Of cats, harnesses and leashes

Dear George,

I truly believe that just like humans some cats are more adventurous than others. Why am I saying this? Well, I read on your blogs few letters written by really courageous and adventurous cats. But, hiking trekking, surfing or skateboarding along my humans definitely it’s not my cup of tea so to speak! You see, when I’ve adopted my humans they came with baggage: two human kittens and a dog. In the meantime the human kittens grew and went away to university but my humans still need to walk Bella (the dog) at least twice a day. Lately my “mama” start talking about having me on a harness and leash so I can join them walking Bella! Are they out of their mind? No! No! No! I have as much desire to walk the dog as I have to reach the summit on Mount Kilimanjaro! 

Actually my only desire right now is to take a nap in a sunny spot in my backyard garden! So George, how do I make it clear to my humans that I’m not a dog and, definitely I don’t fancy myself in a harness or leash! Phew! Unbelievable!

Yours,
FiFi

Dear Fifi, 
I so agree, Fifi. We are not dogs - grovelling and deferential animals who look up at humans and follow their commands. This just one of the many human delusions that we have to fight against. And it is very difficult to get the message through to them.
If they advance towards you with a harness, run and hide under the bed. If they pick you up with the idea of putting it on, wriggle hard and run and hide under the bed. If they hold you down and put the harness on you, run and hide under the bed. Refuse to come out for several hours. With luck, they will realise that you are not going to tolerate this senseless human behaviour.
A Siamese acquaintance of mine let her humans "train" her to a harness. They decided to take her and their caravan to Greece. On Brindisi docks, they let her out of the caravan in her harness and a sudden noise freaked her out. She wriggled free and nobody has ever seen her again. A warning to all cats not to let humans treat them like dogs.
Yours
George

Do they know we love them?

Dear George, 

Last week was Valentine’s Day and my humans gave a cozy candle-light dinner for me. We shared the food less the chocolate cake but that’s all right as I love better my healthy cat treats made with wheatgrass and catnip!

It is true thou that no matter how dummies our human pets are we still love them.

We know, for example, how much you love Celia. And that’s all right too. You let her get away with lots of things out of pure love. I’m sure we all try to tell our humans every single day how much we love them but I’m not sure they all understand. 

Since you are the human behaviour expert what’s your opinion? Do they understand why we head butt them? Or why we purr loudly? Or kneading? Or giving them those little “love bites”? Or cuddle with them with our tummy up? What do you think?
I’ve turned upside down (as you can see in the photo) to understand them and understand their signs of love. How do they tell us “I love you”? What signs should we look for?
Cheerily,
CAT Victoria

Dear Victoria,

How far do our humans understand that we love them? They are pretty dumb when it comes to understanding our behaviour, partly because they are so blind to our body language. They sort of understand purring, head butting and kneading. But how many humans do you know, that can distinguish between the slow blink "I love you" and the fast blink "I am frightened so I am cutting off eye contact?" Not many, I fear.

So what are the signs that they love us? Well, they are very vocal and most of them pitch their voices a bit higher and sort of croon a little when they are "talking" to us. Rather like the way they "talk" to babies. Then there is stroking. The best humans know where we like to be stroked and do not stroke in places some of us dislike - the tummy or the backside under the tail. Then there is food, of course. Humans that love us feed us. 

However even loving humans take us to that horrible smelling frightening vet surgery where we are stabbed by needles....  We have to realise that our human pets are sometimes difficult to understand and accept them with all their failings.

Yours 

George.

Cats and bad weather... trust cats not groundhogs.

Dear George

How does one forecast weather? How does one know if it’s going to be cold or warm? Here is North America we mostly relied on our groundhogs to forecast the coming of the spring. The weather on Goundhog Day can influence if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not ... (check here) According to the legend, if the groundhog sees his shadow, then there will be six more weeks of winter.But if he doesn't, then an early spring and above-average temperatures are on the way! So, on Feb. 2 Punxsutawney Phil (of Pennsylvania, USA) saw his shadow and that means six more weeks of winter! But albino Wiarton Willie (of Bruce County, Ontario, Canada, check here) didn’t see his shadow and that means …early spring. 
Now who is to trust? What worries me is that with the “human catnip” legalized in both country I don’t know who’s smoking what and that’s how I found myself stuck indoors between blankets…cozy but still indoor! I love being outdoors! I can “smell” spring in the air but what can I do? We just have been hit with another snow storm today!It seems that Punxsutawney Phil was right! Six more weeks of cold weather! Brrrr!

George, how do you forecast weather in the UK? Do you rely on a groundhog or a weatherman?

Uma

Dear Uma,
My human uses me as a weather forecaster. I am very sensitive to the risk of ice, snow, rain and drizzle. I particularly hate wet. I lived on wet concrete under a car for a dreadful six months and only survived because Gaynor picked me up and gave me to Celia. So I never ever want to be out in the rain and wet again.
If I refuse to go out in the morning, which I often do, she knows that it is damp from rain during the night or the rain is coming. I can sense the moisture in the air. I feel the same way about snow. If I look up and see that yellowy cloudy sky, that in the UK means snow, I just stay inside and use my litter tray.
Ice and frost? If it is cold but dry, then I might venture out, walk up the garden, then return. If it is very cold, I use the litter tray because the garden soil is frozen solid. Dry without rain I patrol my garden properly. I don't claim to be entirely accurate, but human forecasters are not accurate either.
My message to our humans is this. Trust cats not groundhogs. If the cat is inside refusing to go out, it means its damp, cold and miserable. Stay indoors and break out some more cat food for us.
Yours
George.

Snoring or purring? That is the question.

Dear George,

I was sound asleep (as you can see in the photo attached) when I was suddenly awakened by loud laughing! I jumped up scared that maybe some strangers found the door opened and got in but, no…there was my human mommy laughing her head off! What was she laughing about? Well, she said she was laughing watching me snoring out loud! What?

Was she bluffing? I know I purr quite loudly but I don’t snore! I don’t even know if cats snore! I know my daddy does and pretty heavy too but, at least he has an excuse as he can’t purr. Believe me he tried many times but the noise that came out from his throat was rather comical! So, dear George, do cats snore?

And, by the way…what’s the difference between purring and snoring?

Leo

Dear Leo, 
Do cats snore? Some of us do. Snoring happens when our throat muscles are relaxed while we sleep so they don't move the air through freely. Then the surrounding tissues vibrate making a snoring noise.  It also occurs if we have a blocked nose from cat flu. We cats are also more likely to snore if we are overweight or if we have short noses. Sadly humans have bred Persians and other breeds with such snub noses that their upper airways are kind of twisted up. Thus the snore. The really badly affected cats may make a snoring noise when they are awake. Shocking.
It's absurd that humans should laugh at our snoring. Their own snoring is so much louder and unpleasant. I have sometimes had to leave the bed, when my human has a blocked nose and snores horribly.
Purring is completely different. Humans can't do this. The muscles in our throat intermittently close our glottis, the area which includes our vocal chords and the opening between them. Our diaphragm muscles also move and the sound comes out both when we are breathing out, and also when we are breathing in. Some cats purr silently: some loudly.
I purr at medium loudness because it helps my human sleep. And I prefer them to sleep soundly so that they don't wake me up by tossing and turning.
George

Cats and birds - yum yum

Dear George,
I have mixed feelings and I don’t know what to do! I need your help!Here is my story: lately my mummy started bringing home people and cats; human guests who stayed for too long (if you care to ask me) and few cats she fostered for a shorter time.
There must be something wrong with mummy! Why does she think she have to help everybody and anybody? What could she possibly be missing in her life if she has me? What? Last night I’ve heard her talking with a friend and promising she’ll look over her two birds if she’ll bring the cage over to our house (while her friend will be travelling overseas). She even promised her friend that I’ll be a good girl and become friends with the birds! Phew! How could I befriend a bird?
George, I love my mummy very much! Should I be honorable and tell her honestly that I’ll never befriend a bird or should I keep quiet and enjoy the “accidental” but juicy dinner? Would she learn her lesson then? What do you think?
Shumba

Dear Shumba,
Aren't humans dumb! Cats do not befriend birds. We hunt them. It is in our DNA. Has she ever seen you looking longingly out of the window at passing birds? I think she ought to take a closer look - your body tense with hunting desire and your eyes in a hard stare. It's not the look of a cat that wants to cuddle up with a bird. 
Here's a photo of one of Celia's foster cats, Boomer, looking at birds on the windowsill. You can't see his eyes but you can perhaps see how (despite being fat) he is craning his body round to get as close to the bird on the left as he can. Believe me, Boomer didn't want to befriend that blue tit. He wanted to grab it!
All in all, Shumba, I would just let her go ahead. Why waste the chance of having some juicy prey put right in your reach! 
Have fun with the birds.
Yours
George