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Showing posts with label dig. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dig. Show all posts

Saturday, July 09, 2016

Look what my human has made - an outside litter tray

Dear George
My human does make me laugh sometimes. She is always getting the builder to do stuff in the garden relating to me, or the squirrels. She enclosed the garden knowing how important it is for me to keep in shape and have great fun as I chase the many fascinating creatures and leaves in it, and of course to sunbathe on my castle. By the way, she only enclosed the garden as I am FIV positive.
The neighbour’s gardens have therefore become unavailable for doing my business, and this year she has vegetables and herbs growing which are great and convenient toileting locations as the soil is lovely and soft, but she has decided to offer me an alternative. A pit was dug today and filled with gravel and soft sand. I assume she wants me to use this instead. Doesn’t the contraption remind you of Dalek? I’ve had a wander inside, and may use it to shelter from the rain. Whether I’ll use it as a toilet remains to be seen. Do you think I’m being too much of a tease?
Yours in collusion for making our pets work really hard for us,
Diamond
P.S. I'm sending you my human pet's blog on how I inveigled myself into her life in case it might provide ideas to some of your readers. Read it here. And her website here.


Dear Diamond,
I love the way you have trained your pet to be so active on your behalf. Special fencing in the garden instead of an indoor-only life. I bet the neighbour is pleased! For some reason humans are very disgusted by cat poo in their gardens.
I love the idea of sand too. Just what our ancestors in the desert would have used. Is she prepared to make sure the loo is kept clean enough for you - solids cleared daily and urine flushed with water every two days or so? Otherwise it can get very smelly - even by feline standards. 
I've just got the news that Celia has taken on another difficult kitten.... apparently one that attacks the face! Luckily she (Celia not the kitten) wears glasses. I quite admire these feisty kittens but they need to learn how to train humans with rewards not punishments. Claws should only be used in an emergency.
Yours
George.



Saturday, December 07, 2013

Human abuse - I dodge the missiles but it upsets my human

Dear George,
My name is Lucifer and I am a BIG cat. This is me held aloft by my human. As you can see, I am relaxed about being lifted up - he doesn't do it very often because I am so heavy. So is he, incidentally.
My grudge of the week is a neighbour. This woman hates me. She harasses me every time I visit her garden, a garden which is kept like a litter tray - nice loose soil between every plant. Naturally I use it. Unnnaturally, she hates that.
Normally she contents herself with shouting at me but lately she has started throwing things - small stones, loose soil, and once even a cup of tea.
She's not a very good shot. She'd never make the village cricket team as a bowler, so I dodge the missiles easily. But it is emotionally upsetting for my human. 
Is there anything I can do about this? I don't like to see my human so upset.
Lucifer.

Dear Lucifer,
It's one of the mysteries of human behaviour that they dig up the soil in just the correct way for a feline latrine. Then they complain when we take advantage of their toil. But, hey, while we can change human behaviour by training, we can't really alter their instincts. Digging is an instinct for many of them.
Some human behaviour counsellors would suggest you don't use her garden. This, I think, is conniving with abuse. So I suggest you purrsuade your own human to install a litter tray for use during the day and wait till darkness falls to use her garden. Not difficult in this weather. Use her garden extensively at night. Once you get used to the routine, you will rarely have to use the indoor tray.
Your human can then tell the abuser that he has installed a tray that you are using (he can even offer to show it) and invent a fictitious cat in the neighbourhood - "that scrawny ginger one from the flats" - that is responsible for the cat poo. "He does it in my garden too even though Lucifer chases him off whenever he sees him there."
Hey presto, you are now the good guy chasing of the serial pooper. Sometimes deception is the only way to deal with human abuse.
Yours
George.
 


Saturday, March 26, 2011

Revenge on your human

Dear George,
How many cats do you know who enjoy sharing same bathtub or same litter box?
I bet none or extremely few (if any)!
Then, tell me George, why humans enjoy bathing in other people’s pools or bathtubs or seas? That’s a weird thing to do and my humans seem to enjoy it! They went to Mexico (no less) to do just this. Hellooooo? Mexico?
They can’t even speak the language! They are completely unable to say correctly “Hola” What if they are in an emergency? How are they going to say “ayuda por favor”
Phew!
I should be worried for them but I’m too furious; I’m fuming with anger! I AM MAD! They locked me up in the house for a week just to go and abuse the Mexican beaches and pools and whatever! I mean…..they left me home with Auntie C, but she is too afraid to let me outside. Plus, she constantly talks, making those silly calls: kitty-kitty, kitty-kitty and then some hilarious sounds. She’s telling me stories all day! Hey; I don’t want to hear dumb stories about good cats! I want to go outside and inspect my territory! Ugh! I wish Zorro scare them away with that big “Z” on their door and send them back home! Ah, George, they have no idea yet how dearly they are going to pay for this indiscretion! I’ll request to be fed (by hand) with my favourite food at the most unusual hours! First shrimps, then canned food, then cooked food! I’ll be asking for almost 24 hours door service. The minute they are asleep…I’ll make sure I’ll wake them up! And these are just few ideas. George, please feel free to suggest more. Por favor! I welcome any idea from our feline blogosphere. Meanwhile, I pretend…. I’m sunbathing (sic)…as you can see in the photo.
Diego


Dear Diego
,
Human beings are just dumb animals - can't speak feline body language like we do, and generally don't think like we do. The behaviour of your humans is typical of this very limited species. Good cats indeed! What on earth does this Auntie C. think she is doing! What she really means is stupid cats who do what their humans want. (There are a few of these but fortunately not too many). No wonder you are sick to death of her meaningless vocalisations.
The human obsession with water is really rather pathetic. Due to the floppiness and ineffectiveness of their tongues, they can't wash properly. They can't even reach the bits that need washing. We can lean round and wash every area of our body. Their bodies are so stiff and unmoving that they can't do this. Thus the water. They use water in their human litter tray (usually a kind of white bowl that flushes), they throw their whole bodies into a bath of water, or stand under water as it falls from the ceiling of a shower. Odd. Well, not just odd. Properly weird.
Yes, make them suffer, Diego. The best time to wake them up is the first night of their arrival. They will be tired after their journey. You can torture them with affection, so they don't even realise your true motives. Jump on the bed. Purr down their ears. Rub against their faces. Miaow. Give their cheeks little pats. Back up against their faces so that if their eyes open, the first thing they will see is a winking backside. They will think you have missed them and are being loving. You know you have missed them and you are furious.
Here are some more ideas - pee on their open suitcase before they have unpacked: scratch the mirror (makes a teeth-grating noise): jump on kitchen surfaces and the table where they are eating: trip them up: dig so furiously in the litter tray and litter flies out everywhere: leap into their arms or on to their shoulders from a distance: sit in all the doorways: scratch the furniture in front of their very eyes: poke your nose right into their coffee cups..... and all this before you have scratched them directly or bitten them.
Or you can be very dignified indeed and simply refuse to take any notice of them. Sit looking out of the window wistfully with your back towards them. Refuse to stay in the same room with them. Refuse to share the bed. This shunning treatment can really upset a sensitive human.
It's all good feline stuff.
George

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Litter trays versus next door's garden

Dear George,
What are your views on litter versus earth outside? My owner is trying to do away with the litter tray. I don't know whether to object or indeed how to object. There's a gardener just down the road who dug his vegetable patch last autumn (it's frosted and hard now) and there's a field with some corn growing in it. I could settle for those. But sometimes I think it's easier, and it's warmer, if I just use the indoor litter tray. What are your views?
Fred.

Dear Fred
,
I am in favour of both. In the summer evenings I enjoy strolling down to the vegetable patch to see what Celia has been doing for me. When she's about to sew some seeds, there is often a nice fine tilth. Just what I need and with a pleasant earthy odour - until I use it. Next door's flower bed is quite inviting at times too. Mind you, sometimes the gardener objects. I have known gardeners that threw plant pots in unjustified aggression.
As for indoor litter, well indoor cats have to use it. The problem is sometimes the type of litter. Most of us cats like fine grained litter rather like sand. Clumps are useful for humans. They encourage them to clean up each time we go. It's expensive, of course, but what kind of human saves money on her cats? Besides, my personal view is that the more expensive easy-to-clump litter is cheaper in the long run.
Have your trained your human to clean up the litter tray often enough? She should clean in morning and evening - in the way that an old fashioned parlourmaid used to light fires in the bedrooms morning and evenings. This is the minimum. Personally I have trained Celia to clean more often if she is at home. I have convinced her that the only way to reduce the smell is to clean it as soon as I use it. If it gets too dirty (in my opinion) I wait till she cleans it, then I use it. It makes the point nicely.
Deodorants? I don't go there. They smell fine for humans but horrible to cats. Sometimes they even smell as if there has been an intruding tom in the house.Deodorising plug-ins or air fresheners? Even worse. We cats have sensitive noses. Human noses are barely functional so these artificial scents to use are the equivalent of how loud rock music day and night would be to them. None of us felines like them and some cats show their hatred of them by spraying them.
So, to sum up, litter trays should have fine grained expensive litter, cleaned twice a day, without deodorant sprays. The litter tray should be in a secluded area. Who wants to have to go to the toilet with everybody watching? Humans don't. Why do they sometimes think we will?
Finally, there should be generous amounts of litter. I like to DIG. It is part of the pleasure of relieving oneself. I get in, sniff a bit, dig a bit, then choose my area for the real digging and do it. Afterwards, I turn round, inspect what I have done (rather like Germans do with those specially designed human lavatories), and then dig to cover it up. I then jump out of the litter tray and rush upstairs or behind the sofa. Why? Because I feel like it. That's why. It's the litter skitter.
So, Fred, train your human to keep the litter tray down in the house. You will appreciate it in cold nights and it will be a godsend when you are ill. Lay down proper feline rules for type of litter, amount, type of tray, location and cleaning.
The ultimate sanction is simple. If you don't like it. Do it someplace else. The bed would be a good place to make sure she notices.
George
PS. Secretary away for this coming week. Back to college.



Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org