Exercise your human the feline yoga way

Dear George,

Last night I’ve got up (after a longer nap) to get my night time treats and there was no movement around. The silence was quite unusual and a bit unbearable! Hmm? Where was my mommy? I knew she was somewhere in the house; was she asleep? So I started moving slowly and quietly and there she was….in the stillness of the night…she was watching a video! But, mind you, not your regular video - I mean music or something!

In this video there was a woman explaining some exercises that my mommy was supposed to follow! That caught my interest so I joined my human to watch it!

George, you won’t believe this! The first exercise was about “stretching out one’s arms and rotating/spinning clockwise (apparently very important) like a dog chasing its tail until one gets dizzy! At least, I got dizzy just by watching it and honestly I think I’ve passed out! By the time I’ve regained my consciousness the woman in the video was bent forward in something that was called “downward dog”! What? I know most people behave like dogs …that’s why they are their best friends! They chase their tails, don’t know when to stop eating, looking at you with those big eyes full of loyalty and adoration and most of the time…barking at the wrong tree! Yes, most people but ….not my mommy! George, I have to save my mommy! I don’t want her to do all these nonsense dog exercises! I want her to behave like a cat: napping, relaxing, eating little but good and performing purrfect and elegant stretches (look at my picture attached)!

Now, how do I do this?
Uma

Dear Uma,
Canine type exercises (with all that bottom sniffing and tail wagging) are definitely not ideal for humans. They should be doing cat yoga instead. There are also some very nice feline yoga poses to be found here. If humans imitated some of our more common poses, and cultivated inner feline serenity, they would be much healthier and happier.  
I recommend that you join her during her exercise routine and see if you can entice her to imitate your behaviour. If you start by imitating some of her behaviours, you will catch her attention. Once she is watching, then take the initiative and do some interesting poses for her. Ziggy volunteered to help me by doing some of his more athletic poses for the camera - just to give you a few ideas.

If she continues to watch silly videos suggesting dog behaviour for humans just insert your body between her and the screen and blank it out. We can't have humans imitating dogs. It is just too humiliating for us and for them.
Yours 
George!  
PS. And let us not forget the feline revolutionary asana (below)

Does your human smell good to you?

Dear George,
I’m sitting here scratching my head as I can’t figure out how we choose our humans. I’m not talking adopting or rescuing them! I’m talking about something that transcends that stage.
Let’s assume we already have adopted/rescued them for, let’s say a month now and, of course we share our forever home with them. We all try to adjust and, if we train them well from the beginning, they’ll make good servants!
Then….boom! We find ourselves more attached to one of them! Why is that? How do we decide which one?
The only thing I can think of …..is the smell! Even so, how come?
They don’t smell like bacon or cheese or mice (I’ve heard that some humans smell like rats though) or roasted beef? What people smell like? I know my mummy’s friends buy expensive perfumes but, the perfumes smell like flowers or grass…not necessary something to be attracted to. Men don’t use so much perfume, at least not the ones I know.
So, George, what makes humans appealing to us? Why am I so attached to my dad?
Just asking,
Leo

Dear Leo,
Why are we attached to them at all, Leo? If we care for humans, is it somehow the instinct to care for kittens? Gone wrong? Or at least gone odd! Obviously we adopt or rescue them because they will  house us in the manner that befits the superior species, and be good butlers, house maids, and cooks.
But why love them?  Why roll in front of them, sit touching them, climb on to their laps, bunt them, and sometimes even groom them? The relationship between cats and humans has only been going on for about 9000 years: they are only semi-domesticated (and some feline scientists argue that humans are not domesticated at all). 
I am sure scent plays a part in why we love one more than the other. I agree that the powerful odours that females use are often aversive to cats. Men have more of a nice cosy human odour. And, of course, who feeds us makes a difference too. Follow the food bowl and you may understand your preference better.
This is one of the great issues of our time, Leo, and I am still struggling for an explanation.
Yours
George 
PS. A good job they don't smell of mice. I'd be tempted to eat one.

Celebrating Tortoiseshell Cats....

Dear George, 

As I continue to grow-up into a beautiful cat (as you can see in the photo attached)….my curiosity grows along with me as well!  There are so many things I’d like to know; so many questions to ask! I don’t even know where to start. But, I will settle for one question now and will leave the rest for later.

How and why do we come in so many colors and exquisite marks?

What makes some of us so colorful and some of us …just unicolor? I’m being told I’m a tortoiseshell. Some humans called me a calico cat! I kind of like “tortoiseshell” much better than calico. What is the difference between the two? Is this a breed? Can any cat be a tortoise? Is there something special about tortoises?

Please enlighten me as I’m also told that I have a cattitude specific to tortoiseshell cats.

So, what’s that? I’m very playful and up to cute mischief!

Just curious,

Cara

Dear Cara,
I am powerfully attracted (only insofar as the snip allows) to tortoiseshell (or calico) cats. I love that mixture of black and ginger. I particularly love the little straight line down the face with ginger one side and black the other. Cutest of the cute.
"Naughty Torties" is what tortoiseshell cats are always called. Maybe there is some difference in behaviour between colours but it is possible the lighter shades of cat are more friendly, because they are picked up and cuddled more as kittens. Cat rescuers don't mean to do this, but sometimes the unpopular colour kittens (black and brown) get less attention. So they grow up less cuddly. It would be very difficult to prove....
To be a tortie, you have to be female with a double X sex chromosome, XX, or a rare chimera male with an extra female chromosome X, ie an XXY. Males (XYs) with the dominant ginger allele are all over ginger because they only carry one X gene. Female  have two XX genes and one is randomly inactivated in each cell in favour of the black or brown producing the tortoiseshell coat.Various other coat colour genes then add white or dilute the colours.
I shall post some photos of my favourtite torties with their two-sided faces
Yours
George

Outrage - humans call us psychopaths.

Dear George, 

I’m really pissed at humans! Just because they are incapable to understand us they think they have the right to call us “psychopaths”? How do they dare to judge us based on a human mental disorder? I came across this article (https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2019/02/cat-psychopaths/583192/) and I could not believe what I was reading nor could I believe that someone created a survey to find out why people think cats are psychopaths! I have to say one thing: if they truly think we are then, this is because of them! We mirror humans! How about this

George, what’s your take on this? Did we so miserable fail in training humans? 

Bijou

Dear Bijou,

It is one of the worst side effects of our campaign for world domination. We have almost completely taken over the internet but we have failed to train our staff (video producers and marketing people) sufficiently. They will post stuff that is offensive to cats because they are blind to reading our body language.

Humans don't understand us. They keep comparing us to dogs - comparing like to unlike. It's not fair and it's not clever. I have booked my human into a TV programme with the ridiculous name of Psycho Kitties. I have instructed her to do her best to put the cat's point of view. It will probably be edited out anyway, but at least we will have tried....
Humans are psychopaths - the ones that neglect, kick, torture or kill cats. Cats are just cats - a species with their own wonderful behaviour.
Yours
George
PS. In the afterlife they will have to explain themselves to the Big Cat in the Sky. She has claws as well as soft paws. 

Of cats, harnesses and leashes

Dear George,

I truly believe that just like humans some cats are more adventurous than others. Why am I saying this? Well, I read on your blogs few letters written by really courageous and adventurous cats. But, hiking trekking, surfing or skateboarding along my humans definitely it’s not my cup of tea so to speak! You see, when I’ve adopted my humans they came with baggage: two human kittens and a dog. In the meantime the human kittens grew and went away to university but my humans still need to walk Bella (the dog) at least twice a day. Lately my “mama” start talking about having me on a harness and leash so I can join them walking Bella! Are they out of their mind? No! No! No! I have as much desire to walk the dog as I have to reach the summit on Mount Kilimanjaro! 

Actually my only desire right now is to take a nap in a sunny spot in my backyard garden! So George, how do I make it clear to my humans that I’m not a dog and, definitely I don’t fancy myself in a harness or leash! Phew! Unbelievable!

Yours,
FiFi

Dear Fifi, 
I so agree, Fifi. We are not dogs - grovelling and deferential animals who look up at humans and follow their commands. This just one of the many human delusions that we have to fight against. And it is very difficult to get the message through to them.
If they advance towards you with a harness, run and hide under the bed. If they pick you up with the idea of putting it on, wriggle hard and run and hide under the bed. If they hold you down and put the harness on you, run and hide under the bed. Refuse to come out for several hours. With luck, they will realise that you are not going to tolerate this senseless human behaviour.
A Siamese acquaintance of mine let her humans "train" her to a harness. They decided to take her and their caravan to Greece. On Brindisi docks, they let her out of the caravan in her harness and a sudden noise freaked her out. She wriggled free and nobody has ever seen her again. A warning to all cats not to let humans treat them like dogs.
Yours
George