Design for modern feline living - and tease your human!

Dear George,

Since last time we wrote you ….we continued to search for ideas to improve a cat’s life In the meantime…. that’s right, we grew up a little bit.

Our nail covers are okay, don’t bother us. We change them every four months but more we scratch, as you can see in the photo, sooner we need to change them.

Anyway, our idea of training human pets includes the task to make them build “cat friendly” interiors. Having architects as human pets is helpful!

George, check this website: www.moderncat.net to find cat toys, furniture, cat friendly homes ideas and much more! Great ideas! What do you think?

Hugs

Yuppie & Anji

Dear Yuppie and Anji,

What a nice website for cat stuff. Get that human to open up his wallet or her purse and flash the card. Then you can do a typical cat tease. The humans have spent the money. The expensive new cat bed has arrived. Walk over to it. Sniff it and then turn away with a superior look on your face. Utterly refuse to use it - until the day you hear them discussing giving it away. Immediately jump into or on the "new" bed and start purring with self satisfaction. It's really fun to see their faces.

Do we want expensive items? Well humans like buying them for us but as far as I am concerned, cardboard boxes will do a lot. A box can be cut into a bed shape with an open top or into a hidey hole, with an entrance and a window to look out. The latter is good for frightened cats and cat shelters in the US use them.

Get your human to make a cardboard box into a tunnel and whiz through it. There's a great Youtube of Maru a Japanese cat disappearing into boxes on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urizHysauG0 Help them cover the litter tray by using a box. Or make them adapt a small one into a food dispenser, buy making a large hole so that we can hook out the food. Yes, if they get the hole the wrong size, our heads will get stuck. I got my head stuck when Celia got it wrong - luckily she was there to help me get it out.

Here are a few photos of things to do with boxes and I welcome other ideas from cats.

Love George

Lucky - I was saved from the streets

Dear George,

I’m Lucky - the cat! I’m a little tiny kitten that only a month ago was homeless and full of any parasite possible! I was abandoned on the streets of one small town in Europe.

Since I was “saved” by my mom I learned a lot!

First, I learn to read your blog for useful information and see what other cats do

Second, I learn that my mom lost not long ago her beloved cat for over 20 years and was heartbroken and not ready for another cat yet!

Third, I learn that with sincere purrs and ….hope …any of us, abandoned cats, have a chance! Look at my pictures and tell me if I’m not lucky!

Love & hugs to all cats

Lucky

Dear Lucky,

I was lucky too. I was born to a feral cat but Cats Protection rescued me and brought me to be a pet. That way I could fit into the home life of a different species, Homo sapiens (so called). Which is how I adopted Celia. The life of a feral cat is nasty, brutish and short - most kittens don't survive even to reproduce. Compared with that, life with humans is a cushy number even if humans are only dumb animals (can't mew, can't purr and don't know how to do body language).

Remember you are the one doing your human the favour. You have condescended to live with her. She may have rescued you but you can overdo the gratitude. You are giving her all the pleasures of living with you - the sight of your grace and beauty, the softness of your fur (poor soul, she's only got a pathetic substitute for fur which is clothes), and the inestimable pleasure of your purring (she just can't). She's the one who should be grateful.

Yes, there are good and loving humans. Some of us feel that humans are our best friends. We can talk to them about anything and they can'ttalk back - just meaningless vocalisations. They like having a superior species in the household and they enjoyknowing their place, well below the alpha cat.

So love her but remember CATS RULE.

Love

George

Unhappy Persian seeks handsome lover

Dear George
Well, what a story I have to tell you! I've been terribly mis-treated. My name is Tia, and I am a very unhappy Persian! I'm still beautiful though. I hope tortie colourpoints are your favourite.
Anyway, on to my mistreatment. As I say, I'm a Persian. My human has decided that I should have kittens. She calls herself a breeder, whatever that is. Last week, I was doing my usual thing, you know the thing where we shout a lot because you boys won't pay us enough attention, then go to the human pets and rub against them until they scratch us, then roll about on the floor. Well, I was really enjoying myself! There was a nice boy down in the car park, but She wouldn't let me go to him. I told her what I thought in no uncertain terms, but she just told me to stop making that noise, that she wanted some sleep.
Anyway, the next day, I did the same thing again, and you know what my human did? She put me in my carrier, which I like, by the way, because it means I get to show everyone how beautiful I am when She takes me places, took me on a train and then a very noisy tram, and left me at a house where there was a boy cat! Well, he was very handsome, but George, there was only one thing on his mind, and he wasn't taking no
for an answer! He was nice about it though. He'd sneak up on me rather than pouncing. We even shared a litter tray, and some food! Now all we need is the wine. I don't know what that is, but the human always jokes about that when she goes somewhere with a boy.
He thought this gentlemanly treatment entitled him to certain privilages, but being an upper class lady as I am, I promptly turned around, hissed at him and sent him packing. George, I'm ashamed to admit it, but despite my good breeding and usually flawless manners, I even swore at him! He kept this up for the next few days, and my reactions were the same.
So my question is this. How on earth do I make my human realise that I choose the man and not her! I know she wants certain types of kittens, but honestly, the indignity of it! I'm quite cross with her.
Please help! I need training tips as mine aren't working any more. By the way, you do look rather handsome. Have you ever thought of becoming a daddy? I wouldn't swear at you at all.
Tia
Comments on mating tactics and general cheering up are welcome on my blog which is cuddlesandcatnip.blogspot.com

Dear Tia,
Alas, I cannot become a daddy. They've given me the snip. All part of the way humans control our sex lives, Hypocrites. They don't control their own. They think it is all right to have sex in and out of season - unlike us cats who wait for the right season. It's quite disgusting. and then they deny sex altogether for most of us. Why do we put up with them?
Humans claim that once a female cat is on heat, she is anybody's. And it is true that 80% of cat litters in towns produce kittens with more than one father. But that's not because we are anybody's. A peeping tom scientist in Italy who observed our matings said that half of us female cats just accepted any tom cat and assumed from that we did not make a choice. She ignored the females who did refuse some of the toms and she ignored the fact that half the females fancied all of the toms! Why not? That's a choice. We mate with more than one tom cat because it's the most efficient way to make sure that we get a good variety of kittens and maximise passing on our genes.
So get out there, Tia. If you fancy that tom in the car park, start trying to escape. Be very surreptitious about this. Don't let your human pet know what you have in mind. Best time to slip out will probably be when she comes home from work or with the shopping. She will be fiddling with the door key and as soon as the door opens, leg it.... Best of luck.
George.
PS. Posting a bit shorter than usual because my secretary has a painful finger bound up due to snapping the tendons of it. She'll be like this of 6 weeks or more.
PPS. Good comment by Wicky Wuudler below.

Does my tum look big on this floor? STS - the truth.

Dear George,
My name is Tom-Tom and I live in a lovely flat in Paris. I am very, very affectionate and always welcome everyone who comes to visit me. I stay with my friend, Mimi when my mum goes away and we generally get on very well but she won't let me share her croquettes because she says I am too fat. You can see she is warning me off in this picture which I feel is a bit mean. Do you think she should let me share her food?
Love,
Paris-Tom-Tom.

Dear Tom-Tom,
We cats call this STS, or Saggy Tummy Syndrome. It is an increasingly common side effect of natural human adoration. In an attempt to please us, our devotees cannot say no. They will go to any lengths to do what we want. It is gratifying. Very gratifying and, of course, natural.
Your delightful photo shows the results - the little (well not so little) pink love handles at the back of the body, the absence of "waist" or the area after the rib cage which should curve inwards up to the inner thigh). The extra weight is not evenly distributed (our humans know about that!) so the head and the paws and the tail all look unduly slim in comparison. And the bigger the belly, the less we want to move around - all that weight makes exercise hard work.
No croquettes. No. Not a single crumb of them.
Of course, I blame your human. (We cats always do). She is your enabler. But it is up to you to initiate change. Send her off to the vet (sorry, Tom-Tom) for a weigh-in and a large packet of prescription food. Don't let her forget the dispenser, usually a transparent cup with measurements on it. You might even purrsuade her to buy some baby scales. These are good at weighing cats. I am adding photo of Pushkin on his scales. You will find that if she places a little food on the scales, you will find it worth your while to sit on them.
Frankly, Tom-tom you need more exercise and it is your human's responsibility to help you get it. She must start making your appartement life more interesting by hiding your food so you have to run round the place to find it. There are also food dispensing balls she could make or make her own from an old loo roll and sticky paper. And she can just throw food for you. No more just putting it in a bowl. It might also be worth your while to learn some tricks.
I heard from Fatty Pushkin the other day (his letter was in January). He is in his new home - still slimming down, still doing his interesting tricks of jumping over human legs and sitting up to do a high five. And his new pet human is taking him for walks on a lead. He is still FIV positive so cannot live at large. Take encouragement from him, Tom-Tom and start the slimming programme.
Love
George

My nose is running and I am sneezing - is it a summer cold?

Dear George,
Can cats catch colds in the summertime? For the last two years I have developed some kind of strange "cold" symptoms in July. My Mom takes me to the vet and each time he gives my antibiotics. I hate going to the vet and I hate taking antibiotics.
Last year I had fever for about two days and my nose was running and I was sneezing a lot. This year it was just a runny nose. And in about a week or so everything was back to normal.
The only good thing about being sick is that I get pampered even more than usual (as you can see form my photo). But, if it was a cold, wouldn'tmy brother get sick too? Could it be allergies instead of a cold?
I usually go hunting in a ravine behind our house where my brother doesn't go. What do you think?
Love Minnie.

Dear Minnie,
I am not a feline veterinary expert but I have done some research for you on your symptoms. Without looking at your veterinary notes, I can only guess that your vet is treating you for an outbreak of cat flu, by giving you antibiotics to ward off secondary bacterial infections. These can be serious for cats who get cat flu. Take a look at www.fabcats.org for full details. This is generally labelled upper respiratory disease.
Regular vaccinations, which I assume you have had, should protect against the two kinds of 'flu, feline herpesvirus and feline parvovirus, but (like human flu vaccinations) cats can still get a milder form of the disease. Symptoms include sneezing and runny nose. Sometimes, cats have had 'flu in the past. Breeders may not reveal the fact they have had this disease and shelters may take in diseased kittens who then recover. The cats have apparently recovered. However, they are symptomless carriers but the symptoms may recurr if they are under stress. Tests for this are available.
However, cats can suffer allergies and the most common ones are flea allergies and food intolerance, which show themselves in an itchy skin. There is also something called feline allergic airway disease - these symptoms are coughing, wheezing and breathing difficulties. The only way this can be diagnosed is by eliminating the possibility of other disease, including cat 'flu. More tests, I am afraid. This is often labelled lower respiratory disease.
As well as the www.fabcats.org details, there is even more on this written by an expert on this, a vet called Danielle Gunn-Moore. You can find three long articles by her on a feline asthma website - www.felineasthma.org They need careful reading. The fact that your brother doesn't catch the symptoms from you suggests an allergy is at least a possibility. Maybe you are coming across something in the ravine which gives you an allergic reaction - but you can't assume this safely without the tests. This website will take you through the process.
All this is a rather bad news for you, Minnie. It all seems to involve much more contact with the vet and we cats hate all vets, even those like Danielle who love us. I always bite the vet, when I can get in a quick nip - just to make the point that what is going on is an assault on my personal freedom! Incidentally, there's a lot of controversy on how often we should be vaccinated - the UK and USA differ on this. What is important is that if your owner opts for less frequent vaccinations she should make sure she gets the right brand of vaccination - I am not sure if the three-year type is available in the UK.
Yours gloomily when I think of vets,
George.
PS. Do I detect a certain embonpoint around the tummy? Next week I will be discussing STS, or Saggy Tummy Syndrome in both humans and cats.

Rabbit and cat - is the rabbit safe?

Dear George,
My name is Tutu and I am a lop-eared human - no, sorry, a lop-eared house bunny! My stable mate is Frederico the Cat. You may have met him already. I am 10 years old and he is a young whipper-snapper.
My humans seem to be very fond of him but he is a little b.....! I wish I could train him but he won't listen to me or obey anybody. Look at him in the photo. He thinks he's some great movie director!
What can I do? Can I trade him in? What do you think?
Hugs
Tutu


Dear Tutu
You have a bit of a problem.... Or you might have. Kittens brought up with house rabbits probably think of them as family and are probably going to be safe with them. Probably. That's the rub.
My attitude to rabbits, the natural cattitude, is to stalk, pounce, grab and eat them. In that order. It is literally hard wired into my brain. There's a neuroscientist, Jaak Panksepp, who has revealed that when you stimulate the seek-and-reward area of the brain, rats sniff and forage around, cats stalk and pounce. It's just the most enjoyable thing in life for felines. It is what a cat does.
So, your human shouldn't leave you alone with Frederico - just in case. (Any more than a large dog should be left alone with a baby or a toddler). Yes, it is probably safe almost all the time. But again it's that probably and almost. If you suddenly scuttled away extra fast, seeing you running might set off Frederico's chase instinct.
I don't think you should trade him in. As long as your human is sensible and doesn't let you play unsupervised, you will be safe. She should make sure that you are always in your crate or den when she is out of the house. Of course, if you were a giant rabbit, you could probaby chase and harass Frederico. But a French lop, which I think you are, just isn't big enough to turn the tables.
Cats and house rabbits can live together but only if the humans never forget that the cat is the predator and the rabbit is its prey.
Love (and I would love you in a gastronomic kind of way)
George

The latest New York hairstyle - should cats shave?

Dear George,
Your blog is getting better that any fashion magazine. Better then "In Style" or "Vogue"! I like to think of myself as a fashionista ....always interested in the last fashion trend!
Blue hues, hats, nail covers, etc. Really impressive! How about hairstyle?
But..let me introduce myself! My name is Bondocella and I live in New York! And ...look at my picture....THAT'S hot & trendy in NY!
What do you think? I personally would love to be a little more of a "shaggy cat" but my human thinks that this is cool (or hot...whatever). What do you think? What is trendy in UK?
Bondocella

Dear Bondocella,
Your photograph without the fur took me by surprise. You look pretty good to me, Bondocella. I like the way that the beautiful fur round your face emerges from the shaved body - very very hot. Or rather, as we used to say, cool. Your human has been really thoughtful in making sure you don't suffer from heat stroke.
In the UK, where it is cold and wet most of the time, the only cats that need shaving are those who have neglected matted fur. So cats don't shave in this part of the world. Only humans shave. (You can see why. Their facial hair is so bristly and odd - neither proper whiskers nor proper fur.)
However, I do acknowledge that some cats need to shave, particularly if they are living in hot climates and have too much fur. Is it possible to have too much fur? I fear that in hot climates it is. Long fur, of the kind humans cannot grow for themselves, is extremely helpful for cats living in cold climates, but difficult for cats in hot places.
Once again, the fault lies with humans. If they had left our species alone, we would all have naturally adapted to whatever climate we live in. My ancestors in England might have grown slightly longer hair, while cats in Finland would be very furry indeed. New Yorks cats would be sleek and short haired.
Humans have stopped us breeding naturally and have invented all kinds of breeding programmes that result in long fur, snubby faces, weird coloured fur, strange ears, and even stumpy legs. Frankly, it is not right. Some of us now suffer serious health difficulties because of a limited gene pool.
It is moments like this that make me feel it was a mistake to domesticate humans. That we have domesticated monsters who now have too much influence in our lives. I mean, it isn't as if they have good pedigrees, is it? Celia is just a mongrel. There's no class there. So why should cats have to have pedigrees? I am happy to say that I don't. I wouldn't like to have so much hair that Celia had to shave me. On the other hand, I might look rather cool like you if she did.
Love
George.
PS. It's important not to let shaved or hairless animals to spend too much time in direct sunlight, according to a vet that works in Spain. They can be sunburned very easily.

Hats, cats, and bunnies - does my bun look good in this?

Dear George,
It's not just cats that can wear hats you know, whatever Harry Spotter may think (see a posting two weeks ago). With the help of my carer's husband, Mike, I have been trying to decide if a bowler (like Harry Spotter's) or a para red beret would suit me best. What do you think? Do I look really amazing in these? Or do I look sort of odd? Janet, my chief carer, finds it difficult to decide. I wonder, are the humans making fun of me with these images?
Yours Cautiously (in view of your past record with rabbits)
Harve. (http://harvey-diaryofaninspirationalbunny.blogspot.com)

Dear Harve,
I think that the bowler suits you best, as you are a rather British kind of rabbit, stiff upper lip, liking your daily routine, generally anxious to make sure your humans keep to the correct kind of behaviours at all times. Janet and Mike are almost like your butler and parlourmaid, to my mind. You accept their care with a very correct kind of upper class acceptance.
The red beret, on the other hand, is military verging on the savage. Better for tough cats like me, who are quite prepared to go in there and slaughter whatever wildlife we can. We go for the kill. Rabbits like you just don't do the carnivorous thing at all. So to my mind, it's a bowler for a bunny.
More on fashion for cats next week. I hear you are on Facebook....
My only anxiety is that humans will get above themselves and (instead of using Photoshop) start dressing up cats. We cats have dignity and style without any nonsense about wearing clothes like pathetic humans.
Love (oh yes, I love bunnies)
George
PS. Celia has signed the petition on my behalf against poisoning feral cats in Australia.

Scraaaatttching......Are nail coverings safe?

Dear George,

Here we are - Yuppie & Anji – two cute brothers! We are almost 1 year old and share a house in Atlanta with a funny human pet!

We found your blog as being very informative, especially on human training.

Too bad we can’t spend too much time in front of a computer as we get easily exhausted.

Our human pet refuses to act as our secretary! What can we do? How can we train her? We also go for fancy things like…. acrylic nails covers! See, we are at that critical age when we scratch everything and feel the urge to shred everything to pieces.

We think this is fun but our human disagree…so we compromise.

Are these nail covers a good thing? Definitely they are better then declawing, but are they safe? George, we really need some advice and especially…. tips on human training!

You are the expert!

Waiting

Yuppie & Anji.

Dear Yuppie and Anji,

We have to scratch. We scratch to condition our claws, but we also scratch to leave messages - to our selves, and to any cats who happen to be passing by. It's an emotional thing. Scratching marks our territories not just visually but also with scent - which only we can read. We scratch when we are stressed and we want to feel better.

We British cats don't understand how Americans can possibly declaw their cats. In the UK it is a banned operation and any vet who did it would be in trouble with our cruelty laws. We don't much use nail caps here in the UK either - probably because most of us cats have access to outdoors and can scratch the local tree trunks. I think nail covers are safe, but they are a bit of a bore for both cats and humans. However, they are much much kinder than declawing.

Go for the natural kind solution. Instruct your human that you need a proper stable scratching post in every room where you might want to scratch, not just in one room. It must be large enough to allow us to stretch while we scratch. Don't let her get rid of an old scratching post. The tattier and smellier a scratching post gets, the more we cats like it. There is a depth of scent which a mere human will never understand. (Humans have pathetic claws, really pathetic!).

Some of us cats prefer horizontal scratching posts, or slightly angled ones. The surface has to be just right for us. People studying feral cats have noticed that they scratch along the walkways of their territory - but only on certain trees, not on others. Some trees just don't have the right physical surface. Incidentally, some of us enjoy scratching those roughly textured plant containers bought at garden centres (weighted down by a bag of sand in the middle). Some enjoy a tree trunk placed indoors. Others like cardboard scratching pads. Get that human of yours to offer you several kinds of scratching materials and see which you prefer.

Personally I enjoy the creative side of scratching armchairs, wallpaper and the side of the bed (so useful for waking your human up when it is time for an early hours snack). Here is a photo of me in artistic action. But Celia has fought back in a way I consider thoroughly philistine. She buys double sided carpet tape (or Stickypaws) and places this on the side of the bed or on the furniture. It feels really awful and I stop scratching on the site for at least a month, sometimes three months at a time. I had plans to redecorate the whole house with frilled curtains, frilled soft furnishing and really nice catseye-level frilled wallpaper - and she put a stop to it.

Humans.... they don't get it do they? What a selfish species.

Love

George

There's a big Facebook group Claws 4 Paws. Join it to show you are against declawing.

Where is my Bowler? Male fashion for cats.

Dear George,
As you know, Fiona is my sphynx sister and Sweet Pea is my two legged siser who is 5 years old. They find great delight in chasing me around the house trying to abscound with my Bowler. My Bowler is a very important part of who I am, without it I feel I am not the proper British Mancat who is well Suited and Booted. I feel I cannot show my face or spots without it. Ever since it has gone missing my chin has been down to the ground. What will I do without it I ask myself? Buying another Bowler to replace the one they lost will not do. That Bowler has special meaning to me, it was/is my very first British Bowler, it fits just right. Oh...what will I do? Can you help?
Sincerely
Harry Spotter, at http://spotandfiona.blogspot.com/
PS. I have three large blue spots, blue toupee markings and a blue tail.

Dear Harry,
Are you sure you want a Bowler? What about a Topper? Or a Yorkshire flat 'at? Finding the right size hat for a British (or any other nationality) cat is not going to be easy. Maybe you should have Ratcatcher riding gear (so called among the human hunting set, see http://www.iwfoxhounds.com/hunting_clothes.php ) to go with it - buff or yellow breeches with a tweed riding jacket? Ratcatcher used to be for cub hunting but now has caught on during the proper season. I like to think that humans have taken advice from ratting cats and are wearing as near as the poor souls can get to tabby or dark tortoiseshell fur.
My owner, Oh no, my secretary*, Celia, bought me a Father Christmas hat (see photo left) by buying a Father Christmas soft toy and then detaching the hat. She then gave the doll (which was bald beneath the hat) to a rather puzzled human kitten.
I personally did not appreciate that hat, as you can see from my expression. I felt it was demeaning for me to be dressed like any human being, the inferior species, and worse stlll one that went down chimneys and vocalised "Ho, ho, ho!" (A meaningless bit of human vocalisation but mind you, most of it is, anyway.). I do not wish to go up and down chimneys though I quite like terrifying my humans by getting on the roof.
Your spots bring to mind another thing. Why on earth are there so few cats in the Harry Potter books? Mrs Norris, the cat belonging to Filch the caretaker, is a bad 'un and only Hermione Granger seems to have a proper witches' cat, Crookshanks. Crookshanks is ginger and long haired. Why is there no Grimalkin, the traditional witch's black cat, I ask. We black cats need an PR image consultant.
Sincerely (not love because we are being British)
George
*How could I have made such a mistake. Humans owning cats is just laughable. Everybody knows cats own humans.

At cat is better than a man.... purrsuasions.

Dear George,
I am concerned about my human, Denise. For a week or so she has been off-hand and uncaring towards me. She arrives home late after work, often smelling of alcohol. Last week there were two occasions when she failed to come home until the early hours of the morning. She smelled of male human - you know, that pungent male smell so different from the pleasant female smell. She greets me as if I was no longer the centre of her life. She does her household duties of cleaning the litter tray and putting out more food in a hurried and careless manner. She spends a lot of time vocalising in to the phone in a meaningless way and far less time vocalising to me.
How can I put right our relationship?
Hobbit.
Dear Hobbit,
In normal circumstances most human females know that a cat is better than a man - more graceful, more agile, taking up less space in the bed, and much much cleaner.
But I am afraid your human is showing signs of being on heat. In humans this isn't the monthly physical reaction that we cats understand, know and tolerate. (How much easier it would be if we could just spay them!) It is an emotional thing. Humans, unlike cats, are eager to mate throughout the year. They have no proper seasons. Instead of coming on call (the correct term), hastening off to the nearest group of males, and having a night on the tiles with several of them and getting it all over quickly, humans have a much more drawn out mating ritual.
The likelihood is that Denise has met some male that she fancies. The return in the early hours of the morning means she has spent the night with him. At least she has the good sense to come home, shower, dress and do her household cat duties before leaving again for work. And at least she hasn't given him a home.
What can you do about it? You need to counteract this with a mixture of guile and firmness. Treble your normal greeting rituals. Greet her with loud and pathetic meows. Rub all over her. Crawl all over her. Roll on your back. Generally give the impression of a cat who has suffered intense loneliness in her absence. (Yes, I realise you have probably had a nice day visiting the neighbouring pensioner who feeds you on the sly but she does not need to know this.). Leave some of your food uneaten. Give an unending number of sad looks towards her. You know the score.....
It is a worrying time for you. I will keep my paws crossed for a happy outcome.
Love George.

Cars and roads and cats - I don't get it

Hi George,
I'm Fred and I live with Ginger (who is ginger) and with Ben who is black and doesn't like us younger cats very much. My hunting ground is across the road from where I live, and where the cars are parked. I find the cars handy for hiding under when strangers pass by. So I pop back and forward across the road most days and most nights.
Why does my human worry about this? I know there is traffic. I kind of don't bother about cars. What are they? Nothing much to me. What is this human anxiety about, George? I don't get it.
Love
Fred
Dear Fred,
You right, you don't get it. Neither do I. These metal objects that hurtle down the roads are very mysterious. Most of the time during the day, you and I can manage to avoid them. The speed they do, however, is very confusing. I mean, nothing in nature hurtles along at 50 miles an hour. We cats were designed to avoid big predators like wolves or lions. We are not designed by nature to cope with metal boxes like cars.
At night we don't even have the right kind of eyes for it. Car headlights dazzle us. We can't judge how fast the car is coming at us. We can't see it properly. So most of us just make a run for it. Which is what worries our human pets. They fear we may get killed (as lots of cats do). Of course, if we had them properly under control, we would just ban all cars. But even that might threaten our catfood supplies.
It's tricky. I love hunting at night. I love the moonlit stalk. The pounce in the shadows. Yet crossing the road is a horrible danger. Make your human keep you in at night.
Love George
PS. Posts may be a bit erratic. My secretary's partner is in hospital, so she is spending a lot of time with him instead of doing her duties.

Birthday news from Victoria

Dear George,

It’s me CAT! And….I’m back with good news...

My humans were so surprised by my letter (May 7) I wrote that they ponder all weekend upon the time (and the way) I showed up in their garden.

It seems that I descended from the blue sky on a cosmic ray…. on Victoria’s Day! So, they decided to call me Victoria…as the Queen (no less). I think it’s quite appropriate since I’m convinced of my royal origin.

They were talking about celebrating my birthday on Victoria’s Day from now on. (it doesn’t really matter when one is actually born, right?).

They start decorating the garden and make guest lists and menus! I enjoy watching them from my secret tree (as you can see in this picture). I’m very happy – I’ll have a “chicken pate” cake and many treats.

The garden will be decorated with bells and ribbons that I can play with (see picture). We won’t have any fireworks since I don’t want to scare the other cats but everything else will be fit for royalty! Just wanted to share the news with you.

And. Of course, wishing that all cats out there find their purrfect house & pets!

Very excited,

CAT Victoria

Dear Victoria,

A lovely name for a lovely cat. Welcome to the world of Named Animals. It's one of the ways we know that a cat is a human-owner and has a domesticated human pet. The naming of cats is a serious matter, wrote the poet T. S. Eliot, and if the copyright charges weren't so high I would give you a verse or two! According to him, you have a secret name all of your own which I won't ask for in a blog that is read by humans. And you probably have a name for your humans too.

I call my humans by their human names of Celia and Ronnie in this blog. But I have a secret name for each which (because I am anxious to spare their feelings) I won't put down here. Tempted to do so at the moment, due to Celia's lack of attention to her secretarial duties. Luckily she has finally finished her exams and is now full of human-centered knowledge about cats.

While she has been studying, so have I. Your humans' reactions to your arrival, Victoria, are of interest to us feline anthropologists. Naming ceremonies and birthdays are part of what we call their species-specific behaviour (stuff humans do that only humans do). Interesting rituals to which there might seem little point, except that they strengthen their attachment to us. And, more importantly, as you point out, result in extra food.

Humans are programmed to offer caretaking to human kittens, and we cats have slipped into this system. By careful manipulation of our behaviour - winsome looks, miaows, furry contact by rubbing, delightful play behaviour, -- we get them to feed us and care for us. It's like cuckoos in the nest. We are a supernormal stimulus to them - ie. we are more attractive than human babies. (Obviously. Furrier and we don't leak at both ends). So they "adopt" us not realising we are domesticating them.

So sweet really. They may not realise but they are adopting us as surrogate babies. We have purrsuaded them of this. We are adopting them. And now it's just a question of enjoying their care - regular meals, nice houses. Simple. Dumb humans, clever cats.....

Love George

Teach your humans about cats and cancer

Dear George,
You may notice that there is something wrong with my ears.... it was skin cancer. I came into the care of Downham Market Cats Protection because my owners couldn't afford the treatment and the vets bills. Luckily Cats Protection could and did. So I am now cancer free.
We need keeping indoors when there is a great deal of sun. My owners didn't know this, though my new owners do now. It's particularly important in the middle of the day when the sun is at its height.
Please can you warn other cats so that they can wise up their humans and help protect us.
Love George, your white namesake.

Dear George,
Cats with white faces are very sensitive to sunburn on the non-furry bits - ear tips, eye rims, and nose. Sometimes they suffer from solar dermatitis which is the pre cancerous condition. This may then turn to cancer.
How can humans recognise it? The flesh looks as if it is being eaten away. The ear tips shrink. The area may be crusty and scabby. The tumour is not a lump but more like a red crater with a rim round it.
Some people put sun lotion on their cats but nobody knows if it works. And besides, we normally lick it off. So it is best to make us take a siesta inside the house. We can sun ourselves on the window sill as the sunlight is safe if it has passed through glass.
We cats also need to purrsuade our humans to stop smoking. Scientists have looked at cats with squamous cell cancer and discovered that they are more likely to have been exposed to tobacco smoke. The reference, for anybody who doesn't believe this, is at the bottom of my letter. Save your cat's life: give up smoking. I feel strongly about this as my late companion William died of oral cancer and had spent some years exposed to Ronnie's tobacco smoke. Perhaps he would have lived longer without it.
We should all support The Animal Cancer Trust which was set up in the UK to tell humans more about cancer in all sorts of animals including cats. For a special article on cats and cancer go to the Feline Advisory Bureau website.
Stay well.
Love George
PS. Ref is: Snyder et al., (2004), 'Expression and Environmental Tobacco Smoke Exposure in Feline Oral Squamous Cell Carcinoma', Veterinary Pathology, 41, 209-214

Is coffee addictive for cats? Is it safe?

Dear George,
Last time I wrote you (if you recall) my female human tried to match her hair color to my eyes color. It didn’t work very well since she …naturally has blue eyes and having her hair in shades of blue…it wasn’t the best choice. So, this time she did her hair to match my …..hair! Aha! That’s right; her hair is beige with darker/brownish points! She really impressed me! To show my appreciation I start keeping her company while she was having her morning coffee!
Soon enough I was very much interested in WHAT was in her cup and she let me inspect! That’s how we started sharing a cup of coffee in the morning as you can see in the picture! I start drinking her coffee and I can tell she was worried but…I LOVE COFFEE! George, coffee has the same effect on me as catnip has on other cats – see the second picture! The other day I knocked-off the coffee maker trying to get to some coffee. George, I CAN KILL for an ESPRESSO! Do you think I’m coffee addict?
Is this serious? Should I check in a rehab? What do you think? Should I stop?
Tom


Dear Tom
Please retrain your owner! Coffee isn't good for cats. The caffeine in it can make them hyperactive. A very useful article on dangers to cats from human food is available from Sarah Hartwell, an expert veterinarian, on http://www.messybeast.com/bad-foods.htm There's another article about home poisons (without mentioning coffee) on www.fabcats.org
We cats are attracted to milk but even on its own that isn't good for many of us. We get diarrhoea from it. Pusskin, the fat cat who wrote in earlier this year, had a really dirty bottom due not just being too fat to reach it but, we think, probably from being given milk. Milk and fish diets were only given to cats because in the nineteenth century they were cheap. A diet of either on its own is not good for cats. But a century ago most cats went out mousing and supplemented the food given by humans anyway.
We cats are obligate carnivores, meaning that our whole digestive system is geared towards not meat, but the flesh, bone, skin and gut contents in the full carcases of mice, rats, small birds and a few insects such as locusts. (Not many of those here in Oxfordshire, alas, even in a good summer. Just a few tiny grasshoppers. I rather fancy trying the crunch of a locust - like pork crackling without the salt.) Unlike dogs, who are designed to be scavengers and eat decaying meat, or humans who are omnibores designed for meat and veg, we cats are designed for whole mice/birds only. We lack one of the liver enzymes which helps dogs and humans cope with getting rid of difficult substances from the body. We can be poisoned by aspirin, for instance, or other drugs that are safe for humans.
Recreational drugs? Yes, do catnip. Cats enjoy it and (with more sense than humans) are moderate users who know when to stop. So do catnip all you like. But don't do coffee. And stop your human enabling you by offfering it.
Tell her to buy some nice cat milk, specially formulated without the ingredient which causes tummy upsets, and give you some of that at breakfast. Of course, it's nice for humans to share breakfast with a cat. Humans have some sort of need to share, a need that we cats don't have. If she wants to share, she can drink some of the cat milk. Why not?
Love George.
PS. Tell her with purrs rather than claws. Any owner who dyes her hair to match her cat is a gem. And thank her for allowing me to use this letter. It is so helpful to get the message out there.

Am I the cat from outer space?

Dear George,

I’m the cat from nowhere and my name is CAT!

I simply appeared one sunny day in some people’s garden. I have no memories of my life before this occasion. They think I was few months old when I showed up in this tree in their garden.

However, I must have excellent training skills since my new human pets really behave.

If, in the beginning they were somehow afraid of me and debating if they should adopt me (ha! they were lucky I adopted them) now, after few months, they don’t talk or care about anything else but me!

George, could I possible be an extra-terrestrial cat? Am I an alien?

CAT

Dear CAT,

We cats all have the ability to appear from nowhere. One moment we are not there. The next moment we are there. The right kind of humans marvel at this feline ability. We can disappear within seconds and none of them know where we went or how we did it. This just one of our everlasting mysteries.

Are we aliens? Not really. Unlike them, we are embedded in nature. We are at one with the fields and the gardens and the shrubs and the trees. We can survive without humans (unlike dogs that are completely dependant on them) on uninhabited islands. We don't need human trash or human food to thrive. We are part of the mysterious animal world, that lives in the balance between species and between prey and predator.

Human kind are the alien species. They fight each other to the death (very rare in nature and very rare indeed among adult cats). They exterminate species from the face of the earth - the big cats of the new world, mammoths, giant sloths, the dodo and the passenger pigeon. They killed them all. And they blame us cats for killing birds when they are slaughtering thousands not one at a time, by concreting over the habitat, draining marshes and cutting down forests.

We do our best to civilise humans by adopting them. We hope, if they learn to love a small carnivore like us, they may become more tender hearted to the rest of nature. We try to educate them into the world of balance. We show them how to do less, notice more, and stop rushing, hurrying, and becoming slaves to money and status.

Thank you for adopting your humans, CAT. If they are beginning to love you, then you are bringing out the best in them. This species needs to learn to love. And we can help teach them.

Love George.

Save a black kitten today.

Dear George,
I am a Cats Protection kitten with no name yet, though my mother is called Angel. She was picked up in the street heavily pregnant and gave birth to me and my four black brothers. I am writing to ask you why I have had an offer of a home, while none of my brothers have been so lucky. It seems so unfair. They have lovely blue eyes like me and are just as friendly, but somehow they don't seem to appeal. What can we do to stop colour prejudice among cat lovers?
Love
Kitten.
Adopt Angel and her black kittens at West Oxfordshire CP

Dear Kitten,
You are right. It is very unfair. We black cats in Britain are often the last to find homes because somehow people don't find us as appealing as the other colours. We also get thrown out on the street more - so that there are more black cats out there trying to survive. Moreover, we are the last to be taken in (apart from Cats Protection who take in all cats that need a home). So the number of stray black cats increases while the number of coloured ones decreases.
It's even worse in the USA where black cats are thought to be unlucky. At Halloween stray black cats are handed in to protect them from being burned alive by Satanists - only to be put down in their thousands in shelters. If your human is going to rescue a black cat, make sure that it is handed into a no-kill shelter. Otherwise it might as well take its chances in the street. At least that is a life of sorts.
Here in the UK they are thought to be lucky - though it doesn't help much. There's also a theory that black cats are wilder by nature, though I think it is just that they get less cuddles as kittens. The prettier ones are picked up more - which makes them tamer.
We can't do much on our own. This is a problem where we need to educate humans. They can be educated. It takes time to get through to this dumb species but it is possible. In the 1990s US shelters were euthanasing about 70% of the cats handed in - the same proportion that were being euthanased in the UK in the 1970's. Nowadays all but about 10 are rehomed in the UK. No-kill shelters have changed the situation. For once, we can help the Americans by setting a good example.
Save a black kitten today.
Love George
Help stop the sick movies that show animals being crushed by signing the petition - there is a link on www.theanimalrescuesite.com

How to dazzle a human being

Dear George,

My name is Marti and I think I’m a gorgeous cat! I LOVE glamour! I love to be pampered and cared for.

I love “fame & glory”. I love sleeping on my human’s chest!

Hope no one will find this weird.

I’m a rescue from a local shelter. I was rescued by my human along with other two cats but, I’m the only one loving glamour. I’m the only one loving caviar and a sniff of champagne! I love shaggy covers

But I don’t think my human understands this. The other day I tried to shred my cover (see picture) into a “fluffier” one. It was taken as a bad thing.

George, only you, as a human behavior specialist can tell me how can I razzle-dazzle my human?

In awe

Marti

Dear Marti,

Wow. Champagne, caviar, you really do do the luxury life. You surely razzle dazzle me - and you are the right colour too. We black cats should stick together. I am a cat who is into huntin', rattin', and rabbitin' (sorry Harve), and if it wasn't for that I would ask you to come over some time - snip, or not!
Shredding. We all do it. We all love it. Personally I think Celia's curtains look all the better for their frilly ends. This very day she lunched with a fashionista who was wearing a shawl full of shredded bits. Just like the effect that I put the bed valance so successfully, when I wake her up with a well timed morning scratch.
I have to admit that the business of beautifully shredded furniture is something that we cats find instinctively and artistically satisfying. But I don't think any of us, no matter how good we are at communicating with humans, this simple minded species, has ever been able to explain the sheer beauty of it - the almost musical sound of the material tearing, and the aesthetically pleasing movement of the graceful downward strop, followed by the sheer exaggerated fluffiness of the resulting fabric. Wonderfully pleasing to the feline ear, paw and eye.
But they don't get it, Marti. They just don't understand it at all. Sometimes I think that they don't really have artistic natures. They are blind to beauty, impervious to scent, unable to distinguish the subtleties of body language, the minute alterations of the tail that mean so much...
I have also been unable to persuade Celia to pay attention to the zen patterns I draw on the litter inside the litter tray. I did a beautiful Japanese garden effect this morning. What did she do? Just scooped it out. But I love the stupid species. Somehow the sheer pathos of their limited abilities makes me fond of them.
Love
George
P. S. I haven't really answered your question on how to razzle dazzle humans, I suppose. Just be yourself, Marti. You are so purrrrfectly beautiful.