Rat delivery to the isolated

 This week I did my best to help my isolated human. She has been having difficulties with online food deliveries so I set up my own rat delivery system.
I delivered two delicious rats. I couldn't resist a nibble so one of them was only half a rat. 
I put this one on my human's bed, where she would find it after her boring breakfast of porridge. Better than bacon I thought.
I was wrong. She shouted in anger and threw it away.
Maybe she didn't like being given the lower half, I thought.
So I went and got a second one, a whole one, still half alive, and delivered it to the living room.
Young, tender, still warm - it looked good on the red carpet.
I was proud of my efforts.
Was she pleased? No. This time she screamed, pushed it into a bucket with a stick and threw it in the hedge.
Humans don't do gratitude.

• To learn more about human behaviour get my book here.

Help humans - bring a mouse indoors for them

Cats hunt, humans just stand around doing nothing

Indoor- only humans are finding it difficult to adapt. We need to help them find  more to do. I suggest teaching them to hunt properly.
Till now their idea of hunting has been to go out in the car and bring back not just food but unwanted stuff - clothes, shoes, gadgets etc. Just stuff. There is no fun in it.
Let's teach them to hunt properly. I started last night bringing in a live mouse. I released it in the living room - my human was activated immediately, shooed me out of the room and shut me outside.

So, to make things easier, I brought one in dead. She simply threw it out.
No playing with it. No great interest in it. Just a desire to get rid of it. 
She didn't even nibble at it.
Next I left a rabbit on the steps. Again no interest. She threw it into the hedge. Have I given up? No. 
Next week I am going to see if I can interest her in a something more lively - a rat. 

• Find out more about humans by reading my book here. 

Make your pet an indoor-only human

We cats have all the space in the world: but humans should be kept in.

Keeping human pets indoors-only is a fashion that is sweeping the world. Yes, the world. 
For years we human behaviourists have advised that if humans are allowed to roam freely, hunting in supermarkets and in bars, they are at risk. They may enjoy being outside, but it is a risk to their health, particularly the health of the elderly pets.
Now the world is listening to our advice. Lock down your human.
So my guidance to all cats is simply this: Keep your human inside the house as much as possible. 
You can allow visits to the garden, if you bodyguard them to stop human-to-human contact. Garden exercise will help your pet avoid frustration. But that's all.
Indoor-only humans are healthier and more available for their home duties.

• For more about managing your human, get my book here.
  

Feline plot failure

Larry the British Top Cat was within a whisker of political triumph last week. 
Larry, a master feline manipulator, is at the centre of British government (Number 10 Downing St) having seen off three human prime minsters. But he has been plagued by a mongrel dog who has been power sharing with him.
The Times claimed that Dilyn the dog was on the way out. The reason?
The pregnancy of Carrie Symonds, partner of Britain's fertile Prime Minster Boris Johnson. Human females find pregnancy long and difficult and only give birth to one kitten at a time. Pathetic, compared with our litters. As a result humans are paranoid about pregnancies.
So a clever bit of fake mews was put out by Larry supporters who feel he needs Number 10 to himself. Dylin was a danger to the pregnancy and would go.
We cats don't care much for human kittens which are noisy, leak at both ends, and very late developers.  But the absence of Dilyn would have made up for a lot.
Alas, the plot failed. Dylin stays...
 

• If you want to know more about coping with human babies read my book here

COVID 19 and the butt kiss.

Are humans safe? We need a new etiquette to deal with diseased humans. I call it the butt kiss.
Humans are, unlike cats, very bad at washing. Standing for two minutes under the shower is no substitute for the thorough careful washing we give ourselves from nose to tail.
Now their general lack of hygeine is catching up on them and they are in a panic about a new virus.  Worse still it seems they may be able to pass this on to us. Or so the Hong Kong authorities seem to think. Read it here. 
They say humans should not be overly concerned and should not abandon their pets. But what about us cats? Surely we should be concerned. Our health may be at risk.
Should we abandon our humans? I think not. But, if you have a human that slobbers over you, or breathes in your face, turn your back and present butt. 
If they must kiss and slobber, they can kiss our backsides!