Purrlease.... don't put out the cat.

It's cold and miserable and damp in Britain. And what do some old fashioned humans do? They lock us out of the house, away from warm beds and central heating.
No wonder that some of us leave home or just follow some friendly stranger in the hope that they will let us into their house.This time of year it is too wet and cold for a cat to be left outside.
Besides, night time is the most dangerous time for cats. We get dazzled by car lights and then run over by cars. We get attacked by foxes or stray dogs or (in the US) coyotes.
So don't do it, humans.


 
Still time to order you copy of my book here. 

Humans have put out moonlight

The excitement of moonlight nights... the hoot of the owl, the footfall of a passing fox, and the ear twitch of grazing rabbits keeping out of its way. Humans miss all of this. They are blinded to the beauty and the thrill of it.
The songs and poems may talk about moonlight: but they don't practise what they preach.
Their eyes don't work properly in the dark so they fear it. Instead they light up their houses at nightfall and light up the streets, themselves, with street lamps. 
The beauty of the moon disappears under a tide of artificial glare.  
The time that means most to wild animals, and to us cats, is the twilight and the dawn. They cower in their houses at those times, watching TV and ignoring Nature herself.
They have put out the light of the moon. 


For more cats versus humans rule read here....   

Beware of Men in Red. Kill that beard.

Beware the festive season.
It's starting... men in red roaming around the streets.
Noisy fat bastards ringing bells. Run for your life if you hear "Ho Ho Ho" on the horizon.
Keep your dignity. Don't let them pick you up. Do not trust these Santas. They might put you in that sack they have over their shoulder.
Occasionally there are elves (so-called)  in attendance.They are usually women dressed up. Slim not fat. Even more likely to pick you up.
Sometimes the elves have long ears - rather as if they want to be cats. These come off when pulled. So if you are picked up, give these a smart tug with your claws.
As for Santa, pull off that fluffy thing he is wearing on his chin and kill it.


 
For more on Christmas buy my book here. 

Kitchen countertops - cats versus humans.

Humans try to impose a rule that cats should not walk upon kitchen countertops. 
The feline rule is that we are entitled to do just that whenever we want. 
With proper purrsistence we can change this absurd human rule this way.

• Cats are not allowed on kitchen counters. Ever.
• Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - occasionally if they are being extra cute.
• Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - if there are no human outsiders to see what is happening.
• Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - as long as they don't steal food.
• Cats are allowed on kitchen counters - as long as they only eat crumbs that have fallen there.
• Cats are allowed on kitchen counters. Any time they choose.

For more cats versus humans rule read here....

Fresh Laundry....mmmmm....zzzzz

Make your human do proper laundry. Not just washing and drying but also ironing. It's part of their servant duties.
Fresh laundry does it for me. There's something about those clean sheets and the carefully folded pillow cases. And, of course, the exture and the smell of the newly ironed clothes.
Even un-ironed sheets like the ones in the photo are special for cats. The more expensive sheets, like Egyptian cotton, are the best. So luxurious when freshly ironed.
The only odd thing is the human reaction. They wash. They dry. They iron. They fold. And then they place a lovely heap of clean laundry either in a warm laundry cupboard or on a nearby chair. So far so good.
We settle down for a glorious sleep. And they get inexplicably angry.
Odd animals, humans!