Thursday, December 27, 2012

New Year

Dear George,

My name is Kiki and I’m an 11 years old aristocratic and cute girl. I’m generally speaking in good spirit and everybody spoils me as no one can resist my charms.

My family took a short vacation before Holidays (of course they came back to spend Christmas with me) and …..for the first time ever they left me with a cat-sitter at her place. Well, this cat-sitter (she is a family friend after all) got to my nerves and I didn’t really need any emotional up-set! Again…..generally speaking… I’m well balanced and calm as you can see in the photo attached but this woman was way too much for me!

Here is a short list of complains against this creature: she won’t let me sleep in her bed!  Yes, that’s true but I will never sleep on the floor or carpet so I had to sleep on a sofa in the living room. In the morning I will stretch waiting for her to rub my belly! What was she doing? She would say “good morning Kiki – such a glorious morning.” Who cares about the bloody morning if I won’t get my belly rubbed? Then ….she would have her coffee before she’ll serve me breakfast. Where on Earth did she learn her manners?

I think she’s nuts but can’t tell my family since they are friends. However, I made it my New Year’s Resolution to teach this “bad manners” cat-sitter proper manners!

So, dear George I need some good advice! What should I do? It seems that she enjoys being ignored so I won’t give her satisfaction but I don’t feel getting too close to her either. Should I shred her skin (maybe just a bit)? Should I bite her? How can I take revenge but teach her something?

Yours truly and lovely

Kiki


Dear Kiki,
Call her a cat sitter? More like Mrs Danvers in Rebecca (the movie) in my opinion. Of course, it is partly the fault of your pets.  What gives them the idea that they can leave you anyway? And why did they fail to leave proper instructions. A good human pet leaves the equivalent of a small booklet, taking the live in carer through every moment of the day. These are the topics that should be covered in depth:
  • Food. Exactly when, how much, and any additions like sprinkles, treats, etc. It does no harm for the human slightly to expand the amount of food offered. As a gesture to make up for their irresponsibility in leaving you in the first place.
  • Strict routine. All cats are fed first in the morning. Most human pets know this. It is essential not just because we like it, but because it helps keep the human in their proper place low down the pecking order. Cats eat first.
  • Beds. Of course, it is not acceptable that you have to sleep on the sofa. She should sleep on the sofa. After all, it's your bed, not hers.
  • Doors. Cats go through doors first.If you have a cat flap, the carer should nevertheless let you in and out by hand. It is part of proper human domestic duties.
These difficulties occur when untrained domestic servants are put in charge. A sharp nip or two might be in order but your aim is not to discipline or train this human. She is beneath your notice. What you do need to do, is to show your extreme displeasure and distress when your humans come home. 
Refuse to talk to them. Sit with your back to them. Ignore them. Give them the silent treatment for several days. They deserve it. If any visitors arrive, be all over them just to make the contrast more vivid.
You must feel a sense of having been let down badly. You were.
Better luck in the New Year.
George.

7 comments:

  1. Wow! Kiki ....I'm in love! You are the quintessence of beauty! Yes! very aristocratic too!
    I'll come and shred some skin of the hands of this inconsiderate cat-sitter. Bet ....her excuse is that she's dog person! Phew!
    Love
    Diego

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fluffy and CayenneDecember 28, 2012

    Dear Kiki, good manners are hard to teach someone who never had a cat. Usually these humans have a big ego! Maybe...it's easier to play a little game with your good mannered humans.....show them that you were unhappy with this cat-sitter. Make them stay home with you instead of taking vacation. If she's a family friend "work" around the clock on her:-) You'll conquer her soon!
    Hugs
    Fluffy & Cayenne

    PS. George, we are worried about Celia. Hope she's ok.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kiki, you are too good! Never occurred to you to jump on her bed after she was asleep? Especially if she was sleeping like a log? Repetitive behavior will soon become the norm; so if she would have woken up with you in her bed every single day she'll soon give-up and take this as a sign of love :-)))
    Minnie

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kiki, you are beautiful and spoiled.
    Give this family friend a chance. If she never had a cat and she was trying to have such elevated conversation with you....that means she was aware of your aristocratic status but didn't know what to do. Your humans pet should have given clear instructions! Shred their skin not hers!
    Happy New Year!
    Frederico

    ReplyDelete
  5. CAT VictoriaDecember 30, 2012

    Kiki, we cats are royalty! It is hard for humans to swallow this idea!
    Poor sitter! If she's a dog person of course she didn't know what to do. Bet ....her dog was opening the door for her! Guess....she was in shock having you there. Give her another chance but after she gets clear instructions. Meantime ignore & punish your housekeepers as it is more their fault then hers.
    Happy New Year to all cats!
    Love
    CAT Victoria

    ReplyDelete
  6. Fluffy and CayenneDecember 30, 2012

    We like to wish everybody a Happy, Healthy, Joyful and full of treats New Year!
    Love & hugs
    Fluffy & Cayenne

    ReplyDelete
  7. EXCELLENT advice, Kiki. I've definitely got some remedial training to take care of with my own cat sitter and human pet.
    ; ) Katie

    ReplyDelete

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org