scent. It doesn't need a "blah blah" human utterance.

I react to the name because it predicts stuff like food, strokes, or (occasionally) punishment. 

Yet humans are too thick to react to my real scent identity which I spread on them when I rub against them. They only "recognise" my identity scent when I pee or spray - and then they react very badly indeed. They don't understand that this is my signature identity.

Stop and think, human. You are guilty of feline cultural appropriation when you think you have named me!

Upstaging your human on Zoom

Zoom is a photo opportunity for us cats. We don't have to rely on our humans to video us and put us on the net. We just pop into view in our own time.

Top of the screen appearances are the best way to upstage your human (see above). Just cover his face with your own, making it impossible for other humans to see him properly.  

Less useful but easier to arrange is the simple stroll across the screen, ending in the always amusing butt photo. The display of a gorgeously furry backside always gets human attention.

Or simply closely stare at the camera taking up the foreground leaving your human in the background.

The most widely enjoyed Zoom cat appearances was, alas, not the result of a real cat but merely a Zoom filter. An amazing court case occurred in the USA in front of judge Roy Ferguson, where somehow one of the lawyers' profile was taken over by a feline face mocking his utterances. Despite the warning on the Zoom screen, this went viral and even has its own wikipedia entry - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoom_Cat_Lawyer

 So, fellow feline artists, start refining your Zoom technique.

 

 

 

Say no to kitten porn

 

Innocent kittens are being lured into soft porn calendars where they are posed with half naked men... 

Unbelievable?

No, this is the latest trend in Australia, where the fire fighters calendar has decided that male muscles need the help of cats to be popular.

Worse still... not content with using adult cats for this adult human calendar, they have added kittens

Innocent little kittens.

Kittens that are not old enough to give a good claw swipe in order to say No to Porn.

Where will this trend end? How vile can humans get? Don't let your local firefighters get involved.

Say no to kitten porn.

A feline Christmas in the White House

Christmas isn't always a good time for cats. But this year, there is some good news. 

There's a cat in The White House. You can see her enjoying the decorations here on YouTube.

So, fellow felines, with that in mind, be careful this Christmas. Do NOT eat tinsel. It will get tangled up in your gut.

Do NOT eat Christmas pudding or cake. The dried fruit can poison you.

Do NOT drink alcohol. If you are drunk and crazy you may fall off the mantelpiece or injure yourself. 

Go EASY on the turkey. A taste is fine but the cooked bones may cause internal injuries.

If the house is busy with too many humans or worse visiting dogs, fine a safe place to chill out - a spare bedroom, top of a wardrobe or some other hidey hole.

It will soon be over.