Freedom..... why do humans fuss so much?

Dear George, 

I’m Zoe – remember me? About two years ago (on a sunny Father’s Day) I was rescued from a shelter as my human daddy fell in love with me – I was such a cute kitten! It was love at first sight. Well, I grew up since and I’m very proud to announce that in these two years I trained my humans unexpectedly well and I even got “my human mommy” hooked for life (of course to me). But, all this time I was kept indoors as they were too scared to let me out in the backyard. But now, I finally can claim……VICTORY!
I convinced them to let me out to enjoy my beautiful backyard.
At the beginning they let me out in the garden on a leash and under their strict supervision. Now they start letting me out free, no more leash but I think they are stalking me. If I jump trying to catch a butterfly ….they jump from a nearby bush. If I hide under a bush hunting something….they come to see what I’m doing. I really enjoy the garden - as you can see in the pictures - but how can I make them stop stalking me? I don’t want to call the police on them. Any tips? I’m so happy to be free in the garden!
Happy Father’s Day to all fathers!
Zoe

Dear Zoe,
Looks like you are having a great time in the garden. I can see you are measuring up that fence with the idea of climbing over it. And it's lovely to nap on a bed of flowers, isn't it?
The freedom issue is a tough one for us cats. In the USA veterinary humans (grrrr... how I loathe vets) are in favour of keeping all cats indoors. What do I think of that? Well to me it seems like keeping us captive in a zoo. Not an impossible life but a diminished life - unless humans do a lot to entertain us. And by the way they can get some tips here. I suppose if you have never known freedom, then you don't know what you have missed. The feral cat down the road says this to me when I discuss my lack of interest in sex after the snip.
But you have made your bid for freedom. I suggest luring your humans into a state of relaxation about it. Humans can't help worrying. It is part of their emotional dependence upon us cats. They may seem like adults or father figures; but at heart they are just kittens when it comes to their relationship with the superior species, us. They are neotonised - that's the posh word for it. We are the grown ups.
So don't let them see you eyeing up the fence. Pretend that you are happy just to chill out in the garden. Give them a month of this, and they will stop worrying.
Then you can whisk over that fence for a look at the big world outside.
Love 
George.

Dear George,
Should I marry my human?  This is the issue of the day, now that Karl Lagerfeld the fashion designer has admitted that he wants to marry his cat, Choupette. He has fallen in love with her.
Nothing surprising about that, you might say, - the falling in love. We know that humans can become almost entirely emotionally focussed upon their cat or cats. Some refuse to go on holiday or even away for the day, because it will mean an absence from their loved one. 
But marriage? This isn't really a feline relationship. We do friendships but not marriage. I wonder if it would just make the human even more hopelessly dependent. What do you think?
Yours doubtfully
Beauty.

Dear Beauty,
Marriage between a cat and a human would not be a good idea. Sure, humans might want it and might enjoy it. But it will put an awful strain on the cat. We felines like our freedom - freedom to walk down the road for a second breakfast, freedom to sit by another person's fire while our humans are out, freedom not to come when called. Marriage would be the union of one person and one cat for life - no two timing.
Besides, it is unnatural.There, I have said it. We don't do that sort of thing. Those of us lucky enough to have kept our sexual powers, go out on to the roof tops to mate. Most litters of kittens have more than one father. We queue up for it! It makes perfect sense, in an evolutionary way, to have a diverse litter so that more kittens may survive. That's not the way of marriage.
You have also spotted the other major problem. Humans can become hopelessly dependent on us - Karl Lagerfeld is a good example of this. We need to help them be a little more adult about their love for us and a little less needy. Marriage won't help: it will harm these pathetic humans.
Yours sincerely
George.
PS. I wouldn't want to marry Karl Lagerfeld or even have a civil union with him. He's too old for me.

Are humans capable of feeling grief?

Dear George,
Do humans mourn the loss of another human? Are they intelligent enough to recognise that  a human is dead? Should we take any special measures if our humans lose a loved one?
Yours thoughtfully
Ziggy.

Dear Ziggy,
As you know humans are not a highly intelligent species, but I believe that they have the same feelings as we do, even if they are unable to think higher order feline thoughts. So we must assume that they do mourn the loss of a loved companion.
The signs of mourning in a human are water leaking from the eyes, confusion, exhaustion and breaks in the normal routine. I am currently seeing this in Celia, who is mourning her companion human Ronnie. I made sure she saw the body, so she knows he is dead.
I am ensuring she tries to follow some of her normal routine by insisting on breakfast at the normal time, so that she eats some too. At night I take up extra space in the bed, so that she does not so badly miss the warmth of his body. I am also showing her extra affection through the day. She is finding this comforting.
Yours
George

No blog this week. My secretary is unavailable.

The household is in a mess. People keep coming and going. There's a weird sort of suitcase breathing and pumping oxygen. One of my human pets is very ill but they don't seem able to end it for him. It is a pity humans don't have proper vets. I hate vets but they have their uses when our health fails completely. Celia, my secretary, is therefore too busy to help me write this blog this weekend. So I have merely uploaded this photo of my profile just to share my handsome good looks with other cats.

Rain, sun, bees and worldly matters - Purdey's deep reflections.

Dear George,
You may remember me from past correspondence between us, when I told of the delights of scampering around in the snow. Not that we in the countryside to the west of London have had much of that for many a month; for almost as long as I can remember it had come down in the liquid form, resulting for me in too much lying around indoors.
You know what I mean – on the settee. On the settee back. On the bed. In the bed. Atop the nice double radiators my human friend installed. Nice, but boring after a week or three.

But at last, a week back, warmth and real, genuine sunshine! Time to get out and have the new air freshen up my fur. While I of course groom to perfection, nothing beats a nice legs-in-the-air roll on a gravel driveway, then a full-speed run around the garden with tail waving, a sudden meeting and quick hiss at my sister or mother, then, then… somewhere to hide away and have a nice rest.

I saw that a young pine tree that has been growing for quite a number of years in a bath tub has put on a spurt over the past 15 months or so and is quite a height. My human has been saying for three years that it looks lonesome and he will dig it out and set it free in the wild, wild forest that borders us. But not yet. He is looking anxious as he surveys its size.

Anyway, the pine now has a low spread of dense branches and a lot of tall grasses interspersed with things called 'flowers' around its base. Or trunk, I think it is called. And it faces the sun, backed by the house wall. Nice to snuggle down alongside, and I find that I can view the world from that ideal of positions, concealed and slightly raised. And warm. Where I can and indeed do contemplate on worldly matters.

What a state the place is in! All the fault of humans, I'll be bound. Mousing has been poor for three years or more, as has birding and even the frogs and little lizards have been absent from around here. And I hear my human going on about the almost complete lack of bees over this period. Then he goes on to blame other people, including a local Important Person who is supposed to look out for the requirements of humans, especially with regard to countryside matters.

 Anyway, this is all too much for my brain at the moment. Here are a couple of photographs showing me in deep contemplative mode, and also giving up and rolling on to my back among the grasses in the shade of the young pine tree.

Purdey 

Dear Purdey.
I envy you your pine scented retreat, a place to think deep feline thoughts. Odd how humans don't notice the lack of wildlife until it has almost disappeared. They seem blind to nature a lot of the time. I keep track of the mouse,young rabbit and bird numbers almost automatically as I do my daily patrol round my territory. Why wouldn't I?
Like you, I love lazing outside in the sun. Radiators, sunlit windowsills, sofas and beds are fine but it's heaven to doze outside in the sunlight, scents of grass, insects and country mice all around. I think my best thoughts then.
Yours hoping for a good summer
George