Good news for cats world domination....

The human brain is getting smaller. They are beginning to lose their capacity to out-think animals. Read the scientific details here. This is very good news.

Our world take-over will speed up as their thinking capacity shrinks. Purrsonally I have seen signs of a shrinking brain in my human already.

• She's getting testy, unable to tolerate frustration. Some felines wonder if this is due to the heat wave. I think it is due to brain shrinkage.
•  She is much less energetic than she used to be. It could be cognitive dysfunction of the elderly but it also could be brain shrinkage of her species.
• She is getting more difficult to train even though I follow the excellent manual One Hundred Ways for a Cat to Train its Human. 
• Her general capacity to anticipate and fulfil my demands is falling away.

These, of course, are the unpleasant signs of human brain shrinkage but in the long view it must be a good things. 

Roll on the day when we cats take over completely.

Humans and a safe haven

 Why do humans insist on leaving their territory. They call it a "holiday" or a "vacation." They move out of their proper place and roam far afield - for no very good reason.

No sensible cat would do this. We cats live in our own habitual areas - a core territory with a safe den and then a hunting range. 

The hunting ranges is where we go about, even if we don't hunt. We patrol it. We make sure nothing has changed and, if it has, we sniff carefully and sometimes mark it with urine as a kind of post-it note to ourselves to double check and as a message to other cats if  they share our range.

If we are indoor-only cats, then this distinction between the core territory and the hunting range is not so clear. Even so we appreciate a safe haven area, like the core den, where we can retreat if there are upsets or changes within the house.

My core territory is on the bed of my human. That's where I go if there are strangers in the house. I feel safe there. And, if things go really bad like shouting or building work in the house, I can always go under the bed, itself. 

My friend Percy has his safe haven on the top shelf of the wardrobe! He feels safe high up.

Why don't humans have the same sense? They go hunting for food or for work outside the home, but why go away for a whole two weeks roaming far afield?

Humans really are a strange species.

Techie help for lost cats

 At last... we cats are getting the same techie help as dogs. A microchip for all of us.

The law is changing in the UK and after June next year all pet cats must be microchipped by law. Why? So that if they get lost they can be more easily reunited with their humans.

Of course, I am microchipped. So is Jimmy, whose photo I used at the top of this blog. All responsible humans give us cats a microchip.

But there are still unthinking or old fashioned humans who don't bother to do this. And there are some humans that save a little bit of money by not doing it.

What will happen? Well, the unthinking humans may now be reminded by a vet to do this.

The truly unsatisfactory humans, the ones that don't bother to neuter us, still will not bother. But at least they will be liable for a fine.

It will make life easier for rescue shelters. A quick check for the chip... Easy. Cats with responsible human pets go home. 

Cats without responsible owners can be adopt better human that make better pets.

Black is beautiful. And funny.

 Just some funny black cat photos of my uncle George, the founder of this column, to celebrate Black Cat Day last week and to commemorate his memory.

An annoying human invention

 

My friend Tilly hunting in long grass

Wretched humans are destroying our way of life. We cats like hunting and we enjoy bringing home our prey through the cat flap to show off to our humans.

We would like congratulations from them but we usually get shrieks and dismay. We can live with that. Actually it is quite fun to see their reactions.

But now that fun is about to stop. Some horrible human scientists have come up with a cat flap that stops us from coming into the house with a mouse or a rat. It's so clever that it reads our face and can tell if there is something in our mouth.

What will they come up with next to ruin out lives?

Triumphant Toby brings home a rat to show off

Stop your human now! otherwise it will take an interest and join the early stages of this puritanical invention at kickstarter.

We have the right to  bring out prey home! Stand up for this!

International Cat Day photos

 To celebrate International Cat Day next Tuesday I am posting pictures of international cats - taken by my secretary. Notice how other photographers cannot resist a cat snap either. Guess where! Answers at the bottom of the pix.

....

Answers: My street, Serbia, Pompeii, Isle of Man, Egypt, Orkney.

Play is more than just play

This is natural play with a dead mouse

Play isn't just play. It's important for our feline mental health, especially if we are indoor cats. We need it. 

It exercises not just out bodies but also our minds when our humans play fishing rod games with us. We can stalk and pounce and bat the toy on the end as if we were hunting.

I hunt a little bit indoors anyway. I hunt flies on the window pane and any other kind of insects indoors. I pounce on spiders and butterflies when I get the chance. I even eat them occasionally.

This is the same play with a toy indoors

But that's not enough because my human has such a tidy apartment with so few insects in it. I need more. I love chasing toys on the kitchen floor and I absolutely adore fishing rod games. 

So purrlease play with me. It's the theme for International Cat Day which is coming up soon. Find out more https://icatcare.org/international-cat-day/

 

Why do humans lie on litter?

Even kittens know what sand is for.

 Humans are so weird. This time of year they leave their homes to go and spend hours lying in the sun on nature's litter tray -- the sea shore. Miles and miles of hot sand, ideal for feline use, are full of humans just lying there doing nothing!

There they are, with only a few bits of artificial fur (clothing), on sand. Sand is what I love too - but for digging and pooing in. Any heap of builder's sand, any child's sand pit, makes the ideal feline toilet. 

One of the misunderstanding between us cats and humans is just this. They really get upset when we use the kid's sandpit! Or - the next best place - the newly raked dry seedbed.

But why, oh why would they want to just lie on sand. The sand gets in all their nooks and crannies, but they don't seem to mind that. They don't seem to understand that sand is for toileting.

Now I enjoy lying in the sun. I love doing that. The sun on my fur, a little ripple of breeze, the warmth relaxing my whole body. So, no wonder they enjoy the sun too.

But if there's a choice I use paving or grass to lie on: sand is for other purposes.

It can't be the texture that attracts them, because they usually put down a towel or a bed. Maybe they like the company. They seem to lie there crowded against one another...

As I said, humans are so weird.

What if your human dies....

Marnie hates all cats and all humans

"What are you going to do if your human dies? She's old and her head fur has gone grey!" 

That is what a feline friend said to me the other day.

It set me thinking. What am I going to do? I hadn't thought of it at all. I looked at my human - arthritic, elderly, wrinkled skin and possibly even the first signs of cognitive dysfunction. 

Well, what was I going to do? She might not last long enough.

Alfie would fight me

As a middle aged cat, I didn't fancy leaving home through the cat flap. At least not without a plan. The neighbours on the right would take me in for a little while but they are trying to sell their house. But if I don't find someone else, I might starve.

The neighbours on the left wouldn't, because Alfie their cat would fight me to the death and perhaps kill me. He HATES me and I am frightened of him.

A little up to the left lives Marnie (see the top photo). Marnie patrols the street - nips humans, likes Natcho, but terrifies most other cats. So no 43 is no good to me. 

Natcho rules

Most of the humans in my street already have cats. I don't think Pauline could take me in because ginger Natcho would be horrible to me. He is very bossy and takes her for walks

Chester, opposite, lives indoors only and is scared of other cats so that is another cat-loving home ruled out.

I am going to have to make a survival plan -or get my human to redo her will and mention me in it. If all else fails I shall have to go back to Sunshine Cat Rescue or Cats Protection.

Meow......I will have to do a feline will in the event of HER death.

Face at the window

 

Pay attention, human passersby, as you go about your business outside. There's a feline face at the window watching you. In almost every town in every country.

Sometimes you do not notice us but we are watching your every move.

Those windows that you pass without looking in have someone looking out.  

You are under surveillance in a way that you do not understand.

We cats are watchers by nature. Sometimes we just sit, but more often than not, we sit and watch. We watch for movements and for moving targets.

You may be our focus.

We watch for prey and we watch for predators. And, when we can't or won't go out, windows allow us to do just this.

So, humans, furnish your windowsills with soft sitting places. 

So we can watch in comfort.

Neuter: don't just feed.

 

I know that among humans are many who are kind enough to give food to those of us cats who are living rough. Thank you.

They don't realise that food is not enough. The best help for these cats is neutering and spaying. They will stay healthier and happier for this.

I was lucky enough to be neutered early and so, if I am unlucky enough to lose my home, I won't be exhausted by the search for sex and fights with other cats on my territory. I won't get the awful diseases spread by cat bites.

It's much the same for females. Spaying means that they will not be exhausted, sometimes even to death, by two or three litters of kittens a year.

Stray cats who have lost their home need to be rescued and trapped, neutered and returned to their territory - or found new territory. Not imprisoned in a home.

So please, human cat lovers, do it properly. Get in touch with your local cat shelter, like Cats Protection in the UK, and ask their advice how to proceed.

I identify as a cat.

I am a cat who identifies as a cat.

Humans are making a lot of fuss about their human kittens who may be beginning to identify as cats. No, they are not growing fur or a tail. So far no school is offering them human-sized litter trays. 

Perhaps they are playing at being cats. I know my human Celia did this when she was a child. And why not?

I take this trend as a complement to the feline species. These humans recognise our superiority and want a part of it. It is called the Furries movement in the USA.

When I first heard about it, I found it difficult to get my head around. But now I think it is rather touching that some humans want to dress up as being a cat.

Poor things, they can't grow fur, except in the wrong places. They have to wear furry costumes, false ears and attach tails to their backsides. They have none of the sheer beauty, grace and dignity of a cat. But they aspire to be in their minds, what they cannot be in their bodies.

I am pleased to be so up to date with this touching human trend. Purrhaps they will begin to understand us better.

• This book might help them in their new feline life.