Follow by Email

Sunday, May 01, 2011

A hat for the royal wedding!

Dear George,
Watch! Stillness! Watch more! Get a little bit closer! ACTION!!! No, no way with my female human clapping her hands and shouting “fly bird, fly! WHAT? Is this for real?
I can’t believe her! Is she insane? Am I clapping my paws shouting “fly turkey, fly” when she cooks that big bird? No! I’m waiting in silence until it is nicely roasted and then claim my portion! George, why are humans so insensitive? I was so focused, “intensively” watching a little bird (as you can see in my photo) not even with the intention of killing it. All I wanted was a few feathers to ornate my hat for the Royal Wedding! I am CAT Victoria after all, right? Now, the bird is gone and so is my royal attire! I have to miss the wedding and watch it on TV! Phew!
George, any ideas how I can train my humans to not interfere with my activities? I even heard her saying something about a little bell around my neck? What? Does she think I’m a rattlesnake? I want revenge! She should be punished, don’t you think so?
CAT Victoria

Dear CAT,
I took little interest in the Royal Wedding, except to lie on my back for a bit so that Celia could stroke me while watching. The idea of bagging a pheasant (plenty outside) in order to snatch one of its tail feathers hadn't occurred to me. Nice idea. Nice try. As always, our best intentions are frustrated by our humans.
Sneakiness is essential, in order to have a satisfactory life with this rather dumb pet. Like you said, sit quietly waiting for the turkey to roast before claiming a portion. I do a special upward imploring look at my human, in order to get titbits. I almost look like a dog - soulful, deferential, pleading. In fact I am silently muttering "You silly human. Give. Give. Give. Idiot."
However sometimes guile, deviousness and dishonesty get what we want.
Bells round the neck I hate. For one thing collars on cats always are somewhat dangerous. My favourite charity Cats Protection every now and again will pick up a stray cat that has got its paw caught in its collar. My human says she has never come across a really safe collar. And (though I hate them) flea spot-ons from a vet are far more effective than old fashioned collars that have potentially dangerous chemicals.
Should you punish your human? I use punishment, as I use deviousness, guile, sneakiness and downright cheating, to get what I want. Scratching? Yes. Biting? Yes. But only in circumstances where it will work.
See if you can't just outwit her with your grace and charm.
Love George


  1. Fluffy and CayenneMay 01, 2011

    CAT Victoria, revenge in any form...YES! Little bell around the neck....NO!
    Why is she so concerned about the little bird's well being when she EATS big birds?
    We tried at some point to train our humans to catch mice, but they were completely helpless! He was restless and she was giggling! Guess humans don't understand "stillness" and "concentration". Too bad you had to miss the wedding because of few feathers. We looked at few photos yesterday and yes, there were quite few interesting hats :-)
    Fluffy & Cayenne

  2. Oh my dear, such a pity! To miss on such event because of a silly misunderstanding! I'm sure your Mom loves you very much and she would let you have that feather if she only knew what you were up to. May be you should consider an intensive training in cat language.

  3. SebastianMay 01, 2011

    CAT, too bad you didn't go! PM's wife didn't wear a hat and she attended the wedding. Grow up kid! We live in modern times (too modern for my age)

  4. Your Highness CAT time you want a feather or fresh meal....go in to a ravine. Don't hunt too close to home; humans have strange ideas; better to avoid them. Plus, with a full stomach (that fresh meal in the ravine) it is easier to "play" them refusing their food offerings :-)

  5. Sir WinstonMay 01, 2011

    Dear CAT Victoria, I can tell that you are a very well behaved young royal! Of course proper attire is important! Good for you! I'm impressed.
    Sir Winston

  6. Right, why are people clapping hands if they are not dancing or singing?

  7. Unfortunately, collars are a county ordinance for cats with rabies tags to be worn all the time. My two fur babies only had to wear them when they went outside and they were expandable. They often lost them, but I had an unlimited supply of collars so they would be "legal" when making their daily rounds. I was kind enough to remove the bells from the collars. They always found birds away from home, but often came in with evidence that gave them away, like feathers around their mouth and on their paws. I could never complain because they also kept away other undesirable creatures like chipmunks and snakes and rabbits out of our vegetable garden.

  8. FredericoMay 05, 2011

    Ignore humans; they will never leave you alone! They think they know what you want or think! CAT, just jump and catch the bird; get your feathers and let it go!

  9. Did you think about picking the ultimate Bitcoin exchange service - YoBit.


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online