Saturday, July 07, 2012

Finger snapping - not-so-good and mouse in the house - wonderful.



Dear George,
I don’t know if it was the Full Moon or your game with that artificial mind but we had quite few problems with our male human this week. But, first let me introduce myself! I’m Blackie (right) and my brother is Spockie (below)! We live with our adopted human couple and their two human kittens. I could easily say that we are a happy family! 
The only problem we have lately is “communicating” properly with our human daddy.  He is a computer wiz but has a very limited vocabulary! He doesn’t meow….he snaps fingers! One snap – the human kittens go up-stairs! Two snaps – cats go downstairs! Can you imagine this? Spockie takes off right away but I prefer, for most of the time, to simply ignore him! 
Now, we have another crisis! We got a mouse in a kitchen cupboard; in fact - confirmed by the loud screams of our human mommy! We were very excited to do what cats do! The human kittens were quite thrilled too to be part of the hunt….but our “human daddy” didn’t want us on top of the counters! What a pity! How does he think we are going to catch the mouse? Would he design some software or new application for this? Or is he expecting the mouse to open the door and say “hey, come get me”!?
George, what do you think we should do? Is it possible that our “daddy” got an artificial mind and maybe the wrong software installed in it? Or maybe he got a virus?  Can an artificial mind go bad? But, most important - how can we train him to meow?
Teaching him to meow correctly is of paramount importance!
Waiting for your advice!
Blackie


Dear Blackie,
The effect of computers on the human mind is troubling, very troubling. I understand the fascination of the mouse (I will get to the real mouse later), even though their computer mouse is hard, cold and smells of plastic. But what of that odd screen, rather like a TV only with tiny mouse tracks running across it.
They stare at it for hours and hours. I like to see humans doing human stuff but this is an obsession. Worse, they are ignoring us. 
I suggest a sustained campaign of interference with this activity. Both of you should interpose your body between the human and the screen. Lie on the keyboard (I do this - it's not too uncomfortable). Walk on to one of the digits so there is a trail of tracks like this one --wwwwwwwwwwwww...
The finger snapping behaviour (possibly brought on by computer obsession) should simply be ignored. Go downstairs by all means but never ever when you hear him snap his fingers. Training out this irritating snapping will take some time (humans have poor cognition)  and you should allow about six weeks before the activity stops. Be aware that in the first week he will snap his fingers more often and more frantically than before. This is known as the extinction effect as the pet tries even harder to get attention and results. 
I don't think you can train him to meow. Humans do not have the power of feline speech. They are dumb creatures. You have to accept their limitations.
Now the real mouse. Aren't you lucky little cats! Many happy hours of hunting lie ahead. The best times will be while your humans are asleep. If you are fortunate enough to catch the rodent, don't forget to run upstairs and deposit it upon the double bed. Your humans will be delighted at this thoughtful gift* and proud of your pest controlling success.
Yours
George.
PS. On second thoughts, having deposited the mouse on their bed, scram. Instead of being grateful, some humans are violent.





4 comments:

  1. Phew! Man, you got an engineer too? Yours is a computer engineer? Guess is worse than mine which is a mechanical engineer? Engineers do not meow, have a quite limited vocabulary and no imagination! Check for an animal behaviorist in your area and re-home! Lucky George - he got one who ironically needs a computer engineer :-)
    Ain't live great?
    Hasta la vista Amigo!
    Diego

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  2. George, not all is bad about computers and humans! Why don't you ask Blackie's computer wiz daddy to solve Celia's computer problem so she won't have to use that lame excuse again :-)
    Love
    Fluffy

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  3. My human has a cordless mouse whatever that is! It looks to me like a very ugly and fat object with no tail. And, my human is not hunting it - that thing stays still and my human just rub and pet the thing! Humans are very strange creatures! Why are we doomed to take care of them?
    Vegas

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  4. Blackie, forget the humans and their finger snapping! Ignoring them is good enough! But, I'd tell you a trick! Lay down on the keyboard or just put your paw on the keys at the bottom and hold it there for few seconds and you'll see all kind of circles moving on the screen. You can chase them for hours. Try this when your computer wiz daddy is at work :-)
    Love
    Cayenne

    ReplyDelete

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org