Tigers, lions, Whiskas cat food and a disgusting dentist

Dear George,
I know this letter won't be published in time for Global Tiger Day on July 29, but I want to appeal for support from fellow felines. The problem is humans, Homo sapiens.
You little tigers, tabbies and others, have cleverly domesticated them. But, alas, we big cats  cannot do this. We thought about capturing a few, keeping them in captivity to breed, and then killing and eating them, (like humans do with cattle), but somehow our hearts were not in it. We kill to live: we don't live to kill, like some humans.
We tigers are not as deliberately cruel as humans are. We are not dentists after all (read here about the dentist that shot a lion with an arrow making it die slowly over more than 24 hours). We are just wild animals trying to survive alongside humans.
They take our land, shoot us, trap us, snare us, cut up our bodies for Chinese medicine, or stuff our corpses so that dentists can put them on a wall and feel good about themselves. Whiskas cat food are supporting Global Tiger week here.
Yours
Anonymous Tiger cub

Dear Tiger Cub,
We know how desperate our big cat cousins are getting as their number dwindle. Even us small cats, who have learned to survive by domesticating humans and living in their territory, suffer from human cruelty. There are thousands of unwanted stray cats desperate to adopt a loving human.
I was disgused to read about the story of Cecil the lion, killed by a bow and arrow and given a lingering painful death. Just so a pathetic dentist could stuff his head and put it on the wall. Shame on him. Make this revolting death mean something by by getting your human to sign a petition here. Or donate for Cecil the lion here. 
And, please, please, please, if you know any humans who don't have a cat, purrsuade them to adopt, or foster, or give money to unwanted stray cats.
Yours
George.

Animal communication….scam or reality?

Dear George,
I stand here today (in front of a lion ….as you can see in the photo) to debate the animal communication topic. You know very well we can communicate effectively with all species but, humans are not that evolved so, of course, we have a problem communicating with our human pets. Take my example: we are a three cat household, all rescued and, of course with health and/or emotional issues that normally come along with all rescued cats. Our mommy worries a great deal about our wellbeing! 

She tried all novel things including alternative medicine. Well, she wanted more; she wanted to hear from us what we think, what do we like or dislike, etc. So, she booked a reading with an animal communicator. Just to see how dysfunctional humans are…. they call “talking” with an animal communicator….a reading! Phew! Anyway, this woman wasn’t any good but my mommy didn’t know. I did not like her so I shut up and didn’t say anything. She “made up” some stories and charged my mommy a big fee. Mommy was a bit confused so she asked a friend who gave her someone else’s name. Well, well, well…..this time….this animal communicator not only that she was the real thing…she was a real treat! Sweet and compassionate and very, very respectful. We clicked right away and I told her lots of things, things that no one else would know. Mommy was in shock but happy! Now she has a much better understanding of what we like or not, what do we need, etc. Daddy is still skeptical about the whole thing but hopefully….one day … he’ll believe in it too.
George, I like to hear your opinion; what do you think about all this!
Yours… very telepathically
Jasper

Dear Jasper, 

Telepathy? Maybe.  Extra sensory perception, or ESP - yes. We cats have an extra sense that humans lack - the sense of smell. Humans are blind and deaf to smell, poor creatures. However, there are special humans that can "read" us well. I don't quite know why but perhaps the why of it doesn't matter.
The trouble is that humans cannot tell the difference between humans who can read cats, and humans who can't but charge high prices anyway. I can smell a bad human from about 200 metres.
Can we distinguish good from bad cat experts? Of course we can. We can read our human pets without any difficulty whatsoever.  That's why we domesticated them in the first place! 
Yours
George.
PS. Celia thinks the money would be better spent on a properly qualified cat behaviourist - but she would say that! She's toiling through her master's degree on the topic.

The dog who saved a cat.

Dear George,

I’m not going to repeat my story as most of your blog followers know me by now but I want to introduce Hallie – the dog who saved me - she is such a goodhearted and beautiful girl. Around Christmas Hallie lost her “cat” who was her best friend. She suffered so much that her mommy (my mommy now too) had to come home with a cat who would befriend Hallie. When I arrived to my new home, Hallie was all too happy to see me but I wasn’t so sure.  I lived my life on the streets or in the pet food store until then. Of course I’ve seen dogs before but never lived with one. I was overweight and didn’t know how to play. Hallie and mommy taught me to play and have fun.  I lost the extra pounds soon and started having so much fun. Hallie even gifted me with her favorite couch – as you can see in the photo. The nickname of my new home is “harmony.” Everything and everybody is so nice, loving and lovely.

I know the saying that cats and dogs don’t get along but this is one example that actually we do. And Hallie is one smart and beautiful dog.

With gratitude

Bander

Dear Bander, 
Congratulations on your sensible relationship with Hallie. You are so obviously Top Cat. You have taken over her couch, as any self respecting cat would, and she is lying below you in a submissive posture. Quite right too. Cats should always look down on dogs.
I am so glad you have recovered the gift of play. Play is so important.  Dogs play in almost all circumstances but we cats can usually only play if we feel relaxed and happy enough. It comes of the fact that we are the more grown up than canines. Dogs are more likely to be permanently young at heart. Which is why they even look up to humans, can you believe it? Poor silly souls.
Happy endings are what I love most. So many of my friends like Tilly and Toby have gone through adversity and it is such a pleasure to read how they adopted a suitable human and achieved  happiness at last.
Yours
George
PS. Bad news.  Celia has decided to go North to the Shetland Islands to look at wild birds. She's not going to catch them, but just look. So she will not be available to type my blog next Saturday. I wish humans would not let us down like this.

Swimming in a lake or mousing in the forest wilderness?

Dear George,
No, it’s not what anybody would think looking at the photo attached! I’m not practicing a roll, nor am I doing yoga or meditate. I’m simply stunned (and speechless) by my mom’s somehow irrational behaviour! Last week she wanted to take us (me and my brother Rocky) to a lake for a mini-vacation! Who would take a cat to a lake?

Cats don’t swim; at least I don’t! But my mommy doesn’t either! She thinks she does but ….no-no, she’s not; I’ve seen her in the bathtub – she just stays in here doing nothing. I've never seen her swimming across the bathtub (which definitely is not the size of an Olympic pool)! So, what’s the point going to a lake? But, this was last week! This week she wants to go to a cottage up in the mountains but she doesn’t want to take us with her! Now figure out why! George, you won’t believe this! Because ….we shed! Is this for real? Doesn’t she know that cats love the forest? We love the endless hunting opportunities! What if a wild animal will attack her? We could protect her. And who cares if we shed in the forest? No one is going to choke on our hair. Who would be disturbed by a hairball or two in the wilderness? George, how do I tell her that she’s completely wrong? Even worse; she arranged with a cat sitter to come and stay with me and Rocky. But, I don’t want any cat sitter – I want to go with mommy!

Too stunned by my human to say any more!
Stanley

Dear Stanley,
Human "reasoning", so-called, is a mystery. Shedding? So what?  We have this wonderful ability to shed or grow hair according to seasonal temperature - unlike humans. They are stuck with the same hair (and not much of it) all year round.
Envy. That's what it is. Humans hate shedding because they can't do it themselves. 
What's a bit of cat hair between friends? I have an idea on how to revenge yourself on her. Rub furiously on her best clothes in the wardrobe or when she is wearing them. Leave fur on her pillow at night, on the kitchen surface, inside her handbag if possible.  Be creative and think of amusing places to leave it.
And barf up hairballs. Best place for these is on the floor just near her bed, exactly in the place she puts her bare feet first thing in the morning.
Will it change her mind about the forest? Not sure. But teasing humans in this way is always fun.
George

The difference between purring and…..snoring!

Dear George,

As an expert in human behaviour I’m certain you’ll be able to explain the difference between purring and snoring. Why cats purr but humans snore? I heard humans saying many times that our purrs calm them, make them feel happy! Well, I can’t say that humans snore have same effect on anybody. My mommy doesn’t snore but definitely she doesn’t purr either. I’m trying to teach her (click the link) but she simply doesn’t get it! The noises she makes make me laugh! How do I teach my human properly purring?

With loud purrs

Sophie

Dear Sophie,

What a great purr.  If anybody can teach a human to purr, it will be you. They will want to imitate you when they hear it.

I don't think it will work, however. Humans just can't make that noise. Lions can. Tigers can. Cats can. But poor humans cannot.  

Eat your heart out, you humans.

Yours

George.

PS. I am putting the video of you purring here, but the sound doesn't seem to work. Cats will have to imagine a HUGE purr.  If any cats know why the video is silent please tell me.  I don't have purrmission to upload it to YouTube and put a link.
 PPS. There will be no blog next Saturday. I shall be imprisoned in a cattery while my human enjoys herself. Must remember to bite cattery owner.