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Saturday, August 11, 2012

Am I really a serial killer? And who are the mass killers?

Dear George,
I was horrified and upset when my human described me (on her Facebook page no less) as "the serial killer with whom I share my bed." How could she be so hurtful? She had been upset because she'd let me out into the garden in the morning and I had shot across the lawn and bagged a bunny. Quite a large one too. As you can imagine, I felt an enormous sense of achievement. 
But somehow being described publically as a serial killer upset me. Should I try to resist my hunting urges?
I might add that she has already labelled me as "the Ugliest Cat in the Shelter".  Personally I think she is very ugly, like all humans. For a start they are bald. And for a follow up, she can't kill rabbits like I can.
Yours in disgust
Tilly.

Dear Tilly,
We do our best for humans, don't we? And then what do they do. Shower us with gratitude for being efficient pest operatives? No such luck. They scream when we bring in mice. They almost faint when we bring in a rat (as I did once). And, as you have discovered, some of them are unhappy about rabbits too.
The latest human survey put cameras on cats and claimed that (in the USA somewhere), our hunting bag consisted of 40% lizards, snakes and frogs, 25% mice, chipmunks and small mammals, and 12% birds.  OK, humans. So live with that. That is what we do. Stop pursing your lips.
Who are the serial killers? Well we are. We kill a mouse. Then we kill another one. But that is nothing to the mass killings by humans. They have completely destroyed the wildlife habitat of various islands by importing rats (as snacks) in their canoes. They have concreted over vast tracks of wild land. They have fouled up rivers with their waste. Now they are destroying the fish stocks in the sea.
They even mass kill their own species. Remember the Hitler death camps? The Stalin-imposed famines? The humans dying in Syria, in North Korea ....
Then what do out pet humans do? Blame us for killing wildlife one by one, while their species kills in the thousands, tens of thousands and millions.
Yours in equal disgust
George

8 comments:

  1. From FAME to....SERIAL KILLER! There you go girl! So proud of you!
    I love you Tilly!
    Diego

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sir WinstonAugust 11, 2012

    Dear Tilly, I must admit I'm quite impressed by you. I think you a fine example for our nation. You could make a good leader!And, you are beautiful! Don't let Celia or any other human hinder your brilliant future!
    Sir Winston

    PS. George, my old friend, you are right; humans kill everything; they kill the environment, its habitat and they kill each other!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Finally some drama! Let's make a movie! Tilly, you were born to be a STAR! You are beautiful, famous, talented, smart, you outwit any human. Wow! I can't even think of any movie star to compare you with! You are unique! Celia is lucky to have you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am a serial killer and proud of it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. We hunt bugs. We are impressed by cats who can bag rabbits, Tilly.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hunt butterflies daytime and at night....night moths!
    Tilly did you meet Harvey yet?
    He's one of George friends:-)))
    Fluffy

    ReplyDelete
  7. If I killed a fly last night does this make me a serial killer too?
    Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  8. The cutest face of a serial killer :-)
    Tom

    ReplyDelete

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org