Campaign for cats on Facebook

Dear George,
For the past few weeks, our human has been chattering away about how much fun she's been having on The Cat's Whiskas Facebook page. She shows us all the lovely photos and stories shared by other humans about their clever cats. And recently we've caught her meowing at her computer on more than one occasion!
We were originally concerned because she usually saves her meows for communicating with us, bless. But she explained that she's actually recording her meows for our benefit! The Cat's Whiskas are campaigning to have cats officially listed on Facebook profiles. Did you know that even though our human shares every other part of her life with us, she still can't list us as part of her family on her profile? Indeed, that is just not good enough.
And so we write to tell you about the campaign, and to invite you and all of your readers to encourage their humans to join The Cat's Whiskas page and record meows for cat equality!
Strength in numbers,

Bonnie & Buttons
The Cat's Whiskas
http://www.facebook.com/WhiskasUK

Dear Bonnie and Buttons,

I know you work for Whiskas, so I need to say that your letter has gone on this blog because I think it is fun to make Facebook into a more catty zone. Why not? My secretary, Celia, already runs a Cats Behaving Badly page (http://www.facebook.com/CatsBehavingBadly ) of which I disapprove heartily as it is a space for humans to post funny photos of cats. I would like a page where I could post funny photos of humans. Here's what I find funny about humans - their odd way of washing with water not saliva, their inability to move their whiskers (if they have any at all), the way the males lose their hair on their head, their nakedness - skin without fur, etc etc.

Of course, there are areas like the cat blogosphere which is devoted to cats who blog. But a feline Facebook membership would be another area where we could express our feelings about the idiotic species, Homo sapiens (I don’t think), which we keep as pets. There’s too much on the web from a human point of view. Lets get our felinity out there as a corrective to anthrocentric thinking (ie: human-centred thinking).

Think Cat, say I. So, Bonnie and Buttons, get typing. Make your secretary work for you. We could also use your page as a place to post photos of cats that need homes – there are plenty of those in my area (http://www.westoxfordshirecats.org.uk).

Purrs and rubs

George

Kittens, kittens, kittens..... and the recession too.

Hi George.
I'm told you are a cat of knowledge and many friends so I thought I'd speak to you about my humans and their plight. You see they are part of a charity called Lincoln Cat Care that tries to find homes for cats and kittens that do not have human servants. But for some silly human reasons (something to do with money and financial climate I'm told) they have had a huge influx of cats and are really struggling to find homes and look after all us cats and kittens.
My story is a good example. I was what they call a “stray”. I call it free. But cold. And hungry! In my first season I met a big Tom and fell for his charms. Of course he cleared off and come the day when my kittens where due I was scared and didn't really know what to do. I went to the garden of a human who had been giving me and some others some food and had my kittens in the open in his yard on some bricks. That was Sunday 17 April. On the Monday a lovely human came to scoop us all up and take us to her home. She is now our willing servant, totally chained to the power of the meow!
She tells me that she is a new volunteer with Lincoln Cat Care and that I was very lucky as all their foster carers were full up when they heard about me and they would have had to turn me away if she hadn't come forward! Can you imagine that? I would never have found the joy of a good chin rub, and given my size and the fact that I really struggle to care for all four kittens I doubt if all of them would have made to to their two week birthday. A man she knows called Ed Cole is a pro DVD editor and camera man, he offered to put this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_pRK0sDEyw> film together to try to raise awareness of the cats just waiting for the right human to take them home, but now we need people to spread the word!If you search on You Tube for Lincoln Cat Care it's the first one.
Do you think any of your friends could get their humans to watch it and tell their friends? Obviously my kittens aren't up for adoption yet. But many other cats are! The website; http://www.lincolncatcare.com; has details of the majority, or you can call them.
Apparently my kittens have to go with me to something called a V E T. I've had my flea and worm treatment but they were to young, now they are old enough to get the V E T to do it, he's also going to check us all in case the human has missed anything. So I'd best be off to make sure the human gets them all in the basket, I don't know if she can count!
Thank you so much George,
Lots of love,
Sophia
(and, left to right, Gaynor, Oscar, Shackleton and Silent Bob)

Dear Sophia,
Your friend Ed Cole is just what we need at West Oxon Cats Protection, the charity which rescued me off the street in the first place. We are not yet swamped with kittens, but we have far too many older cats needing homes. The human recession is really making life tough for us cats. People are losing their homes and then discovering they can't find rented accomodation which will let them keep their family cat or dog. Other people, without veterinary insurance, are handing in their cats to us. Still others (humans are so cruel) are just dumping their cats on the street. Finally, there are the people who don't have the money to get their cats neutered or spayed and dump cats with kittens on the street. It is sickening.
Please, you cats out there, see if you can influence your humans to give some money to local cat charities. Money is the best thing. Volunteering is the next best thing. That is the single most helpful human gesture towards our species. Many of us cats have been badly let down by our humans: others are just unfortunate. If you look at our West Oxon website you will see elderly Duke, whose equally elderly human became so ill that she could no longer keep him.
My human, Celia, sometimes despairs of humans. But I pass on feline wisdom. "You can't do everything, but you can do something. So what you can do, do it." Let's flood YouTube, Facebook, and all the other networks with cats needing homes and with cat care videos. Get the message, you dumb humans.
Humans can count but with typical arrogance they think we can't. We can - up to about six or seven which is all the numbers any sensible animal (not humans) needs.
Love George
PS. Had a great deal of trouble getting my secretary, Celia, to type the words. She just drooled over the kitten photo. Babies leave her cold: but kittens....

A hat for the royal wedding!

Dear George,
Watch! Stillness! Watch more! Get a little bit closer! ACTION!!! No, no way with my female human clapping her hands and shouting “fly bird, fly! WHAT? Is this for real?
I can’t believe her! Is she insane? Am I clapping my paws shouting “fly turkey, fly” when she cooks that big bird? No! I’m waiting in silence until it is nicely roasted and then claim my portion! George, why are humans so insensitive? I was so focused, “intensively” watching a little bird (as you can see in my photo) not even with the intention of killing it. All I wanted was a few feathers to ornate my hat for the Royal Wedding! I am CAT Victoria after all, right? Now, the bird is gone and so is my royal attire! I have to miss the wedding and watch it on TV! Phew!
George, any ideas how I can train my humans to not interfere with my activities? I even heard her saying something about a little bell around my neck? What? Does she think I’m a rattlesnake? I want revenge! She should be punished, don’t you think so?
CAT Victoria

Dear CAT,
I took little interest in the Royal Wedding, except to lie on my back for a bit so that Celia could stroke me while watching. The idea of bagging a pheasant (plenty outside) in order to snatch one of its tail feathers hadn't occurred to me. Nice idea. Nice try. As always, our best intentions are frustrated by our humans.
Sneakiness is essential, in order to have a satisfactory life with this rather dumb pet. Like you said, sit quietly waiting for the turkey to roast before claiming a portion. I do a special upward imploring look at my human, in order to get titbits. I almost look like a dog - soulful, deferential, pleading. In fact I am silently muttering "You silly human. Give. Give. Give. Idiot."
However sometimes guile, deviousness and dishonesty get what we want.
Bells round the neck I hate. For one thing collars on cats always are somewhat dangerous. My favourite charity Cats Protection every now and again will pick up a stray cat that has got its paw caught in its collar. My human says she has never come across a really safe collar. And (though I hate them) flea spot-ons from a vet are far more effective than old fashioned collars that have potentially dangerous chemicals.
Should you punish your human? I use punishment, as I use deviousness, guile, sneakiness and downright cheating, to get what I want. Scratching? Yes. Biting? Yes. But only in circumstances where it will work.
See if you can't just outwit her with your grace and charm.
Love George

Delay in posting

Due to human incompetance, and a power surge disabling half the electrics in my house, my secretary has been unable to post my blog for this week today (Saturday). She assures me she will do so tomorrow (sunday).

A war between breeders - a stud cat's tale.

Dear George,

My life story is based on lies, sex and money! I was caught in a war between the breeders. My name is Yogan and I am a pure breed. You might wonder what I’m doing here among rescued cats, but, in way, I’m a rescue too. I was born in a breeder’s house being destined, of course, to a life of sex and lies; I mean I was supposed “to produce” many, many kittens who would be sold for big money. Quite before I was supposed to “meet” my first “wife” I was sold to another breeder. I don’t know what exactly went wrong between the two, but I heard something about lies, money and papers. And, that’s how the war between them started. In between the court appearances, the one who bought me decided to neuter me so, if she can’t breed me ….no one ever would! I got “fixed” in “revenge” and not as a responsible, sensible solution to cat overpopulation!

In a way I’m happy I got the snip since I wouldn’t like to know my kittens being abandoned on the streets by some irresponsible humans. But I was (still am) appalled by the breeder’s motivation! That’s just another example of human greediness and irresponsibility. Soon I was up for sale again! But this time I was “rescued” by my “mommy” Jackie. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for more; she is well behaved, well trained in attending to my wellbeing and absolutely lovely. She lives for me! She loves me immensely! I’m writing to you George because I want you to make my story known – may be we all can learn something from it. What do you think?

Still appalled

Yogan

Dear Yogan,

You have had such a lucky escape. Most stud cats are kept in a cat chalet and never come out. If the breeder is ethical, they may have a spayed female cat for company. If the breeder really loves cats, then they will usually only be kept at stud for a year or two before being neutered and homed as a pet. But, in bad hands, the loneliness of the long-captived stud cat is awful. They cannot be kept in the house because they are so smelly. Some of them develop behaviour disorders like pacing walking up and down their small cages like suffering zoo animals.

The plight of the un-neutered tom on the street or in the countryside is different. He does have all the pleasures of freedom and the fun of mating. But with that goes a high chance of disease. Un-neutered toms do more fighting than neutered cats and fatal diseases such as FIV are spread by bites. They also roam far more and are more likely to be run over, lose their homes (if they had one) and end up battered and starving on the street. Many of the male stray cats that we at West Oxon Cats Protection pick up are in this condition. (If you go to the website, you will find Arthur there who needs a home). If their original owners had only had them neutered they would be safe and well at home.

Add to this that there are too many homeless cats, and you will see how important it is for cats to be neutered and spayed if they are going to lead the domestic life. Every single human that breeds kittens is adding to the overpopulation. Frankly, I think it is horrible. And I also think that irresponsibly breeding any animals from a very limited gene pool (mating within relatives for instance) results in some hideous disorders. Don't believe me? look at hereditary disorders in pedigree cats at www.fabcats.org.

You have now escaped the immense boredom of the stud cat's life and come home to live with your pet human. Congratulations. Please try to purrsuade all humans to adopt unwanted cats from animal shelters rather than from breeders. If they want a pedigree cat, they can adopt a rescue from the rescue arm of the relevant pedigree cat club. Or settle for a lovely moggie.

Love George

PS. I only wish we could have a neutering and spaying campaign to stop human overpopulation. This intellectually limited species is difficult to influence.