Me and food

 I like my food - regular portions delivered at the right time of day by my human. In an ideal world, each portion would be about the size of a small rodent and it would be delivered about six times a day.

That is how I would eat in the wild. I would have to hunt for each meal and many of my hunting attempts, at least half, would be unsuccessful. So to get six rodents, I should need to patrol, find the prey, and steady myself then launch a pounce at least 12 times a day.

That's  a lot of effort with space and patrolling between each hunting effort. So the timing of my meals would be one small meal, then a gap, then another.

That's not how I am fed. My owner puts down food for me usually twice a day, before she leaves the house and when she comes back. She used to leave unlimited dry food so I could snack as often as I liked, but I got too fat.

So, she puts the food down, usually an envelope. Then I eat some of it and leave about half. I often then ask for more even though there is half the food uneaten.

This irritates her. Even when I eat most of the food, I leave a little bit. 

"Why do you always leave something for Mr Manners," she asks rhetorically. 

I just smirk and meow for a new envelope.

 

Recognise cat dependance disorder

 Cat dependence is a little known human disorder that can ruin the relationship between we felines and our human pets. The emotionally needy humans need our help. Here are some of the symptoms.

• Humans insist on interrupting our sleep with unwanted petting.
• Humans interfere when we are eating - with more unwanted petting.
• Their separation anxiety (when away from us) is shown by their need to pet us unnecessarily, when they come home from a shopping trip.
• They insist on putting us on their knee, when we wish to sleep somewhere else.
• They pick us up and cuddle us when we do not wish to be cuddled.
• They do not respect our bodily boundaries - ie they touch us on the belly, or at the base of the tail, when we have made it absolutely clear that these areas are out of bounds.
•  They stare lovingly in a way that unsettles us.

Dealing with a cat-dependant human requires infinite patience, a careful programme of small nips to create proper boundaries, and the cultivation of a safe haven, where we can sleep uninterrupted. 

 

• For more on human harrassment read Being Your Cat.