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Saturday, January 14, 2012

Do humans have a sense of humour?

Dear George,

You'll see from this story in The Daily Mash - click here - that humans find it alarming when a cat is missing from their home. How can I reassure my human that my extended strolls are nothing to worry about?
What I find alarming, of course, is the human sense of humour. They spend hours with this kind of nonsense and completely fail to appreciate the amusement that a dead vole affords.


Dear Scaramouche,

I agree with you that the humans sense of humour is warped and on most occasions non-existent. I have repeatedly brought in small rodents, not just voles but mice, to see if I could interest Celia in a game of Bat-That-Vole. Not a hope.

Once, after a great effort, I brought in a young rat still very much alive. At last, I thought, I have found something she will really enjoy. It leaped out of my mouth and on to the kitchen floor. Did she laugh? She screamed and left the room.

Then she came back with a Wellington boot. That looked better. Perhaps now we could have some sport with it. Maybe she would play Bat-That-Rat using the boot. The rat ran up the corner of the wall. She put the boot below and it fell right in. This seemed a promising first move in the game.

Then she ran outside with the boot and shook the rat out into the hedge. Spoilsport Human! After all my trouble! Humans really irritate me at times.

She also gets very worried about my extended twilight absences. She just doesn't understand that this is the best hunting time. Let her worry, say I. We cannot take responsibility for human feelings. I don't bother to reassure her. It is pointless.

Yours grumpily



  1. Don't I love those "escapades" at night, man? Scaramouche, you need a human kitten with good habits like my 19 years old one. At dusk...we leave together; he through the front door and I use the back door. Guess he has his own "ravine" since I never met him visiting mine. However, his whiskers are fine tuned since he knows when I'm ready to come home at the wee hours and in minutes he is at the door (we both use the front door to get in). He grabs me and carries me to his bedroom where we sleep until noon :-) Sometimes he has to go to something called "university", but I don't bother, I continue to sleep. I love him like my own kin :-). Our human "mummy" goes nuts; at midnight she goes out shaking a bag of treats (never knew if it's for me or the human kitty) but neither one bothers.The whole neighbourhood knows we are not home! Embarrassing! Who needs that?
    Think about getting a young kitty!

  2. Scaramouche, you are too cute for your mommy not to worry!
    She must be a very good mom!

  3. Humans don't understand hunting or timing. My female human gets out at the wrong moment to call me in.
    She uses the trick with the treats bag, I know it but I can't resist it. I love treats more than hunting (it sounds crazy I know, but that's my weakness):-)
    Sometimes....I trick her staying a bit longer so she'll come outside with the treats :-))))

  4. Scaramouche, you are beautiful. I wrote you a letter the other night but I don't know what happened and it vanished in cyberspace. It's amazing how a "click" will make something be or not to be :-) (but what do expect since computers are a human inventions?) Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was to not get upset with your human. I tried to train mine in mousing with no success. They, generally speaking, are hopeless. Be smart; come inside at dusk and you'll avoid more embarrassment. I know it's no fun, but you don't want your human pet following you (like mine does) everywhere that even the mice will have a laugh at you!


Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online