I'm learning to trust humans - but worried about a feline bully

Dear George,

I’m a rescue and, of course I live in a multiple cat house. I’m the only girl and very shy.
I’ve always been very shy and not very trustful, especially of humans. One of my “brothers” is a bully and I don’t know how to deal with that. My humans are very supportive of me but they work late hours. Lately I started going to them for an occasional rubbing and petting and they seemed to be very happy. Yesterday, after quite few hours of playing time with them I heard them saying “she’s coming out of her shell”. I got nervous as I don’t know what that means? Am I going to lose my coat? What shell are they talking about?

Nervously

Princess Penelope

Dear Princess Penelope,
Feline bullies are difficult to deal with. Do you have your own safe sleeping area, where he cannot intrude upon you? Doe he block your way to the litter tray? Or have your humans got several trays so that you can always get to one without anxiety? The same with food. You should not have to eat in close proximity to him. There should be several food and water locations. 
I am so glad that you are beginning to trust your humans. I hope that you are able to spend some time with them, without the bully being there to intimidate you by staring or blocking. You should train them to feed you cat treats when you go towards them, so that you are getting rewarded for overcoming your fear. Patient humans will be rewarded by your love.
Yours sympathetically
George
PS.  Celia has taken to taming a feral kitten instead of concentrating her time on serving me. I am fed up. You can see it here.

The dog who saved a cat.

Dear George,

I’m not going to repeat my story as most of your blog followers know me by now but I want to introduce Hallie – the dog who saved me - she is such a goodhearted and beautiful girl. Around Christmas Hallie lost her “cat” who was her best friend. She suffered so much that her mommy (my mommy now too) had to come home with a cat who would befriend Hallie. When I arrived to my new home, Hallie was all too happy to see me but I wasn’t so sure.  I lived my life on the streets or in the pet food store until then. Of course I’ve seen dogs before but never lived with one. I was overweight and didn’t know how to play. Hallie and mommy taught me to play and have fun.  I lost the extra pounds soon and started having so much fun. Hallie even gifted me with her favorite couch – as you can see in the photo. The nickname of my new home is “harmony.” Everything and everybody is so nice, loving and lovely.

I know the saying that cats and dogs don’t get along but this is one example that actually we do. And Hallie is one smart and beautiful dog.

With gratitude

Bander

Dear Bander, 
Congratulations on your sensible relationship with Hallie. You are so obviously Top Cat. You have taken over her couch, as any self respecting cat would, and she is lying below you in a submissive posture. Quite right too. Cats should always look down on dogs.
I am so glad you have recovered the gift of play. Play is so important.  Dogs play in almost all circumstances but we cats can usually only play if we feel relaxed and happy enough. It comes of the fact that we are the more grown up than canines. Dogs are more likely to be permanently young at heart. Which is why they even look up to humans, can you believe it? Poor silly souls.
Happy endings are what I love most. So many of my friends like Tilly and Toby have gone through adversity and it is such a pleasure to read how they adopted a suitable human and achieved  happiness at last.
Yours
George
PS. Bad news.  Celia has decided to go North to the Shetland Islands to look at wild birds. She's not going to catch them, but just look. So she will not be available to type my blog next Saturday. I wish humans would not let us down like this.

Rescued... once again.

Dear George,

It's me, Bander, the cat rescued by a whole pet food store! Remember my story? Well, let me tell you the latest news! After that client of ours started making sarcastic comments about my size and shape...the staff analyzed the situation and they agreed that I'm taking my job as the night shift "food quality manager" way too serious (as you can see in photo 1) and this might affect my health. Since there was no other career opening for the moment at the store, the youngest staff member (and the cutest) Danielle decided to take me home to boss her dog around. You might think "why a dog"? Well, this dog is very special; he LOVES cats - can't live without a cat bossing him around! So, I was rescued once again! But, the dog is a lot of work! We play together, we sleep together, but we don't eat together! The result of my new job? I slimmed down a lot as you can see in photo 2. Of course I'm happy! I have a big backyard and a lot of space to run around, I have a lovely dog to boss around and I have the most lovely Danielle to cuddle to.

But the truth is that even if I'm very happy now...my ego was hurt when people tried to shame me for being fat! George, for my own sake please explain to me the difference between being fat, overweight and obese! In my not so humble opinion ...I was just well rounded and nothing else!

Cheers,

Bander

Dear Bander,
This puts me in a bit of a spot. In principle I claim that humans have no right to be judgemental about feline size - I mean just take a look at the passersby from your window. About 60% are overweight and of those a further 50% are obese. This species has no right to be critical of fat cats. And I strongly object to the way we are stigmatised in the press, as if we were money-grubbing humans. Cats are not interested in money. This is a particularly vile insult.
That said, being very overweight is not good for our health. Cats get arthritic like humans and being overweight is a stress on the joints. It's probably not good for a whole range of other diseases too and I would remind all cats reading this that disease means a trip to those torturers known as vets. Stay healthy and you stay out of the vet's surgery with its horrible smells and whining dogs.
Overweight? The STS or Sagging Tummy Syndrome does inflict many of us, who are unable to regulate our diet naturally. And if we don't have any exercise, it gets worse. I am lucky enough to go out and kill rats and mice, but indoor cats cannot hunt - so they need hunting games with their humans. Obese? That is more of a problem. If the human cannot feel your ribs, then it is an issue. So perhaps leaving your job as food quality inspector was a good idea.
But I bet the customers miss you.
Love 
George

Dinner is late.... again

Dear George,

I was blessed with a good family! I always took pride in how well I trained my humans but lately I have my doubts. Between you and me? I think I failed in training my "daddy".

See, I always enjoyed having dinner with him! What can be better than looking in each other's eyes and share a ..... juicy steak? But, he is a workaholic! And, I'm afraid I'll develop "emotional eating" waiting for him every night! Sometimes I climb 50 feet tall trees trying to see where he is but most of the times I'm waiting for him in the kitchen (as you can see in the photo attached). George, I worry about my wellbeing! I read in a book that "emotions" derived from the Latin verb "emovere" meaning "to move" therefore the word "emotion" covers any feeling that moves the mind and my mind it is "moved" towards "eating"! George, what do you know about "emotional eating"? Is it going to make me fat? Most humans manifesting "emotional eating" are fat and depressed.

Should I become a vegetarian and punish my daddy?

Yours in distress

Paco

Dear Paco,

Do not despair. We all of us have these moments when we think we have failed. Failed to train our humans properly. Failed to allow for their little foibles. And it is at moments like this that we need help and support from other felines.  

Yes, some cats do develop emotional eating - from boredom, from stress or from the difficulties of living with a different species (humans). But you do not look to me, as if you would do that. I can tell from the wonderful look of your coat that he has not failed in his grooming duties. And there is a look in your eye which tells me you are more resilient.

You are letting your human control you. That is a big mistake. Make him wait for you. Cut that waiting down by doing more tree climbing. If you have access to the street, start checking out alternative sources of food. Is there a lonely human somewhere who might feed you on the sly? Can you break through a cat flap and steal another cat's food?
That way when he comes home from a hard day's work, you won't be so hungry. Make him search for you. And use that wonderful look in your eye to make him feel guilty, very very guilty, so that you will get more of his steak! Act starving even though you have dined elsewhere.

I have full confidence in your abilities.

George.

 PS. Do not turn vegetarian: it is not a good diet for cats.

Danger..... Easter eggs can kill you.

Dear George,
Please would you warn your readers about next week. Humans go slightly mad on the food front. It's painful to see them sitting down to large meals of roast lamb followed by creamy deserts, while we cats and dogs just have our normal envelope of soft food or a handful of dry kibble.
Naturally, I keep an eye out for any crumbs that fall off the table or the kitchen surfaces - if I can get there before my friend, Daisy the dog. She's a Labrador so she will bolt down anything - bread, chips, potatoes, sprouts, fruit, and..... chocolate.
That's what she did this time last year. She found an Easter Egg on the coffee table, tore off its wrappings and ate the lot.  I didn't get a look in.
A few hours later she was shivering, breathing heavily and wandering around restlessly. Luckily the humans returned, found the wrapping, and rushed her to the vet. She survived.  This chocolate turns out to be poisonous to dogs, cats and even parrots.
I felt pretty smug that I hadn't had so much as a nibble. So warn your readers not to touch that stuff. It's dangerous.
Yours
Tabitha.

Dear Tabitha,
Humans make pigs of themselves with chocolate. And they are hopelessly irresponsible about leaving it around. Odd, isn't it? They can eat pounds of the stuff without getting ill - though they do get fat. Apparently the chemical, theobromine, gives them a high but doesn't hurt them. To us, it can be deadly.
Apparently most vets in the UK have to treat pets for chocolate poisoning this time of year. And warn Daisy about grapes and raisins.  Most humans don't know that these too can kill dogs and probably cats too, if we were silly enough to eat them. There's information here.
As for the selfish behaviour of humans around food... it never ceases to amaze me. Here I am stuck with the same old cat food day by day, while they feast on takeaways, roast dinners, and exotic dishes. Of course, I steal what I can. What cat wouldn't?
But I shall stay away from chocolate.
Yours
George.

Training your human to give you food - Toby shows how it is done.

Dear George,
I have trained a Japanese vet to give me food, when I jump over an obstacle. Altogether an amazing experience and one that I am very proud of. It took several days because she was so slow.
At first she failed to give me any food at all. But she did pay attention to me, so I knew there were possibilities there. When I saw her fiddling about with something that looked like a very small horse jump, I tried several different behaviours.

• I walked up to it and paused. No food forthcoming.
• I went for a little walk No food.
• I walked round it and looked at her. Still no food.
• Then inspiration struck. I leaped over it. FOOD!!

She was so excited by this, that she made little beep-beep vocalisations. Rather like Celia does after I taught her to give food when I touched her hand.  These humans! With infinite patience, they can learn quite a few amusing food tricks.
Yours
Toby.

Dear Toby,
Congratulations.  It is so worthwhile to purrsist in training your human to deliver food. You are, of course, right. It takes days of effort because human are really not as bright as cats. We have to keep trying and keep our patience.
Food placed in a bowl, even food left available all the time, or stolen food - these are the agreeable aspects of living with a human. But sophisticats go for something rather more cerebral. They train their humans to deliver food on command.
The command you need is not a vocalisation. It is a piece of cute behaviour. Do it and you will be rewarded. You did it. Well done.
Simples.
George

I am Wesley, the famous student cat!

Dear George,
I just came across your blog and I think I'm in the right place to get advice. I'm a rescue and I have recently adopted a human kitten not knowing that he attends university in a different city. As he didn't want to leave me behind he took me with him to the student camp where he lives. So I became instantly famous (even if some would call me infamous) and very, very spoiled. Just imagine having at least 4 big guys, all football players, taking care of me!
But, I need your expertise in nutrition as I want to make sure that I eat right for my age  and all my adopted human kittens eat right too (they are athletes after all and probably need more protein, etc). I'm not worried about food when we have a school break as we always go back home to our human mommy and she cooks well! So....dry or wet food for me? What about treats? Should I share food with my human kittens? They eat mostly meat sandwiches. Or....should I just stay home with Mommy?
In gratitude 
Wesley
Dear Wesley, 
I do envy you. Four big football guys all taking care of you! Lucky old you. I bet that they are real softies.
Nutrition. Adolescent humans usually eat very badly indeed and meat sandwiches are not the ideal cat food. (Nor are they the ideal human food, which should contain fruit and vegetables not just meat and bread). By all means eat a bit of sandwich when you fancy it. A little of what you fancy does you good, but try and get more of the meat and less of the bread! Don't let them fob you off with the outside crusts.
Mouse sandwiches would be a great idea if you could purrsuade your football guys to go in that direction. Could you tempt them by catching one and presenting it to them? Raw mouse is probably the best natural food of all but for some reason, humans are squeamish about feeding them to us. And they don't seem able to produce tinned mouse.
Wet food or dry food? Wet food is great but not ideal for teeth. Dry food can lead to a cat being dehydrated unless they have the chance to drink whenever they want but is better for keeping your teeth clean. Tell your human to put out two bowls in two different locations so you always have a choice.
If you have a cat flap I recommend wandering down the street, and sampling various houses to see if the humans there offer a better brand of cat food. If you are an indoor-only cat it's trickier. Train your human to buy the brand you prefer by purring loudly when you get it. When you get an inferior brand, look at it disdainfully, then walk away. Or take a few mouthfuls and then try to cover it up, like you would cover up the contents of a litter tray.
This usually makes your human feel guilty and we cats make guilt work for us. 
Yours enviously,
George

PS. I can't read ingredients on cat food containers. Celia can read them but says she can't understand them. All the percentages depend on the amount of water in the food and she can't work out what the ingredient "ash" means.

Christmas is coming..... food, trees, and catnip

Dear George,

Christmas is coming and I don't know if it's a good thing or not given the high level of anxiety experienced by my family. I don't even know if it's anxiety or excitement. Lately they went nuts - they cook, they bake, they decorate the house, they stay up late and all these are disturbing my sleep. I don't exactly know who Christmas is and how it looks like or how Christmas will get to our house but I don't want anybody invading my territory! All I hear all day long is "let's share....it's Christmas" or "be nice.....it's Christmas" or "in the spirit of Christmas" over and over again! I remember last year about same time we got the house full of my humans' family and friends and I had to hide for a full week. I don't want this to happen again so I got up high on the roof watching my territory (picture attached). But....should I really chase Christmas away if I see it coming to my house? To tell you the truth George.....I like how the house is decorated, I like the smell of food and cookies, I like the festive atmosphere....so what should I do?

I like that everybody is jolly and they wish each other Merry Christmas!

Maybe if you'll explain to me what Christmas is all about and how I can best enjoy it....I will stay up high and...welcome Christmas in my territory!

A very meowy Christmas to all....

Zoe

Dear Zoe,  
It is not easy to explain Christmas. Humans are so inconsistent. On the one hand it is boring for cats - lots of strange humans coming round, too much liquid catnip consumed, humans quarrelling or laughing inanely... And, boy can they eat - turkey, goose, ham, bacon, sausages, pudding, brandy butter, custard, cream, bits on sticks, bits on binis, smoked salmon, unsmoked salmon, prawns, pasta, .... enough to make a sensible cat sick.
Feast well but a note of warning. Yes, there is a lot of food on offer. You can sneak into the room where they are going to eat and if you are quiet just fill up on whatever is there.You can steal stuff off the kitchen counter. You can gobble up fallen bits of food on the kitchen floor. You can pull down the trash can and eat what is inside it. You can even go out in the garden and eat some of the food they put down for the birds. 
Avoid the liquid catnip. There are cats who have overindulged and fallen off the mantlepiece breaking a leg or two. Avoid the Christmas pieces of string or tinsel - they can get wrapped round your innards. Avoid grapes, onions, avocado, raisins and chocolate - all poisonous. There's no need to make a fool of yourself. Humans will do that for you.
Christmas trees are fair game. Liven up the party by climbing up them. Or by pulling them down. Take a look at some creative felines adding to the Christmas fun here. 
Have a happy Christmas.
George

Strange creatures invading my territory

Dear George,

I was strongly advised by my cousin, CAT Victoria,  to write to you and ask for help as neither one of us knew what to do in my dramatic situation. Here is my story: I was rescued as a kitten and after a stressful period of adaptation in my new home (mostly due to being continuously sniffed at by the dog) I finally came to terms with everything and everybody (meaning the dog). My humans are very well trained and I think it is more of my cousin's merit rather then their human intelligence. Anyway, they provide and I take - as you can see in the photo attached. However, my happiness is in danger and I have no intention to let it be short lived. I enjoy my new home, I ignore the dog on daily basis and  I kinda like my mommy, especially when she's holding me in her arms. But....I was horrified to discover this strange creature (photo on the right)

EATING my food in the backyard. George, what is this? Certainly it's not a dog nor is it a cat. Its coat hurts anybody touching it and this strange "thing" can disappear in a ball. CAT Victoria thinks it is an ET and she's trying to communicate with it. This strange creature dares to eat my food and dares to sleep in one of my little houses in the backyard. The worst part yet? My humans seem to like this "thing"; they are talking to it and gave it a name. Is there a possibility that I might have been rescued and adopted by extra-terrestrials? Do you think they plan to abduct me and take me to the outer space? At least that's what my cousin thinks. George, do you think I'm safe in this creature's proximity?

Help(less)

Kitty-Kitty

Dear Kitty-Kitty,
Human beings are ridiculous. They have you, one of the most beautiful cats in the world with your amazing wildlife coat colouring, and they are giving your food away to a small odd creature with spikes and fleas. No, Victoria is wrong. It's not an alien, though it looks like one. It won't eat you or abduct you or try to form a relationship of some unhealthy type.
I think your hedgehog looks slightly different from the ones near me (photo below). Shorter noses perhaps.

But hedgehogs are natural flea bags. Covered with them. As your silly humans will discover if they try to pick it up. Admittedly hedgehog fleas are not cat fleas but even hedgehog fleas can give us cats quite a nasty bite. So my advice to you is to keep a sensible distance away from it. Tell Victoria if she wants to communicate to do it from a distance. Perhaps she could try some kind of feline semaphore!
And what on earth is it doing in the garden as winter approaches? Here in the UK they hibernate. They find heaps of leaves or grass and burrow down into it and sleep through the bad weather. Some people buy hedgehog hibernation cabins here.
May I be frank, Kitty-Kitty. Just ignore this latest human craze. It's not worth bothering about their behaviour.  Hedgehogs are boring. Now if it was mice.....
Yours
George 
PS.  If you hate your humans, or keep having to punish them with claws and teeth, then a TV company would like to hear from you. Email them at catdocumentary@gmail.com 

Bander, the pet shop cat, - should I go on diet?

Dear George,
My name is Bander and I consider myself one lucky cat!
Why? First and foremost because I'm a rescue!
Secondly, because I was rescued and adopted by an entire pet food store... Yes! Everybody loves me - starting with the owner, the staff and ending, of course, with the store's clients. Do you realize what that means for me? It means lots of petting and belly rubbing and unlimited free food - as much as I want from everything!
One particular client keeps telling the staff that I'm a bit skinny and asks how often do they feed me. They look at him like he is crazy since they think I'm well "too rounded" (pictures attached). But, I  took his saying at heart. I knew he's being sarcastic but his remark helped me develop a very entertaining habit at night. You see, when I'm alone in the store I feel so empowered and in charge...that I can do whatever I want, I literally can pick and choose! And, I choose to open whatever bag of food inspires me! Some nights I open two - three bags (not that I finish any) just for fun or maybe because I'm bored. They say I should exercise. But how can I exercise if I'm confined indoors? I'm no hamster to run on a wheel. And, honestly, food just tastes better than toy

George, I need your help as I don't know what to do. Do you think I should be on a diet?

Bander

Dear Bander,
Take no notice whatsoever of these remarks. As the manager of a pet store, it is clear to me that you must sample your wares. How else can you tell if you are selling high value products? How can you fulfill your duties to your customers without careful investigation and trials of the various food items.
As for exercise, tearing open food bags does involve exercise - clawing, tearing, pulling etc. And if you are sampling products, it is important to sample several rather than finish just one. 
It seems to me that what you are doing is a justifiable commercial activity. Get your humans to wise up. If they want to exercise you perhaps they could release some white mice or merely important some ordinary house mice. Then you could have real fun with a delicious meal at the end.
Yours sympathetically
George.
PS. It is a human (not a feline) failing to be obsessed with body shape. Who cares! 

≈

Beware the poison in the flower and the evil in the leaves.....

Dear George,
My name is Mack and I have no idea how old I am but, I know I'm a lucky survivor.
Survivor to what? you may ask! Well...to poison!
One night this past August my humans came home with a big bouquet of flowers laughing and chatty and happy - it looked like they were celebrating something.
They had some champagne, kissed me good night and went to sleep.
I was left alone in the living room; I certainly didn't feel like finishing the champagne so I nibbled on some flowers
Next I know? I woke up in a hospital then....vomit, torture with some tubes through my throat and a lot of misery.
Why all this? It seems that some flowers I nibbled on were poisonous for cats.
George, can you give us some advice on poisonous plants/flowers so our humans can learn and avoid bring such in the house?
Grateful to be alive
Mack

Dear Mack,

Phew. What a narrow escape. The most likely reason why you were poisoned was because the bouquet includes lilies (see photo on right). These are poisonous in flower and stem if you eat them but there is another danger. The pollen on their stamens can fall to the ground, be picked up on your paws or coat, and then when you groom yourself you swallow it. Your humans should cut off the stamens and shake out any pollen inside the flower before they bring lilies into the house and put them in a safe place. Better still not buy them at all.

The other poisonous house plant is poinsetta, a plant with decorative leaves that is often given as a Christmas present. The danger isn't so great with this, as you will only be poisoned if you nibble it. There isn't the danger of pollen. But tell your humans to be better safe than sorry.
For a complete list of dangerous plants go to International Cat Care.  Indoor cats with a nibbling habit are at greater danger than cats that have other things to do. Other common dangerous substance are human medicine (aspirin for one), canine flea products containing permethrin (many cats have died of this), and antifreeze.
Stay well. 
George

The feline path to serenity. May all your humans get fat.

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Dear George,

Looking at my photo…you may think I’m meditating but, actually I’m praying!

I’m praying to God! Why? Because that’s what one does when in disappear.

Lately I have been criticized for being too fat, that I’m eating way too much or too fast or that I’m eating like it’s “no tomorrow”. Well, who can tell if there is going to be a “tomorrow”? Don’t they say “live in the moment”? That’s exactly what I’m trying to do

and I’m being chastised for it?  So, I pray to God that if He can’t make me skinny….then, make all my friends (including my humans) fat! George, don’t you think this is the right thing to do? Let them put on some pounds and see how hard is to lose them.

Yours in God’s grace

Lenny

Dear Lenny,

Humans underestimate the superior spirituality of us cats.  Only a very few of them - Florence Nightingale was one - realise that by imitating a cat, humans can find their path to inner peace. 

Here are some of the inspirational characteristics of us cats. We live in the moment. We do not obsess about the past: we rescue cats move on. We do not become emotionally dependent upon anybody or anything. We understand serenity and we know peace. We also intuitively know how to handle things that baffle humans - rats, for instance. When we are happy, we play like kittens.

Here are some of the things we don't do. We don't rush around getting and spending. We don't care about or for money. We don't drink alcohol and the only drugs we use is catnip, which we use in natural moderation. We don't fuss about weight. We live our lives with a kind of natural modesty. 

I hope your prayers are answered and that all your humans become fat.

Love George.

Purrfect Kitchen Cleaning Services Ltd.

Dear George,
We are a team of two young and enthusiastic entrepreneurs. Our business is to clean any food left in the kitchen. We are thinking of registering a company with the above title….just in case other members of the feline community will need our services. Why Ltd. (limited)? Because some people are very bad at leaving any food out or they would leave out junk that we can’t “clean” (like ketchup, garlic powder, chili peppers, etc.) We are fine observers (from higher up levels) of both kitchens and people as you can see in the photo attached.
We inspect any surface or dish in the kitchen looking for bits of bread, meat or any other “people food” that cats may enjoy. However, being so young…we must admit…we don’t have enough experience when it comes to sneaky (please read sophisticated) people who are hiding food in all places.
That’s where we need your help and expertise George. For example – where is the food from the big plate that Jasper is sitting on? We’ve seen the smoke, the vapors and the smells coming out of “this” thing but when we looked to see what’s cooking….nothing was in there (people call this thing a hood?). Myself, Riley, I’m up and above to see what’s up there ….but, there is nothing again and I can swear I’ve seen our human mommy hiding something up here.  Also, how can we open locked cabinets and what do we do with the food we found in the “cold” big box we managed to open? Brrrr! It was cold and full of frozen meat! Ugh!
Waiting for your tips and tricks!
Yours,
Riley and Jasper

Dear Riley and Jasper, 
I have a cleaning routine. First I patrol round the floor looking for anything that fell off the higher surfaces. Next I leap on to the kitchen surfaces and check these out too. You will be surprised at the crumbs and tidbits that you find.  If you are in luck, there may even be a plate to lick. One one glorious occasion I found an open bowl of semolina pudding. I ate - apologies - cleaned up most of it.
I have never mastered opening a closed wall cupboard, but if you look carefully you may find one that isn't entirely closed. Insert a cautious paw and pull it open. Then jump on to the shelving inside. 
For floor level, try another technique. Fling yourself at the cupboards. They may swing open in reaction. The big freezer boxes? If you are strong enough to pull out a frozen chicken take it away somewhere to defrost. The fridge is easy. Plenty there to clean up if your human is unwise enough to leave the door ajar.
And help recycle the trash! Some people have a recycling food box on the kitchen surface. Edge this off and with luck when it falls on the floor the top will open. Recycle this inwardly. For a larger trash can, stand on your hind legs and pull it over with your weight while nimbly leaping to one side at the last minute.
The hood - normally a waste of time, but it is fun to sit there and survey the cooking. As for you, Riley, that high up retreat is fun but usually you won't find much food there either.
Happy kitchen cleaning, boys.
George.

Of humans and diets

Dear George,  
Mi chiama Luigi e io sono Italiano. At least I think I’m Italian since I was rescued by an Italian family.  And you got it….my name is Luigi and I think I’m about 3 year old (I don’t remember much of my life before being rescued). Well, all was great until the other day when my human kitten bragged about me to some crazy lady. Why crazy? Because the minute she heard I’m a 22 lbs. cat she started lecturing about me being too fat (how does she dare) and that I can become diabetic and all that nonsense.
Now, you should know that I am a big cat and I am….hm! well rounded (as you can see in the picture) but, I think I’m far from being fat. She advised my humans to cut off completely the dry food and to give me only wet food and only twice a day.
George, I’m not only in a state of shock but absolutely worried that my humans might take her advice. Am I going to be starving? I think she’s so crazy that she would put anybody (humans and cats) on a diet. What is wrong with these people? I don’t tell them to cut down on their pasta or red wine or cheese. George, is it true that we can become diabetics if we eat too much? Since humans are so obsessed with diets….what is a proper diet for a cat? 
Confused and mad
Luigi

Dear Luigi,
I share your irritation with humans. Have you looked out of the window lately and seen those HUGE humans lumbering by. Twenty stone or more of male and female flab. And they have the cheek to lecture us about getting fat! I see my human eating varied and delicious meals, while I have to get by on the same cat food (albeit of a different flavour) each day. It makes my blood boil.
I have to put up with a vet (whom I naturally loathe anyway) who lectures Celia on keeping my weight down. She's quite unpleasant about it: making personal remarks about the saggy state of my tummy. So I am on a restricted diet. Luckily for me I can supplement it by going out there and eating mice and baby rabbits. For cats with a cat flap, I advise doing this or just raiding other cats food by entering their cat flap.
If you are an indoor-only cat, this isn't available to you. What your human should be doing is to give you a more interesting life in order to boost your exercise quota. More fun instead of just less food. Ignore the advice about wet not dry food (unless you have a medical condition like cystitis). Get rid of the boring food bowl. Put your dry food into food dispensers (read How to Have a Happy Indoor Cat here). Scatter the food round the house so you have to hunt for it. It's not such good fun as hunting mice, but it is almost as good. Lots of games with fishing rod toys.
I might say that this should apply to humans too. Less time in the shopping malls and more time in the gyms or out on the hills. I push Celia out every Sunday to walk for 4 hours while I get on with the hunting. She complains but it does her good.
A fun-not-food-deprivation diet is what you need, Luigi. 
Yours 
George

Easter eggs: why can't I have one for myself?

Dear George,
I’m not sticking my tongue out at you; I’m sticking my tongue out at my “mummy”.
I’m once again very upset with her. It all started yesterday when she got two packages with chocolate and goodies from a dear friend from overseas.
I’ve seen stamps and labels with cats on the packages so I thought they were for me (I know this dear friend loves me more than she loves my mummy) so I tried to open them.
Oh boy, did she jump shouting that I’m not allowed chocolate? I wasn’t going to eat chocolate but I wanted to see what else was in there. She hid everything away.
I went to sleep very, very sad! Today I’ve seen her boiling eggs and dipping them in red liquid dye. They came out quite bright red and shiny and I thought this was the perfect time to play and have some fun. So I jumped up on a chair and started pushing them one by one over the table. Whoa! You should have seen her face staring at me in disbelief!
Of course she overreacted as she always does. She said the eggs were for Easter and turned her back to me. So I stuck my tongue out at her (as you can see in the photo how mad and upset I was). Now what? Should I talk to her again?
Should I crack eggs with her on Sunday? George, do you think I misbehaved?
Happy Easter to all
Fluffy

Dear Fluffy,
Ninety nine percent of the time humans are plain wrong. But for once your human was in the right. We cats shouldn't eat chocolate. It contains theobromine which is poisonous. It's even more poisonous for us than for dogs. Luckily, unless it comes in ice cream or chocolate sauce, we are less likely to eat it in the first place.
Greedy dogs sometimes swallow down a whole box of chocolate and need veterinary treatment urgently.The more expensive the chocolate, the more cocoa there will be in it, and therefore the most theobromine. 
Hard boiled eggs are a different matter. Personally I like a little egg - maybe just a little lick of the plate after breakfast eggs. My predecessor Fat Ada used to eat them raw, biting into the egg carton, cracking them with her teeth and licking up the yoke. She had learned this when she lived on the street, breaking into houses through the cat flap and  burgling their kitchens.
You did nothing wrong. You communicated your natural feelings to your human. She was mean minded enough to ignore them. I suggest sulking all through today (Easter Saturday), then lots of love and purring at the moment the painted eggs are cracked at Easter. It might work.
Love
George
PS. I am intrigued by your reading matter. High Society - about cats on roof tops, no doubt - speaks for itself. But why are you reading about dogs?

Love is in the air - try cheek to cheek.

4

Dear George,  

My name is Socks and I’m a rescue - one year old. Most of what I recall from my 1^st year of life is living in a cage in a shelter. One lucky day a young and beautiful woman came to work at the shelter as part of her practice o

volunteering as she is studying to become a veterinarian. She worked with me and of course she felt in love with me and last week she took me home. That was the luckiest day of my life and I was very, very happy.

She is kind and loves me but, I’m so terrified by the idea that I might be abandoned again that I’m afraid to show her any sign of affection. I don’t want to be hurt again for trusting and loving humans; it happened before to me and that memory is too fresh.

Now with Valentine’s Day approaching I dream of a candlelight dinner with her!

I dream of sharing little kisses, loving care and, of course sharing a steak or a mouse whatever she’ll prefer. She thinks I’m shy …but I’m only afraid I’ll be again lonely and abandoned. Do you think it’s appropriate to ask her for a date and a candlelight dinner for Valentine’s?  Or is it too early for me to show my true feelings for her?

Do you think I’m too young to date? I heard someone saying “you are never too old to love”? That means one can love from a very young age, right?

George, I need all your help as my manners are “shelters manners” not very polished.

I don’t know how to be romantic but I love my human.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

In love and…. grateful,

Socks

Dear Socks, 
I think I can help. First, the question of meals for two. Sharing a Valentine meal with humans is fraught with difficulty. If you bring them a fresh mouse, they are likely to shriek, run away, or even (what a waste) take it away from you and let it free. They can't seem to appreciate the gift and have such bad manners they do not even thank you. So that definitely won't work.
Sharing her meal is possible. I suggest moving cautiously on this one. My human, when she is alone, eats at the kitchen table and I sit near her looking as attractive as I can. She dines on meat and vegetables but doesn't seem very keen on sharing either of them. (I will eat potato if it is roasted in fat). I have tried snagging the food off her plate and she takes offence. She is too selfish to share.
Sophisticats have to use other measures. I think your best bet is just lots and lots of rubs and purrs. Have you tried cheek to cheek rubbing? My human finds this very romantic. She takes off her glasses so that they don't intervene, lowers her head, and waits for me to rub my cheek against hers. So sweet.
Loud purring always goes down well. If you purr near her plate, it just might make her share a little. Snuggle close to her on the bed at night and purr through the night - her body warmth will be useful in the bad weather you are having in Canada.  
We can love at any age. So can humans. Sometimes I think the older they are, the more love they need from us. 
Love 
George

I was a purrfect size 11....

Dear George,

I’m in a bit of confusion and I need your help. Maybe you’ll be able to explain to me what happened. I was a perfect size 11 (North American size system) before holidays and now, look at me (photo attached) I barely fit in the box. Of course I share things with my human; he’s getting the shoes and I’m getting the box.

Or, he’s getting the French fries and I’m getting the steak. Not bad at all how we share things!  But, what could have happened to my human that he’s no longer a size 11?

Could his feet shrunk because of too much snow? Or maybe he’s just playing games with me? Maybe he brought in a smaller box just to fool me? The other day he made a comment that I indulged beyond ….whatever….this holiday season.

George how could I…. when I’m on a diet? I’m on a carnivore diet – no carbs.

Is steak or turkey fattening? What is he talking about?

George, why do you think I no longer fit in a size 11?

Vegas

Dear Vegas,
It's ridiculous, isn't it, that fat humans seem to be so judgemental about cat body shape. They don't stint themselves. They dine on roast turkey, leg of lamb, fried chicken, battered fish, steak tartare, creamy cheese sauces, ice cream ..... Yet they expect us to eat the same dried cat food or wet cat food in envelopes every single day. Sometimes they feed us the same flavour for years at a time. It's just not fair. 
Purrsonally I like a nice tight box. There's something very pleasurable about squeezing into the space and relaxing into sleep. I think that box fits you nicely. It shows off your beautiful striped back and nice white whiskers against the red cardboard.
I'm glad your human shares. So many humans don't. Mine keeps putting ideal boxes into the recycling area instead of leaving them around the house for me to jump into when I feel like it. Sometimes she decides she will leave me a box and she cuts a little entrance into it for me. I never use these. I just look at them with a sneer. Humans should not be indulged too much.
Yes, I like a carnivore diet too. But when I want to wind up my human I steal all kinds of food - buttered crumpets, crumpets without butter, bits of old bread, chicken skin(I get this out of the trash can by overbalancing it. I tried banana the other day - didn't like it.
Just ignore your human. If you are happy with your shape, who is he to criticize? Who's the boss? Not him.
Yours in sympathy
George.

Thank goodness.. an end fo festive nonsense

Dear George, 
So what is all this festive nonsense about ? Don't get me wrong , I love the fact there are sparkly shiny things to play with . The humans however are more mental than normal . They consume vast quantities of Turkey and Brussels sprouts . They have the nerve to blame me for the resulting flatulence . 
They fall asleep on my sofa in silly paper hats .  No Cat nap for me with all this loud snoring going on My favourite rug is covered with wrapping paper . How very dare these humans rip and tear it  to shreds when I wasn't allowed to ? Thank goodness it's only once a year .
Yours 
Penny

Dear Penny,
Couldn't agree more. My human has been far more mental than normal. She has eaten like a pig and, as you say, Brussel sprouts are not conducive to a pleasant home smelling mainly of cat.
Personally I like a nice daily routine. Wake human at 7am or perhaps 6.30am if I want an early breakfast. I usually walk up and down her body but if she is sleeping too soundly, I will purr in her ear or just push things off the bedside cabinet. Breakfast at 7.10 when she has gone downstairs in her dressing gown and opened the envelope of cat food.Toilet time outside followed by a stroll round the garden in good weather, then a little nap usually on the bed but maybe on the windowsill if it is sunny there. Lunch - a few cat biscuits. Another nap, occasionally accompanied by my human. Tea - a few more cat biscuits. Another nap followed by an evening stroll. Supper - proper serving of cat biscuits. Then I sleep in front of the fire, following her up to bed at night (one or two more cat biscuits). I like to sleep on the warm side or in very bad weather cuddled up close to my human hot water bottle.
That's it. No alcohol in the house. No silly hats. No visiting humans. No going out in the evening (I mean her not me).  Just a nice daily routine with an attending human.
Happy New Year.
George

I ate all the treats... so what? Humans are worse.

Dear George,
It looks like I misbehaved this past Thursday and everybody in the house was upset and had something to say! But…..I was celebrating American Thanksgiving! What’s wrong with this? Don’t we all should give “Thanks” regardless of the flag we wear?

What “crime” did I commit? I ate all food I found around plus I opened a small bag of treats and finished it.
And, after that? As you can see in the photo attached.
I couldn’t even move ….but it was a good celebration! Now, the other three cats are upset and won’t play with me. My humans? Ugh! They started worrying if this was “emotional eating”; am I depressed? am I anxious? am I bored? What doctor should they take me to?

What if I’ll become obese? Are they crazy? I am no Bridget Jones! I enjoyed the food and that’s all it happened! Do I suggest they see a shrink if they put on weight? No! Not my business if they want to be chubby. George, are all humans neurotic or just mine?
Yes, I ate all treats….now, what? You tell me as I’m confused about all this fuss!
Full and satisfied 
Vegas

Dear Vegas,

I once ate a full packet of specially malt flavoured vitamin pills for cats  - about 120, I think. My human got very upset indeed, rushed me to the vet, who stuck a thermometer up my bottom so I bit her. "He seems quite well to me," she said sourly.

Humans are such hypocrites. My own left me alone today (without any food), went out for a four hour lunch, and I heard her admitting she had eaten two portions of Mediterranean meze, followed by a large slab of beef with mashed potato, and a whole bowl of Eton mess (cream, berries and meringue). She gave me a measly envelope of cat food when she returned and sat burping in front of the TV.

When I do some creative foraging and come home with a rat, or a mouse, or pull the bread out of its bag and eat it, or finish up the rice pudding left on the kitchen surface, her reactions are hysterical and unkind. 
I am adding a photo of the rat. I was planning to chase it round the house for about an hour and a half, then eat it, she intervened and "rescued" it.

I was proud of that rat! Humans are the pits. 

Yours with sympathy,

George