Saturday, November 16, 2013

I conquered the Key to ….the Board!

Dear George,
Here it’s me again… Maggie….this time reporting a big victory as I conquered the key to the board or “tastiera” (yes, I’m of Italian descent and that’s what we call this thing)!
As you recall, I am in a big competition with Ziggy to win over his daddy.
So here is what happened! The other day Ziggy was “searching” my main quarters while I was all alone upstairs watching his daddy working on something that looks more like a frying pan to me than anything else.  Anyway, when he went to have his dinner…I just jumped over the frying pan and all I heard was: “Oh! No! She’s on the keyboard (as you can see in the picture) and I’ll lose everything I saved. Where is that damn mouse? The cordless mouse?!”  Now, that doesn’t make any sense to me. If I had the key to the board…how could he lose anything? I was (literally) over and holding all his savings.
I was all over the tastiera!  And what a mouse without a tail has to do with this or with his savings?  George, honestly…I have nothing to do with that tailless mouse! I didn’t see it, didn’t eat it …didn’t find it! Do you think that ….maybe Ziggy ate it trying to set me up? And how on earth a tailless mouse could save his fortune? 
Very confused,
Maggie

Dear Maggie,
This mouse thing that humans have is very odd. Mine has got one too. It's got quite a large tail which Celia has tied in some way to the keyboard (tastiera?). To stop it running away probably - except that it is disabled by having no legs at all. Underneath it glows red? Blood perhaps?
Yet it doesn't smell of mouse at all. It smells unpleasantly of plastic. It's got no fur, no whiskers, no tasty crunchy little feet. It's hard all over and the red under its body isn't liquid and doesn't smell right either. Even the tail isn't right. I know a mouse tail doesn't have fur, but this is sort of smooth instead of scaly. And I can't eat it - though I have tried. Not crunchy just hard. Difficult to swallow, I would think.
Obviously your mouse is disabled too if it hasn't got a tail.Can't believe Ziggy would have stolen it - what true cat would bother with such a tasteless scentless hard object. I am sure your human is to blame - so he is blaming you instead. They do this all the time. Blame us for things we haven't done or if we did do them, it was a reasonable thing to do.
So, Maggie, forget the mouse. Instead concentrate on the keyboard. If you lie on top of it or walk over it, you can make nice little mouse tracks on the screen. I favour xxxxxx. Or zzzzzzz - which looks like a nice long sleep. But $$$$$$ is a challenge to the ambitious cat as you have to stand on the capital key while poking at the $ key.  If you get this wrong it comes out just as 444444 which is fairly boring.
It's best to start this when he is using the keyboard himself. Leads to amusing human frustration!
Cheers for online cats
George


6 comments:

  1. Maggie, we (I and my late sister) tried many times to teach our parents mousing but with no success. It seems that humans are not attracted to live mice...they love that tailless and tasteless plastic mouse. Humans don't have the patience to stalk or wait silently for the prey. They nervously click on the plastic mouse - can't you see how many times they press. press, press? I must admit I hit some high notes - I got some little arrows moving fast on the screen - quite delightful to follow or some concentric circles in a constant move. Mesmerizing! My daddy didn't seems to be overly worried for his savings ...maybe he has none! Maybe I live with a poor family I had no idea until now. Hm! Wonder how could I find out? Maybe I'll have to rehome to the riches?
    Love
    Fluffy

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  2. Did you try to knock off the mouse? Just kick it hard and far....see what's happens then.
    Frederico

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  3. Maggie, I think that your method of rolling around on the keyboard is perfect. The keys are quite good at removing old hair if you really grind your body onto them.

    Keep up the good work Maggie, your apes can always type some more another day

    Luff
    Mungo

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  4. If you ask me... the fact that these keys have mice PROVES beyond a doubt that they're meant for our amusement and let me tell you, we cats would never get bored.

    Purred,
    Nissy

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  5. My cat does that too I think because its so warm on the laptop!

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  6. Brava! Brava Maggie!
    Molto bela e serena!
    Vechio

    ReplyDelete

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org