Thursday, February 11, 2010

If our humans had fur, what would they look like?


Dear George,
Humans are so odd about issues like fur. And why are humans fattist? Why do they think I am fat? I am Mustapha.... I glory in a symmetric fluffy white bib and I step out with my tail up. There are misunderstandings about my weight because I a big fluffy and solid. Like humans say, I have a heavy frame. I am not fat - just fluffy. My winter coat turns this brownish colour towards spring and the more stupid humans (yes, some are even more stupid than others) think I am a tortoiseshell. Usually only females are tortoiseshell. Here in Australia, we have to keep our humans in at night. It is a way of stopping them straying, roaming round looking for fights or sex. They believe they are keeping us indoors - when we are keeping them inside. What a species!

Love Mustapha


Dear Mustapha,
We cats have to realise that human cognitive powers are very limited. Can they even think? Many of us believe that they are incapable of abstract thought, though they can be trained by rigorous use of stick (claws) and carrot (purrs). They may think you are fat because they do understand that weight is not the same as apparent size.
I have purrsuaded my pet Celia to purchase a weighing scale, so that she can just read out the weight from it. A baby scale via amazon will do very nicely indeed. Vet scales are often those big ones used for dogs - quite unsuitable for cats. Pushkin, her current foster cat, who is meant to be losing weight, has taught her about High Fives.
Poor deluded human, she thinks she has taught him to sit and do an upwards high fives. It is the other way round. He has taught her to offer cat biscuits for this behaviour. This naturally extracts more food from her, though she doesn't realise it. Not bright. Not bright at all. His plan is to put on weight despite the obesity diet. He may well succeed. His vet records showed he put on an extra kilogram over two months on the diet (before Celia had him).
Looking at your photo, it makes me realise how attractive humans would be if only they were not bald. They wouldn't have pink fur, fur sure. Pink is just wrong. Celia could be a black and white, with white paws and face. Ronnie would look rather sleeker than he does, if he was black all over like me. Jacqui, the friend of your human pet, would make a very nice tortoiseshell. It is an amusing game, as we doze in the warm down under sun, to think what our naked humans pet would be like - fluffy versus sleek; black, black and white, tortoiseshell, pure white, or black feet; pedigree versus non pedigree...
Think about it and give your thoughts on this topic to me.
Love George

8 comments:

  1. I'm not fat, never have been fat. My fur is sleek and gray because I'm a pure tabby with the "M" on my head. My humans constantly shave all their fur off. I just don't get it.

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  2. Hi Mustapha,
    I just wanted to say: you do not look fat to me, you're actually the most handsome gentleman cat i've ever seen !
    And believe me, i know about this fattist behaviour - i'm currently being under-fed and over-played (although i like the later) - i apparently need to shed a few fat cells. Pfff - says who ?..
    KattyCat x

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  3. That's too funny! You are fluffier then me and yet!....my name is Fluffy :-)
    Love
    Fluffy

    PS. I got my name because...all I was doing as a kitten was "sleep & sleep"! I was a sleeping little ball of fur!

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  4. Dear Mustapha,
    I have same problem! Everybody thinks I'm fat when I'm only "well" built!
    Anyway....you are beautiful!
    Hugs
    Cayenne

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  5. Oh! Yes! I can picture my female human as calico (I'm a calico girl)
    Shumba

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  6. Mustapha, my hat off.....to your good look!
    Sir Winston

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  7. Excellent Mustapha! Make them (your humans) match their hair color to yours!
    I made mine matching her hair to my eyes color :-)
    We, cats, are so creative!
    Tom

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  8. Mustapha, I think you look perfect. Perfect fur, perfect markings, perfect size. Apes are constantly rude about the size of cats. This is because they have no self control and struggle not to gorge themselves stupid all day long. Personally I can't bring myself to think about my apes naked, it would bring on nausea.

    Whicky Wuudler

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Help for cats whose humans show behaviour problems.

This blog is devoted to the study of human behaviour. We cats, who live with this sometimes unpredictable and always feeble minded species, can benefit from seeing their behaviour in its proper scientific context. The study of feline dilemmas, training problems, and difficulties with humans, can only benefit all of us. All of us train our humans - to buy the right food, for instance, but many of us do not have knowledge of how to improve our training methods. The human species is obviously not as intelligent as the cat, but nevertheless can learn quite a lot - if properly managed. Topics of interest include the use of claw and order, purring as a human reward, rubbing your human up the right way, when to bite, spraying as a method of making our wishes known, ignoring the human, human harassment, human inattention and sheer human stupidity. I welcome your questions. Photos can be sent via my secretary's website, www.celiahaddon.com This blog has been chosen as one of the top 50 feline blogs by Online VetTechprogramms.org