Friday, December 08, 2017
Saturday, September 03, 2016
I’m Basil! Not The Great, not the Holly, not the Italian and, definitely not the Thai basil! I’m simply …..Basil the Good Boy. My mother was rescued off the streets by this good family when she was pregnant.
She had a litter of four and she had the luxury to nurse us until we were about three months old. The good family kept my mother, me and my brother and their relatives adopted the other two kittens. We all have good homes now and good, caring people.
Actually I was born right in this room you can see in the picture (above). The room is our human grandma’s bedroom. I love this room so much that sometimes I don’t even want to leave it to go eating. During the day my human grandma sits in her favorite armchair solving puzzles and I sleep in her bed. At night we switch – I’ll take the armchair and she’ll sleep in her bed.
But I need your advice as we have big problems with my brother and I’m afraid he’ll get in trouble. See, his name is Aristotle which I think our parents rush to name him so (after a dozen of other names which none fitted him) – he is no philosopher nor is he wise. The minute he gets indoors he jumps on our human kitten’s bed and pees right there. So, he is mostly an outdoor cat because of this! While outdoors he gets in fights with the west end guys over territory! My mummy can’t catch him on an empty stomach to take him to be “fixed”. We need your advice – how do we catch him before he eats? Once fixed I think he’ll make a really good, wise philosopher!
But…. until then?
Basil, the good boy
I don't like thinking about the snip, castration, fixing, neutering, sterilising - those are the words used by humans. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It happened to me and because I don't know what life would be like if I still had my mating tackle, I can't be sure if it was a good thing. But I certainly don't pee in the house or get into fights, roam from home looking for sex or get sexually transmitted diseases.
If Aristotle wants a good life, he will have to submit to this. Perhaps your humans could borrow a trap from the local cat shelter and get him to the vet that way. In ancient Greek literature, I think in a book by Plato, an old man is asked how he feels about no longer being interested in sex. "I feel I have escaped from a violent god," he replies.
A wise philosopher! Humans get into fights, roam round looking for sex, and end up in the STD clinics. But they don't neuter each other, do they? If it is such a good thing, why not?
I leave you with that thought.
Saturday, February 06, 2016
Hope you can help as I’m living a big dilemma. I know who my biological mother is, I know who my adopted mother is, I know who my adopted father is but how would I know who my biological father is? When humans are looking for child support they do a DNA test and the “bad guy” ends up paying until the human kitten finishes university or is 21 years old. Well, in most cases we don’t get to live that long so our biological fathers won’t have to supply a daily fresh mouse for the next 21 years!
However, I don’t think it’s fair not to make them bring a mouse once in a while!
It's a wise cat that knows its own father. I don't. A fair number of humans don't either: they only think they do. The joy of feline sex is that two or three different toms father a litter. It's nature's way of ensuring diversity. Humans have to have rules about this: we do it naturally. Gingers, blacks, black-and-whites, grey (all shades of) tortoiseshells and tabbies are all brought up as equals.
Forget your father. It's only boring humans care about paternity, and get DNA tests, and worry and upset themselves. It's mothers that count for us. They feed us and teach us. There's no kitten support from our fathers.
Yes, if that stray cat in the backyard looks like you, sniff the air and see if you can recognise a familiar scent. It's the armpit test and some believe cats can recognise their relatives. But that might just be catlore.
Purrsonally I never give my father a second thought. I am Glorious Me and that is all that matters.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
I stand here today (in front of a lion ….as you can see in the photo) to debate the animal communication topic. You know very well we can communicate effectively with all species but, humans are not that evolved so, of course, we have a problem communicating with our human pets. Take my example: we are a three cat household, all rescued and, of course with health and/or emotional issues that normally come along with all rescued cats. Our mommy worries a great deal about our wellbeing!
George, I like to hear your opinion; what do you think about all this!
Yours… very telepathically
The trouble is that humans cannot tell the difference between humans who can read cats, and humans who can't but charge high prices anyway. I can smell a bad human from about 200 metres.
Can we distinguish good from bad cat experts? Of course we can. We can read our human pets without any difficulty whatsoever. That's why we domesticated them in the first place!
PS. Celia thinks the money would be better spent on a properly qualified cat behaviourist - but she would say that! She's toiling through her master's degree on the topic.
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
Unfortunately ,I was sick the other night, and even though it was outside, Mummy found it, and whipped me to that horrid place where they stuck a glass thing up my bottom, so undignified, and needles in me, shaved off my fur to do this. And left me in a cage all day with water going in my leg.
What a carry on. I did feel very queasy.
She did collect me at 5 and had cooked me fish, and chicken. Well I was famished so was glad to see food. I stayed out that night, popped in to wake up when I got hungry, and guess what?
She shut me in at 8am and out came my basket and back we went to the vets, for another injection. Cost her over £300 so that'll teach her a lesson.
Lots more fish and chicken followed, but I've stayed out of the house , only entering to wake her for food at night or a cuddle in the evening, as I know she's is worried, but it has freaked me out.
I suppose it did make me better, but how would she like it?
I know you will understand ,George.
Lots of love,
Vets. I loathe and detest them. I call them torturers. They are always jabbing needles into us. And as for that thing up the bottom. My friend William used turn round smartly and bite the hand that was trying to stuff a glass tube up his backside. He wouldn't have it.
And the smell. Each time I go there it smells of feline distress, anxious human, and smelly dogs. In the waiting room the worry smell is almost overpowering. And oddest of all, the humans don't seem able to smell the anxiety in the air. Even the dogs do. But not the humans.
I am thinking of starting a Bite The Vet week among fellow felines. Or maybe we could start a cat gang, kidnap a vet, hold him down and stick a tube up his bottom.
With sympathy for your suffering,
PS. This blog is early because my human is putting me into captivity for week, as she goes away to enjoy herself. Sickening behaviour. AND she was too late to put this photo of Mexico Day (May 4) on the previous blog. I wish humans were more efficient.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Last week I got this wonderful little hammock as a gift from my human kitten.
But, I can’t enjoy my new gift because lately my humans (the old folks) are acting very strange; as soon as they see me in the hammock napping they come and tempt me with treats or rub my belly or literally grab me off the hammock. She is worse than him. I know she’s jealous. But him? Do you think they want my hammock? Do they think they can fit in it? George, how can I make sure they won’t steal it from me? Also, I’d like to punish them for disturbing my sleep! I’d like to wake them up when they are sound asleep. What should I do? Please…..feed me all the tricks.
I can do better than just tell you a few ideas for waking your human. I can show you some at http://www.wimp.com/catsalarm/ A human (believe it or not) gave me this information. Michelle in Toronto is one of the least stupid humans I have come across. Cayenne, her owner, says she is really quite bright.
I particularly enjoy the cat who leaps on to his human's groin in the video. I have always found this particularly effective with a sleeping male. For a female, I prefer a slightly less direct approach. I get myself into position and then do what I call a dry spray - quiver my tail in an attractive come-on. The nearer you get to the human face, the more likely they are to wake up.
Biting toes under the duvet is good. My informant Tilly specialising in poking items off the bedside cabinet. She chooses the items that will make the most noise, but she also finds that her human responds well to the sound of her spectacles being poked.
Grooming is reasonably effective, as the video shows. But it is hard work grooming all that hair - unless your human is bald. That makes it easier.
Saturday, January 04, 2014
Here we go again. Ridiculous trivial human resolutions which have nothing to do with what really matters - proper cat care and proper human service. Because I am grumpy after the long period of 'festivity" (I'd call it neglect), this kind of thing makes me tired and cynical about the inferior species.
Healthy eating? Vegetarian? Don't make me mew with cynicism. There's no point you trying to break this resolution by bringing a mouse or two. Humans never ever eat them. They spurn our helpful offerings.
Lose weight? Well padded knees make for a softer lap. Who wants a bony human? Not me.
Get up early - now there's something there, as you so wisely point out. I'd like two breakfasts. One at 3am and one at 7am.
Exercise more - yes, if it means more cat games, fishing rod toys, chasing round the house. As you say, rat-on-the-wheel gymnasiums have nothing to offer us - the humans simply leave the house.
Be nicer. Yes but to us not strangers. Ignore strangers. We don't like them.
Get better organised. Omigoodness... all that cleaning and furniture moving absolutely ruins the scent profile that I have been building up in the house by rubbing against doors, walls, furnitures etc.
Is there any hope? Well, luckily there is. Human beings usually fulfill their resolutions for a period of time which is about two weeks. Then life settles back nicely into normal. Don't worry, Fluffy, all this activity will soon be over.
Happy New Year without Resolutions
PS. Get your human to put you on www.catsinsinks.com
Saturday, June 29, 2013
You know my humans, Merrie and Robin so I am writing to you for advice. With the very cold winter they provided me with an indoor lavatory in the garage and at night moved it into the kitchen as I sleep in the breakfast room. They won't allow me on their bed any more as they say I fidget and wake them up. When it got warmer and I was able to come and go more easily and visit my house next door without being carried because it was cold, snowy or wet, they had the cheek to remove the tray at night from the kitchen. They thought as I was peeing in the garden again, Robin didn't want the bother of carting the tray from the garage into the kitchen. Naturally I piddle in one corner when I wake up in the night or morning. Why should I go out through the cat flap in the early morning when I am nearly nineteen years? The staff have no consideration. They are putting disinfectant down but I am continuing.
Yours in disgust at human failings,
We all have problems with staff. Incompetence and lack of intelligence are common human failings. There are so many human idiocies here, that I hardly know where to start.
First, the litter tray.You are an elderly cat and like other oldies (human as well as feline) you need to be able to get to the loo in time. You should not have to struggle out in the frost in winter and the rain in the so-called British summer. So, you need a loo indoors in the warm - not too close to the food bowl. Do they have a utility room or downstairs human lavatory that would be suitable?
Secondly... the disinfectant. Your staff are obviously totally untrained in proper cleaning. I love the smell of disinfectant and I expect you do too. Stupid humans who are smell blind think disinfectant smells of lemon or some other scent. We know that it smells of cat pee. So naturally, we pee on top of it. "Cleaning" cat pee with disinfectant is like putting up a notice "Pee here" for us cats. Tell your human to contact Celia's website on how to clean up.
In general, Lily, I wonder if your humans need more training. Human intelligence is severely limited and household staff really can't cope unless they are properly trained. Put more effort into this.
PS. Reclaim your bed. If you fidget, they can always sleep downstairs on the sofa or in the spare room. What is the world coming to when humans think they can take over our beds.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
It’s past midnight and I barely can hold my head up not to fall asleep on the keyboard but I MUST write this letter because I smell trouble in my house. Actually, I’m afraid to go to sleep or better said…..I’m afraid to wake up in the morning. Let me explain. If you remember I was adopted after my human took a trip to Las Vegas. I was extremely happy; I settled in my new home quite nicely; I started an intensive training with my human BUT yesterday I heard him talking about taking a trip to Mexico. You know by now what’s happening when he takes a trip, right? Yes! It possibly means another cat! And now I’m afraid to go to sleep only to wake up in the morning looking at a tabby “Juanita”. I have mixed feelings (due to the recent letters) about sharing the house with another cat. How can I stop my human from going away or better yet, how can I train him to change his habit?
Sleepy but worried,
This is one of the worst human habits - their idea that they can just fling another feline into our territory and expect us to accept the intruder. We are not dogs. In nature we would only live with our relatives. Yet they expect us to welcome an unrelated stranger into our midst. Sometimes I despair of humans..... their inability to learn anything about us and their irresponsible habit of adding cats to the household.
You can't stop them, Vegas. You can't change them, Vegas. You can train them out of some behaviour but probably this is a human behaviour problem that won't respond to training. If they bother to read this, they should know that the introduction must be slow, starting with the newcomer in a crate or the spare room (with full litter and food facilities). Bedding should be swapped between you and the new kitten (sounds good that is is female rather than male) so that the proper "family" scent can be developed.
Humans are scent blind and lack our exquisitely sensitive noses. Their honkers or schnozzles are pretty useless organs. It is the scent of the intruder which will initially upset you. However if the scents are slowly mixed and she aquires your scent and visa versa, you may find it in your heart to accept her.
You are young, Vegas. She will be young too. I hope and pray that this willl work out good for you and that, after the initial upset, you will acquire not a competitor but a play mate and a friend. The real pity is that you didn't get the chance to do a joint adoption, you and a littermate adopting the humans together.
Humans... idiots but we love them. Sometimes.
Friday, July 08, 2011
I am currently extremely stressed by my home situation and my human's behaviour. It has really upset me. She has brought home a new human, one who works in a veterinary clinic. Yes, one of those. A complete stranger to me. He smells of dogs, feline fear, vaccination needles and disinfectant (ironically smells a bit like cat pee). True, I have had a few scent hints about his presence in her life. She stayed out one night all night and came back looking very pleased with herself. As if the cat had got the cream, I might almost say. Now he has turned up and spent the night here. Yes, the whole night. He didn't even have the decency to mate and leave.
Shall I spray? I think it might make me feel better. And it would show her how very upset I am by her mating behaviour. What do you think? I rather thought I might do it on the unmade bed after he had got out of it.
No wonder you are upset. The sex life of these humans is so outrageous. Any time. Any season. The females are ready for it all year round. Their permanent readiness is really disgusting to felines. We have proper seasons for it, interspersed with kitten bearing and usually we remain abstinent during the winter. Makes sense. Who wants to have kittens that die of cold. As a cat who has had the snip, I really feel sorry for them, at the mercy of their ever present hormones.
Spraying gives the message "Stop it." Or "Piss off". Or both messages at the same time. However, it is the nuclear option for us cats, Louis. It is the ultimate weapon and the final deterrent. It can go wrong. Humans seem unable to read the message - which is "I am upset". They sometimes think we are just being malicious.
So my advice would be to avoid all out final war and try to set up a training programme using more gradual rewards and punishments. Obviously you will refuse to sleep on the bed, as usual. You wouldn't get a wink of sleep anyway. Pace round it making little kitten mewing noises. Jump up on the side of your human, then shudder, crouch and hiss at the new mate beside her.
Run away immediately he comes into the house, making sure that your human sees your fear. Refuse to eat your food (you can probably get a good meal further down the street anyway). In every way treat him as if he was a cat killer. A human who smells of the vet is a killer. They call it euthanasia. I call it murder.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I’m writing on behalf of my friend Miss Penelope. She is too shy and embarrassed to post her picture or write herself but, I think she has a problem and I need your advice.
Miss Penelope is a rescue from a local shelter and she was adopted with two other cats. She was ok until one of the cats started “bullying” her. I don’t know if she is scared or has a health problem but lately she stop using the litter box. She “goes” in most unusual places through the house.
What it is very unusual ….she kind of peeing standing! Her human is worried that she might have some health problem even if all tests came back normal. Did you ever hear of a cat peeing standing? Can this be a health issue? May be some lower back problems? Hips? What do you think?
Many thanks & love Cat Victoria
I think Miss Penelope is trying to tell her human that she is very very anxious. Standing up to pee is the way we cats mark our territory rather than just relieving ourselves. This is scentmarking and it's rather like a post-it note to ourselves to tell us that something worrying is round this particular corner. My friend William used to do it against a box tree (they smell like cat pee to a cat) and also at the corner of the field where the foxes would come past on their way to hunt rabbits. It reminded him to take care.
We mark our territory when we think it is under attack or when we are feeling anxious about it. So if our stupid humans punish us, we get even more anxious and mark even more. Also once we have marked, we top up the place to keep our scent there up to date. The smell reminds us. So does the smell of disinfectant put down by humans. Disinfectant smells just like cat pee to us. My secretary Celia tells me that instruction on how to clean up cat pee, and a list of reasons why cats get stressed is on her website at www.celiahaddon.com
If Miss Penelope is not getting on with the other cats, she needs help. We are not human. Humans are absurdly social - they eat together and spend time together. Most of them like being near other humans - pubs, parties, holidays, hobbies etc. But it takes between 3- 6 months for most cats to settle into a group. We cats deal with social problems by spacing, keeping a decent distance between each other.
So her human can help her by making sure there are plenty of cat beds, that food is put down at at least two locations (a tea-tray with food can be put in the bedroom), that there is at least one litter tray per cat. Don't just put the litter trays in one location - there should be at least two locations. The idea is that cats can do all the things they need to do - eat, sleep and eliminate - without having to come close to each other. Miss Penelope needs to feel safe from the bully.
If she is being severely bullied - wounds, fur everywhere etc - she may just need to live in a separate part of the house. A Petporte cat flap into a room of her own might help. Some of us are really anti-social and just are natural loners. There's more on Celia's website about that too. Or in that ridiculous book of hers.
If only we could purrsuade humans to think cat, rather than to assume that we will like the same things as us.
PS. My secretary is trying to make a Facebook group titled Cats behaving badly but so far she has made a group but nobody seems able to join it. What is she doing wrong? Answers to her on Facebook please or via the website www.celiahaddon.com
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Your blog might be for cats but I kind of like it! Oh, sorry! Let me introduce myself;
my name is Oliver or in French ….Olivier (guess I need an accent aigue somewhere – not sure- just learning French). Recently I moved to Paris (France, of course) with my mommy. She loves my very much but I don’t have too many friends and I get easily bored. When not in Paris, we spend a good amount of time at the farm (near Paris) but I’m not used to village life either. Last week she took me to Louvre. I liked it (I could pee on the pyramid but don’t tell anybody). Next week will be another museum or something! I mean….how much “Louvre”, “turn Eiffel” “Montparnasse” can I take?
George, I think I need a friend. Should I look for another cute, little dog like me or a house rabbit? Do you know of any parks in Paris where dogs meet? May be I’ll meet the love of my life! O la la!
Museums.... boring, boring, boring. Very few if any mice and those that exist as as poor as church mice, who face equally straightened circumstances. No rabbits to chase. Just lots of square things on the wall with labels Leonardo Da Vinci and the like. (Though Leonardo was fond of cats and some rather nice sketches of felines exist).
A house rabbit has interesting and gastronomic possibilities. Research your French recipes for lapin, then start trying to persuade your human that you need this kind of friend. I have been working on Celia but she says I should content myself with the very many rabbits that live in her garden. She says that when she has evidence that I have palled up with one of these, she will have some house rabbits. She pointed out that finding the half eaten rabbit corpse on her doorstep did not count as evidence of a fully functioning rabbit-cat friendship.
My online friend Samurai Raoul, (I dare not go near him as he chases cats), whose photo is on the right, recommends the Bois de Boulogne as a good place for a walk but you should warn your human about the dress code. It must be modest, otherwise she may be mistaken for certain people (male and female) who sell special services to male customers. And it is not a good place to go at night or when offices close, as this is married man's time, when customers pick up a quickie before catching the train home to their wife and family.
I am going online later today to ask Raoul for more tips on the canine vie Francaise (can't do the accents on this blog). He never goes off lead in the Bois, as his humans are dismayed by his fighting attitude. As a warrior dog, despite his small size, he attacks dogs three times his own size and, like us cats, takes no notice of any human instructions. But other dogs enjoy playing peacefully there.
Glad you peed on the pyramid. Why else would it be there? Such a nice shape with a lot of edges at pee height. Made for leg lifting. I dare say passing felines have sprayed there too.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
I'm quite fed up with my sister Cayenne.
I wasn't feeling well the other day so mommy took me to the vet. They did a whole set of tests and thanks God everything is okay.
I came back quite happy to be home but my sister Cayenne doesn't recognize me
She thinks I'm a different cat. Mommy is upset as she's leaving today for 3 weeks to visit her mother. We'll stay home with daddy but what can I do to make Cayenne realize that it is me, Fluffy? Or may be I just should get into a bag (see photo) and go away with mommy? Some advice will help! I'm sure other cats had this problem too.
Yes, it is a common problem after a vet's visit. Vets are the most loathed enemies of all cats. They do awful things to us - stick us with needles, force pills down our throats, force our mouths open to lok at our teeth, and generally maul us around. We hate vets. The bolder among us bite them if we can or scratch if we get the chance. Some purr formercy (and don't get it). Mostof us just sit hunched and miserable onthat awful smelling table.
There's nothing worse than the smell of a vet. Naturally we cats identify friends and foe by scent. But the humans don't understand this because they are scent blind, poor creatures. They just plonk us back into the family home, completely unaware of the fact that we smell like the enemy. So Cayenne reacted normally and went for you. You smelled horribly frightening to her.
The answer is to give you the smell of home. Home smells of your scent and her scent mixed together with the scent of both your humans (that's why you rub them). It's the homey scent that identified you and her as friends.
Get your human to take a clean cloth like a hankie and wipe it round Cayenne's chin and cheeks to collect her scent. Then wipe it on your body. Do the same for your chin and cheeks and wipe it on her. Swap her beddding with your bedding. Top this all off by taking a little of your human's scent - from their armpits or (if they are self conscious about this) even atiny little bit of aftershave or perfume and put this also on both cats using a clean hankie.
Voila! ou and Cayenne should smell, not of vets, but of home. If that doesn't put things right, get a Feliway diffuser from the vet to exude a calming scent into the room where you spend most of your time. Oh yes, and next time think of taking both cats to the vet and asking her/him to handle both.