Saturday, November 13, 2010

Cats Behaving Badly - No, No, and No.

Dear George,

We, Cayenne and I, got the book, Cats Behaving Badly, and we LOVE it. Thank you so much! I totally understand if you’ll be upset with us for praising Celia, but the book is excellent. We know Celia stole your ideas but she is a woman of great wit and charm. The book is funny and educational, full of tips and advice.

We loved especially the hilarious real cat stories. I rolled over my back and laughed.

I’m still laughing – as you can see in the picture.

Cayenne liked the most the story about Charlie, the black and white cat with several homes. Smart Charlie! And Celia…..what a team player – she never “spilled the beans” about Charlie’s secret. Kudos to her. I liked the story with the cat that re-homed himself in another village just because he didn’t like the humans. But, I felt bad for the two Siamese cats that had to be re-homed; why people don’t think twice before bringing us home? Humans – not very smart!

George, I really think you should be proud of Celia. After all ….she’s your secretary and her success is your merit. You trained her well. Ah! Lovely picture of you and Celia on the cover.

Love

Fluffy


Dear Fluffy,

I am not proud of her. I am boiling with rage. I particularly loathe the title. Cats do not behave badly. We behave in natural and appropriate ways when dealing with a low life species like humans. The very idea that we behave badly shows that the woman does not know her place. She appears to think humans can train and manipulate cats, when the opposite is true. Humans behave badly and we cats either outwit or manipulate them. There is no excuse for her sheer ignorance.

I am working hard at my own book. I intend to outwit, outpublish and generally out do her. When my book Obedience Training for Humans is on the best seller list and her pathetic volume is right down the amazon pick of the books list, that'll larn her. She has to learn the simple lesson that ALL cat owner should learn which is we own them, they don't own us. No human has ever truly "owned" a cat.

Worse still she has opened a Facebook group titled Cats Behaving Badly, so that disgusting humans can post photos of us cats doing quite sensible and natural things.

Finally the woman is still failing to secure proper internet access. I have told her I will bring in a live rat for her and she can catch it (if she can) and put it through the letter box of the local business which supplies her ISP. Rat to rats.

Love George

PS. Don't buy this book. I hate to admit it but it may slightly alter the balance of power towards human. I condemn this utterly. I can't stop the woman adding another photo - I tried biting but didn't time it right - so she just ignored it. She is utterly shameless.




12 comments:

  1. I like "Obedience Training for Humans." Then, they'll know what it feels like..wait..is that a can I hear opening??

    Enjoyed my visit!

    xoxoTom

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fluffy and CayenneNovember 13, 2010

    Dear George, it seems that you are really pissed but, we still think you should give Celia some credit. We understand that you hate the title of her book ....but she wrote this book for her "subspecies" fellows. What other title do you think will be appealing to them? At least, she's using the title to get into their sub-developed brains and make them understand that it is their lack of understanding or sheer ignorance that makes them think we behave badly. Sorry, George, but we think everybody should buy this book.
    Bravo! You trained her almost to perfection :-)
    On the other paw, we are purr-fectly sure that your book will out do hers in every possible way. Of course, you out do her (every minute, every day)!
    Love
    Fluffy & Cayenne

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  3. Dear George, I'm very interested in your new book "Obedience training for humans". I definitely can use few tips with my male housekeeper.
    Sir Winston

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  4. George, could "the mouse" be the reason that Celia can't secure internet access?
    May be she's expecting you to catch the mouse?
    Frederico

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  5. Hm! I think I'll dare to challenge my mommy to buy Celia's book. It's sound like a really good one.
    Love
    Shumba

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  6. Oh! George, where or how can I get Celia's new book? Is it on Amazon yet? I have to check it out.
    If Fluffy is still on her back laughing.....I definitely want the book (I don't see Cayenne laughing, but she always seemed to be more serious. What is she doing there? Is she meditating?)Anyway, I WANT TO READ THIS BOOK.
    Minnie

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  7. CAT VictoriaNovember 13, 2010

    Yes! Celia's new book makes a perfect Christmas present. May be I should add it to my list so my teenager human kitten's mom can see it and buy it for me/him :-)
    Love
    CAT Victoria

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  8. George, look at the picture on the cover again! Full of symbolism! Celia's name is in between the kitty's paws! WE OWN THEM, HUMANS!
    (she knows that.....subconsciously).
    Even in that lovely photo of the two of you (on the inside cover of the book) she holds you "above" her! Well done, George!
    Love
    Cayenne

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  9. George, I'm totally with you buddy! You adopt them, train them, try to bring them to a more elevated level (intellectually)and right when you think you can trust them a little.....what do humans do? Exactly what Celia did to you! Sneaking behind your back, stealing your ideas and coming out with a book about us, CATS, behaving badly. What a nerve for someone who should be kissing your paws for allowing her to call herself.....your secretary!
    Sebastian

    PS. However, it looks like a "MUST HAVE" BOOK.
    I might get one just to see what is she up to.
    Probably to no good...but, I'll check it out.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Excellent fighting talk George. Your ape has gone beyond her place in the natural order of things (right at the bottom) and she needs reminding that no good comes of apes getting above themselves. Give apes an inch and they'll take a yard.

    Fluffy and Cayenne make a good point about trying to educate apes about cat behaviour. Alas the subtle title will be lost on apes and lead them to believe that they are the superior species. The book should have been called "Cat Behaviour for the Evolutionarily Disadvantaged"

    I have spare live rats to send you George, should you run out.

    I await the publication of YOUR book George.

    Whicky Wuudler

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  11. Sorry George, but I think Celia is an excellent secretary. I'm on my way to Amazon to check out her new book.

    By the way, when you write your book I'll have to have an autographed copy.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nice Post....


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    ReplyDelete

Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org